LoveMeSomeBeer

I'm torn with decision making at the moment, but it's BIG for me to be posting. Here's a quick nutshell version of my situation.

I'm 38, married, have a young boy, and average about 9 beers a day (yikes).

I've been heavy drinking since I was a junior in high-school, but
never known to get "knee-walking" drunk...I stay somewhat with it. My
personalty is easy-going (more of a listener than talker), so this is
not too hard to pull off.

I peaked with drinking about 7 years ago...child wasn't born yet and
my wife (nurse) worked the weekend. I would wake up with wine and
pass-out by 2pm and then wake back up, eat something, cook supper, and
pop a beer just before she got home around 7:30 (somehow pulled this
off).

Today, I've gotten in a habit of grabbing a 6-pack on the way home
from work and drinking about 4 beers. Get home, play with my boy,
hang with the family, and then figure out something to do that can
involve drinking (cooking, grilling, or internet). I have mastered
the art of sneaking beer (not proud).

I'm SO TIRED OF LIVING A LIE. I'm a good guy, a good husband, and a
good dad, but a BETTER drinker. My body is tired of this and my dream
is to evolve into a moderate drinker. Is that even possible? Am I fooling myself...wishful thinking?

Help and advice are VERY appreciated. IT WAS AWESOME TO JUST WRITE
THIS!!!!!! And yes, I just SCREAMED that.

bryangt

sounds like you have a routine and some not so proud behavior that goes along with it.
if you moderate, will the behavior be modify along with it?

DisplacedGRITS

First off, welcome to SR! When most people come here it's their first step. The best second step is to start mapping out a plan of action. How am i going to stay sober? What steps do i need to take? Willpower alone is not going to cut it. If it did, i would have been able to quit years ago. Have you considered AA or another recovery program? A step program is a great tried and true method to learning how to live a sober life, getting you on the path and keeping you there. You meet a lot of great people in various stages of recovery, hear some amazing stories and learn a lot about yourself. Try going to an open meeting as an introductory meeting to AA. It's usually a speaker meeting and just dips your toe in the water. Then find a group and go through the whole " hi i'm _______ and i'm an alcoholic." You don't have to speak but you'll find a ton of support. Also a lot of support here!

In early recovery i found that i had to change a lot of my every day habits for a while. I quit drinking Diet 7-Up because i always mixed it with vodka. I quit sitting on my usual space on the couch because i was accustomed to having my booze right next to me on the table. I didn't park next to the liquor entrance at the grocery store even if the parking spot was better. Little daily things. Learn to identify your triggers so they don't surprise you. Also, remember that the pain of not drinking fades while the pain of drinking stays with you.

Tuitiefruitie

Have you tried not to drink? What happens emotionally and physically when you don't. I didn't think I had a problem. The longer I'm sober the more I realize how big the problem was.

LoveMeSomeBeer

I think I've worked up a ridiculous tolerance...and will usually stop when that voice says ENOUGH. I quit drinking for Lent about 3 years ago and I don't think there was a change at all. Of course, I was VERY busy and wanting to do stuff quite a bit. My wife didn't seem to say anything about me acting different.

LoveMeSomeBeer

That's some GREAT advice.

LoveMeSomeBeer

But maybe I'm a "pattern drinker." Does that even make sense? I am someone who has a hard time sitting still.

Dee74

Hi lovemesomebeer - welcome

If you're sneaking beer then it's something you know you ought not to be doing, so thats something to think about

If you want to try moderating, thats your call - tho most of us tried...and failed.
Make it a decent test tho.

US moderate drinking levels are set at up to 2 drinks a day for men - it's also suggested that you have several rest days in the week where you don't drink at all.

D

artsoul

Welcome LMSB!

Great move to post here and take a look at your drinking. I used to tell myself I wasn't all "that" bad because I very rarely got drunk and wasn't hurting anyone, but of course, I knew the effects on me weren't good. I think it always catches up with us in the end.

This is a great place to here about others' experiences and get support to make a change in your life..... Welcome!

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

least

Welcome to the family! I'd suggest giving it up entirely for a while, like three months, and see how you do without it. If it causes problems to stay sober you know you've got to fix the problem.

I tried to moderate too, many times, but failed over and over. It's easier for me to just not drink at all than to try to 'control' it.

Hevyn

Very pleased to meet you, LoveMe. Glad you are here to talk it out. It helped me so much to have people to really listen and understand.

I spent many years trying to moderate. I simply couldn't face giving it up for good, though I knew I was drinking more & more to achieve the same effect. My tolerance was huge, too. Having a drink or two would have been pointless - I wouldn't even have felt it. It turned out I couldn't hold it down to a safe level - I got wasted every time I picked up. For me, stopping all together was the only safe thing to do.

Whatever you decide, we are here for you and we care! Glad you are taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life.

Deserto

Hi LoveMe and welcome! Thanks for posting. It takes a lot of courage to start talking to others when we're concerned about drinking -- even when we're just talking online.

Only you can judge whether or not you can moderate, but I would echo what Dee said about sneaking beers. And it sounds like you were sneaking wine a few years ago during the day, and not being honest with your wife about how much you were drinking?

