Sapling

You see these kind of things a lot....Questions like this....What worked for me was...How bad did I want this? How bad did I want to never drink again??...If I had to ask a question like..."Should I go to Vegas in early sobriety? (I'm using Vegas because there is a thread about Vegas floating around...Insert Booze Cruise...Drunken Ski Trip....Drinking Buddy's Wedding...Favorite Bartender's Birthday Bash at the strip club.)...I don't care what it is....If I had to ask whether I should do it or not..The answer was most likely...NO. If it was....I have to go to Vegas because my mother was sick and I wanted to spend some time with her...I'd go. If I had to do something I was scared to do...I'd better get over my fear...Grow up...And do it. If it was something I didn't want to do...That meant damn well I'd better do it....If I say..."I don't feel like going to a meeting today..."....That's the one I better be at. Bottom line for me...How bad do I want to be happy...And never drink again?...Answer for me. Whatever I had to do...Or not do....Was taken care of.

eh1988

Nice thread. I have to say I agree, but at the same time I understand how frustrating it is to be going through sobriety. In my opinion, a lot of people don't want to admit their problem, even though they're here posting on an alcoholic board, they want to fool themselves into believing that they're social drinkers. It is what it is, but I know when I stopped drinking, I also stopped going out for a while. I dodged A TON of social events I was supposed to attend with my friends, I even lost some friends through my sobriety process, hell I'm still losing friends as we speak. I realize now that the true friends, the ones I really need in life, are still here. Matter of fact they're here and our friendships are stronger than ever.

Sapling

For me it wasn't nearly as frustrating as waking up still drunk every morning...After telling myself I was done for good.

MentalLoop

Similar posts have evoked the same emotions out of me. What I concluded of late is that some people need time to be brought to the promise land. I went through a brief phase of "oh my god, are you really looking for a response, or do you want us just to lie to you?". Lately I am in more of the, everybody needs their own time to realize the true nature of the disease and what it will make you do, how it will lie to you and at what lengths it will go to, to make you drink. Once the mind wraps around that, then quitting vs. being mentally dominated ain't nothing but a thing!

eh1988

It's a horrible feeling, but we gotta remember where we came from, you and I probably both had many failed recoveries until it finally stuck.

EternalQ

Yeah, Sapling, i agree. ... It took me awhile to begin to adjust to this side of SR. I couldnt understand why they would be on SR if they weren't serious, or why they would ask a question they already knew the answer to.

I felt I knew what i could handle or not. Heck i knew if i could even leave the house or not because of risk of buying some alcohol the first month or so. I guess we are all different in that i knew i could not quit, i knew i was in deep, so i didnt even pretend to try to quit before i found SR. Cut down, yes, but quit? I didnt think quitting was actually even possible for me.

Once i stopped drinking it was so excruciating hard that i knew i had to go the distance the first time. Because if i gave in, i would learn that i was a hopeless case was my thinking. But now i see everyone is different and i am sure being older i know myself better then some younger, and i know life can be short in a way you dont know when you are younger. There is not a lot of time guaranteed to us. There is not always a second chance.

Anyway, yeah, if you have to ask whether you should do or see this or that because you might drink, the anseer is, no, you shouldnt.

hypochondriac

I'm translating your post as 'do the stuff you don't want to do rather than the the stuff you do want to do'...?

I totally agree...I spent many years just carrying on as normal expecting to be able to cut down or stop drinking. I want to go to a gig with my drinking buddy and get so wasted I nearly fall in the canal again... so I'm not going to gigs for a bit

I really intensely do not want to go to AA....(waiting for the other half of that story)..

I think we make excuses a lot of the time for why we won't do certain things, and really the real answer is just fear. I was scared of stopping drinking and would cling onto any excuse to not quit (AA and withdrawals were my last straws). Thinking you can be a moderate drinker is just fear of being sober.

I've heard a lot of people liken getting sober to growing up. That's definitely true.

Sapling

I didn't...I told myself I was done a lot...That's not really an attempt. I stopped once for 10 months on my own because my ex wife gave me a choice...I failed. And I went to an AA meeting and haven't had a drink since. That's it for me.

