Notices

About to try one more time-help.

Old 05-22-2012, 06:47 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Alabama
Posts: 13
About to try one more time-help.

I've been abusing prescription stimulants for about 3yrs now. I've quit over and over but alwsys eventually succumb to the desperate need to feel dome way other than horrible, lethargic and apathetic. My husband uses the ssme drug and encorsges me to keep on using. I'm desperate for this time to be "it." Since I can't expect support at homr, I neef to get it here. Eill post more later but too exhaustef right now to think straight.
Thanks for being here.
Dagny is offline  
Old 05-22-2012, 07:49 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
12-Step Recovered Alkie
 
DayTrader's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Sounds like you need a sure-fire, 24/7, set it and forget it recovery plan that can't fail - I needed that for booze. Drugs were my drug of choice - ie, I could choose to use them and choose to stop. I stopped. Alcohol was my drug of NO-CHOICE, I'd choose to not-drink and I'd drink anyway.

Recovery is available. I'd be checking out the 12-step area HERE and posting what's going on with me and see who has not only been there, but what are they doing now and what did they do to overcome it.
DayTrader is offline  
Old 05-22-2012, 09:14 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
omegasupreme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
I walked away from speed (Aderol, Ritalin, crystal meth, etc...) when my son was born in 2006. I made a decision to never do that stuff again. I couldn't stand the monster I was turning into, paranoid, schizo, sleep for days...etc...I really wanted to be a good father in my heart of hearts.

In 2009, after managing my life with alcohol for some time I found myself putting that stuff back in my body....tenfold, no quantity of any combination of amphetamines and cocaine could take me back to that place it used too...I couldn't seem to get right anymore. Plus, I would always over shoot the mark, then I'd have to load up with morphine and other sedatives to come back down, then over shoot that mark...like a yoyo. I tried everything, treatment centers, promises, therapy, prescription meds from my doctor, you name it I did it, even the gym and a whole bunch of health food...anything to divert my primary purpose from drugs...and it never worked...at least not for good.

Middle part of 2009 I was separated from the drugs one more time and somehow made it back to a 12 step fellowship before my mind was able to convince me I should medicate again...in the rooms of those 12 step fellowships I found a different type of Medicine...the Ultimate Medicine...never have to worry about a drink or a drug again; it's with me 24/7 keeping me safe and protected. You can have some too
omegasupreme is offline  
Old 05-22-2012, 10:55 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
SR Fan
 
artsoul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Dagny -

I'm glad you're reaching out for support today - this is a great place to start! I think we all know how hard it is to break the vicious cycle and get through the the first days/weeks. After I quit drinking I was so unmotivated and so tired - I had to scale back on my usual mentality of wanting to "do it all" because otherwise I find myself feeling overwhelmed and wanting to drink again.

I tried to think of it like recovering from an illness or surgery - it might take a few months, but I'd be better than ever once I got through the healing process.

Glad you've joined us and I hope you check out our forum for substance abuse while you're here:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
artsoul is offline  
Old 05-22-2012, 02:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Some great advice here Dagny
I'm sorry you're not getting support at home but I'm glad you've found us

Welcome to SR

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 08:36 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Alabama
Posts: 13
Thank you all. It's been the same story ever since I last posted except I've gotten very physically sick since from the amphetamines. But my husband is I'd finally on board after seeing me almost dead a bunch of times. I'm scared I'll never feel pleasure again. I've been tapering the last few days and tomorrow will be my first day totally clean. I dread the physical illness I know is coming but I dread the apathy and depression that comes afterward more. I'm already crying just scared and depressed. And that's with a little drug still in me.

I've used some dopaminergic drug or other my whole life except for a three year period of sobriety through a 12-step program 2005-2008. But all I found there was abstinence. It didn't work right for me, maybe because I was never able to trust God. He let me down badly through four years of ghee deepest darkest depression I've ever experienced. I have never had anyone in my life I could trust so I don't know how to trust God.