Many of us have been there -- I know I have -- so no judgement. But sneaking drinks is a pretty big red flag. I don't think moderation is possible without honesty -- if not to your wife, then to yourself. I know it was pretty hard for me to learn to stick to self-imposed rules when I was already bending unspoken ones.

A lot of people would recommend doing 90 days of sobriety to see how you feel. If you can do that easily, then maybe moderation is in the cards for you. If not, then maybe you'll want to look more deeply at your relationship to alcohol.

Whatever you decide -- good luck and keep us posted! There's lots of good advice to be found around here.

Sapling

We go through this moderation thing a lot here...For someone that drinks like us....If it was possible we'd be doing it. I know for me....I had to do what I should have done a long time ago....Stop completely what I can't do safely.

You say..
I've been heavy drinking since I was a junior in high-school,
So was I

I peaked with drinking about 7 years ago
So I have to ask...Have you just remained peaked for the last 7 years?

Today, I've gotten in a habit of grabbing a 6-pack on the way home
from work and drinking about 4 beers. Get home, play with my boy,
hang with the family, and then figure out something to do that can
involve drinking (cooking, grilling, or internet). I have mastered
the art of sneaking beer
I did this too minus the boy...I didn't have a kid and my wife finally left.

I'm SO TIRED OF LIVING A LIE.
This is finally when I got help...When I couldn't do that anymore. If I could give you any advice it would be....Don't wait till there is nothing left before you decide to do something about it. Like I did.

LoveMeSomeBeer

I have a problem, no doubt, and it's so wonderful to be able to open up. You guys are great and I will keep posting and posting on other's threads.

It's sorta sad, but I work in a family business, so I feel like I have to type real quick and move on...still private about all this.

THANKS AGAIN!!!

flutter

Happy to 'meet' you

As an alcoholic I had no interest in TRUE 'moderate' drinking (1-2 drinks a day.. who does that!?), so my hanging on to the "what if I could moderate" thread was steeped more in denial of the true problem, and FEAR of giving up my crutch/habit/buzz, etc.

I can tell you on THIS side of it (sober 3 and a half years), I still wouldn't drink moderately if I could, I love my health and my life way too much to flirt that closely with junk that could have destroyed my life and my integrity.

I know it's scary to think about.. the never ever, but after a while it becomes empowering to realize that I don't have to EVER drink again, nor do I want to. Takes some time and some life changes, but it's so worth it.

Growing up in an alcoholic home I will also say that your sobriety, while most importantly for your own health and serenity will be a priceless gift for your little boy.

MarylandRick

LMSB - Great to hear your story (or a small part of it). Sneaking is a good sign that you have a big problem, it's good that you recognize this.

I was also getting tired of constantly lying. Drinking the way I wanted to while hiding the amount I consumed and trying to appear normal throuout the day was exhauting. I was an upstanding citizen, successful business man, good husband and father, all the while working my tail off to hide the fact that behind all that I was a drunk.

I made countless attempts to quit or moderate yet the disease still progressed. With every successful period of moderation or sobriety came a worse binge. Finally I could no longer take it and had to admit I couldn't do it on my own. Once I realized I couldn't even drink one, it became easy. Don't get me wrong, recovery involves work, but if I put forth half the effort towards my recovery as I did towards hiding booze I am pretty confident I won't need to drink today.

I found what I needed in AA and will have 10 months sober tomorrow. In sobriety I am able to do all things I used to do, only now I feel 100% better and I don't have the fear and shame of hiding it anymore.

Please don't be affraid to explore various support groups......and keep posting since it feels so good.

EXM6

That's the unfortunate part of alcoholism, like MarylandRick said... It progresses, and in my experience -- it always does -- even if takes years, so it's hard to know if moderation works for some of us right off the bat or not.

I've never been an every day drinker, so any time I've practiced moderation I have experienced huge chunks of time where it worked for me. I learned quickly that if I went out for dinner and only had ONE drink, I'd be fine. I've went through months where this works for me.... Then all of a sudden, I'm grabbing a bottle of wine or case of beer on the way home to get blasted by myself because I allowed myself to have that ONE drink.

I figure for me, if I put so much thought into HOW I drink... Even if I manage this time to have "just one..." Clearly I have a problem. People who don't have a problem, don't think about it. When you decide to have a glass of pop do you agonize over how many your drinking? Sure it doesn't have as lethal of effects as alcohol, but it's not good for you. Some food for thought I suppose.

Sapling

Real good food for thought EXM6....I mean...Why would I want to be able to drink one or two anyway?...I never drank for any other reason than to feel better....Which for me was the period of time right before I passed out. Trying to drink in moderation...For me....Is a one way ticket to misery...If not death....You know what I found out?....Living alcohol free is better than living with alcohol....Period.

BillyPilgrim

Hi LMSB

I thought of moderating , it doesn't work

The point about us all, is we all came here because we liked getting drunk, if you moderate , you don't get drunk

At that point there are two places to go, drink more, or don't drink

I chose the don't drink route, take it from an ex boozer, the don't drink route is better

However, it is a lesson you have to learn, along with all the others you will learn people telling you about here

Stick around, there is a deal of sense spoken here