Nocturnus

Hi,

I just feel so dead inside. Sure there are happy moments, but there's this loneliness. I'm 22 now, living on my own and studying in a university. Only been in two relationships. The first one was your typical teenage love story; boy meets girl, boy dates girl, girl cheats and leaves. I never managed to get that feeling back that I felt back then. And it seems natural that your "first love" is one of a kind and you will never have that feeling again. All the other relationships will be different.

Other than that I've only had 3 crushes, but all of those intelligent, energetic and interesting young women are already in a serious relationship. I'm not the guy that would get in the middle of it, because I felt like crap when I got dumped.

There are other women giving me signals, but the point is that I'm not interested in them. I've never succeeded in "picking up" women at bars or clubs, which are not really my scenes. I could just flirt with women at a party, kiss them and so on, but it would be pointless, there would be no emotion. Sure, I could even date them and look where it goes, but my last relationship was like that. There was practically no emotion, I didn't even care when we broke up. I haven't clicked with them.

The only women that I have found attractive, intelligent, talkative and interesting are already taken. What's worse is that I didn't even know about it at first. I always seem to find out when there are always some emotions stirring inside, or in worse cases at the last minute when I am just planning on making my move or showing my interest. And it's always a throwback, a kick-in-the-teeth to find out that they are in a relationship. I quess there's no reason that they shouldn't be.


Feeling depressed, frustrated and lonely, feel like giving up. Feel like picking up a suitcase/packback, leaving for Italy, Tibet or Greece and saying "**** it all".


PS. I've been sober for 9-10 months now. Looking forward to making it past the one year mark and beyong. I haven't been on the forum because it helps to not think about it, and the uni has kept me pretty busy.

least

I'd suggest you repost this in Newcomers as that forum gets more traffic.

2granddaughters

Some AA fellowship might just perk you up and help you get your thinking back on track.

All the best.

Bob R

EXM6

Hang in there man... Relationships can SUCK. I know it's tough when it seems the only people you can be interested in are in their own relationships... but one of the alternatives would you being someone who could just attach themselves to anyone, and that's dangerous. At least you're not a robot -- I feel bad for people like that... They'll never experience what it truly is like to REALLY see the beauty in someone for who they are. It sounds like you are someone who is able to do that.

I know it's so cliche to say "don't worry, your time will come..." but it will. The next 3 might not even be the 'one,' but you'll be able to love them and take away different things for each experience.

Congrats on your 9-10 months sober... The only time I've been able to do that was when I was pregnant so kudos to you!

Good things take time, much like your 9-10 months sobriety... but like everything else in life things MUST change... and sometimes good things come our way.

eJoshua

I could have written your post. I wish I could say it gets better, but in my case at nearly 27 it hasn't really changed much since I was 20. I'm trying to ditch some of the self pity that I have and just go and meet people though, which even though it hasn't really gotten me anywhere yet does make me feel a little less alone.

Hang in there bud. You're a fine catch for any young lady and I'm certain the right one will come along and fall head over heels for you.

Dee74

Hi Nocturnus

congrats on your sober time but I'm sorry you're down.

I don't know all the ins and outs of your story but my romantic history was a lot like yours for years - very few relationships, lots of unrequited love or crushes on unavailable women.... a lot of sadness and fear - og being rejected and not being rejected alike.

What helped me was time and growth - and really getting to know myself and appreciate who I was.

I didn't really love myself for a lot of years.

I didn't see value in myself, yet I despised those who didn't love me - deep down, I needed someone else to be interested in me to validate my self worth - you don't need to be Einstein to see that was pretty much a cycle doomed to failure.

You get back what you give out, I think.

If you're not happy with yourself, it might be best to look at why - I found counselling was useful.

It took me many years to get it - no doubt you'll be smarter than me

I really believe there is someone for everyone - sometimes we need to do a bit of work and have a little patience tho?

D

Done_With_It

Do you want us to move this post for you? You will get more responses like least said in newcomers?

Dee74

Nocturnus has already posted in Newcomers

D

hypochondriac

Nocturnus, I love your avatar! And well done on the 10 months sobriety, that's huge!

Other than Uni have you got any hobbies that help you meet new people? Maybe it's better to focus on making new friends than looking for a relationship? In the end I think it might amount to the same thing x

Dee74

I merged both threads here in Newcomers

D

TimW

In response to the original post, you should find a free dating site online and start viewing all the profiles. Look for someone you can make a connection with first before you meet them, and hopefully someone more mature than the circles you're running with.