Anyway, I'm trying again, after fifty, at least, previous withdrawals and eventual relapses. I'm scared and so sad and so depressed already and antidepressants don't work anymore. I guess I just need to believe there is life after drugs and that it will be worth living, soon enough that I can stand to wait long enough for it to happen.

Thank you all for being here,
Dagny
Dagny is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 08:44 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Welcome back Dagny

My experience with God was a little up and down too, but we made our peace after a while. I hope you will too.

Why not commit to posting here regularly for a while? you might get some ideas on how to proceed

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 08:59 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome bk bud
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 05-04-2016, 04:14 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Originally Posted by Dagny View Post
I guess I just need to believe there is life after drugs and that it will be worth living, soon enough that I can stand to wait long enough for it to happen.
Is life worth living clean and sober? Yes, though difficult to imagine when one is still locked in the despair of addiction. Attempt 51 can be the one. Just don't give up too soon. The instant gratification of speed is a hard one to give up, I know. I was addicted to meth in the early Eighties. It took being poisoned by some bad s#i! for me to see the light. And even then it took months for my brain to return to normal.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 05-04-2016, 04:20 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 94
Wishing you well on Day 1. You can do this!
LostManhattan is offline  
Old 05-04-2016, 05:51 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Re-Member
 
CaseyW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,906
Welcome back, Dagny! Congratulations on choosing a better way of life in recovery.

I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of May 2016 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also early in their recovery. I know my own class here has made all the difference in my recovery.

Wishing you the best today!
CaseyW is offline  
Old 05-10-2016, 10:48 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Alabama
Posts: 13
Thank you all. I am having a slip right now. I had to see a psychiatrist today to get my regular meds since my family doctor got tired of having to prescribe them. After telling him I could not take stimulants chronically (tolerance, dose increases, horrible withdrawals), at the end of my appt, on the spur of the moment I asked him for just one or two Vyvanse "for emergencies." He replied that pharmacists get all freaked out over anything unusual about a controlled med so he was writing the script as if I were taking it normally. I thought oh no but said nothing, thinking, well, I just won't fill the whole Rd. So I told the pharmacy clerk I only wanted 10 pills (they were only 20mg). I thought I'd take 2-4 today and 2-4 tomorrow, just for a "break" from the withdrawal misery. Well, damned if the pharmacist didn't give've the whole 30 pills/
!!!! If I'd wanted a bunch I'd have had trouble getting them.

I took 2. Then later 1 more ave later one more. I plan to take 2-4 tomorrow and then flush the rest away-$297 worth minus the 8 I will have taken.

Have I relapsed? Or is it a slip?

Come to think of it, I had better flush the rest tonight. But I know someone who might want the others & I could get back part of my $300.

I'm scared. I'm scared of going through the last six days of withdrawal again - it has been horrible.

I want t having cravings. I was just somewhat where they were easily available and I caved.

Help...
Dagny is offline  
Old 05-10-2016, 11:18 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
AdelineRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I'm sorry you are having a hard time, it is amazing how even if you tell doctors your history they still just prescribe prescribe prescribe. I was literally in the hospital with my leg with a huge abscess from injecting heroin into the muscle of my leg since all my veins were shot..I told them what it was it was so bad I needed surgery and they couldn't wait to give me every pain killer in the book plus they gave me much higher doses then normal since "they knew I had a tolerance". When it comes down to it, it is on us not to ask and if it is pushed on us to absolutely refuse.

A slip and a relapse are the same thing. What matters is that you never give up on yourself and you continue to try to move forward and better yourself. Maybe it is time to put a plan in place for your recovery. That would help a lot to have a back up plan and steps to take if you feel you are slipping. You can do this, it will just take every ounce of your being and then some but it is possible I promise you.

Life is a million times better without drugs, I know it seems impossible right now but it is true. Unfortunately recovery takes a lot of work, but it is worth it in the end.

Selling drugs is continuing the cycle of drug use and addiction. You can't blame this on the pharmacist, you could have corrected them and left with your certain amount, well really you should have torn up that prescription but none of that matters, what matters is what you do now and how you move forward.
AdelineRose is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:37 AM.