Sapling

Look where doing the stuff you want to do...Got you.

Sapling

I didn't either....That was a great post EternalQ.

eh1988

Come on man, so are you trying to say that people should only come here unless they're fully 100% sure that they're trying to quit? I wasn't even fully sure that I was going to quit when I stopped drinking, I tried and I'm still working my ass off to remain sober. I first posted on this board, drunk on a 3 day weekend binge. It's all about starting, somewhere, no matter where that place is. I went through a lot of the "well I can drink this weekend because......" the fact of the matter for us alcoholics, that's not OK. But at the same time, it's not OK for us to criticize each other for making mistakes in our recovery. No I wasn't sure if I wanted to quit, but now, nearly 90 days sober, I am 100% sure I never want to drink again.

Sapling

Not at all....I'm saying for me...Myself....I had to want to get alcohol out of my life more than anything else....Or it was going to kill me.

eh1988

Yea, I agree..... me too.

instant

So you don't think I should go then?

Gottalife

There is a line or two in the book that says more or less that we can do all kinds of things people have said alcoholics are not supposed to do with the proviso that we are in fit spiritual condition. But if we are feeling shaky, perhaps we should work with another alcoholic instead.

We will not become stupid, boring and dull. We are not a glum lot. In fact stupid, boring and dull was about how I was when I came in.

BillyPilgrim

I think we all know our triggers , and have got to develop strategies to get around them

For some, it is saying I will go to the gig, but only drink coke, and make sure people around me know that

For others it is I wont go to the gig, because I know I cant resist drinking

If I applied that to me, I wouldnt go to the supermarket ever, because that's where I got my booze from.

As it is, I avoid the wine aisles.

That said, I wouldn't go to something billed as a drunken orgy, no matter how much the orgy part appeals to me

tomsteve

great thread and great respomses from all. a few things i have learned:
1) after many hard knocks i had to concede to my inner most self that the ones that went before me and had what i wanted were a lot smarter than me and it was time to listen to their advise and take it if i wanted to stop hurting and making bad decisions.
2) the lords prayer says," lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil." its not very wise to ask God to lead me from temptation then walk into it.
3) my thinking got me to the point of suicide. it wasnt gonna get me sober( not drinking for 1-5 days isnt sober).
4)pink clouds disappear.i am extremely greatful i was so miserable for the 1st 6 or so months. in that time, i saw so many people who stopped drinking and started feeling physically better. the world and life were awesome!!! then something like an unexpected bill came in the mail or nobody still trusted them!! ya'll who have been around know what happened.
5) today, i can go wherever i want under 2 circumstance, those being fit spiritual condition and proper motives.
6) i dont have triggers. i have shortcomings and character defects. if i dont take care of them at once, they will be an excuse to drink.
7) 1st things 1st for me today: GOD! wihtout a higher power, whithout keeping my will and life in His hands, i am screwed.
8) some people want to be coddled into sobriety. i cant help them. baby em, bury em.


dont know if this stayed on topic or made sense. i've only been awake for 15 or so minutes and not much caffeine in me yet. its gonna be another awesome sober day here and i hope it is for all ya'll!!!

Sapling

Made sense to me tomsteve.

Threshold

I think people find SR at different points in their process. Some of the folks here did their early phases offline, or didn't start posting until later in their process.

I find it hard to believe that many people here just one day saw the light, decided they were done, never kidded themselves, stumbled, relapsed or tried moderation. They just weren't here posting honestly about it when they were at that stage in the process. So they didn't show their booties, they didn't show up, or post until they had their acts together.

Yey for them.

Then there are the rest of us, who come in here drunk, broken, trying to find someway of explaining ourselves without the "addict" label, etc...and post about it. We haven't reached the enviable position of eternal sobriety yet, but yeah, we ARE honestly searching.

Just because we aren't there yet doesn't mean we are hopeless liars doomed forever to kid ourselves and kill ourselves.

SoberRightNow

We seem to be getting a real increase in the amount of moral high-horsed posts around here lately. It's frankly reprehensible in a forum entitled Newcomers to Sobriety in my view.