13 month woes
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
13 month woes
Hey Everyone -
I'm sober at 13 months, as of earlier this month. I'm really thankful to be sober still, but I'm amazed sometimes at how quickly I can convince myself to throw away my sobriety. Some of you know that my mood has been a little erratic lately, and my meds are not completely doing their job. Today I found myself wiped out after a week with only about 6 hours of sleep, calling in sick to work twice, not wanting to get out of bed but not being able to sleep,etc. I finally slept like 14 hours last night (friday) but now it's 5:37a on Sunday where I live and I didn't even realize it.
So anyways, not sure I have anything constructive actually to say, but I think probably I've reached that point in my sobriety where I often hear that people fail. One year felt like a big milestone, and I'm sure if you build it up in your head you may be disappointed to discover that nothing magical happens at the 12 month mark. If you're in AA you get a cool one year chip and a pat on the back form your sponsor, that's about it. And that's how it should be.
I'm never gonna drink again, so even when these thoughts start popping in my head, like this afternoon when nobody was home and I thought about sneaking off to the liquor store for a bottle of vodka to waste the time away, even when those thoughts come there is a simple answer that comes to mind: nope. I'm not a drinker any more. Hell or high water, I'm done with the stuff. Even if I somehow convinced myself that I was reformed and could drink again it's a moot point, because I don't drink any longer.
My advice to the newcomer is, stick it out. There are gonna be tough times and there are gonna be times that you'll want to drink, even after those mysterious, elusive and overhyped milestone anniversaries. Your success depends on you coming to terms with the fact that drinking is something that you don't engage in. I get the strength to maintain that resolve from God, you might not, either way stick it out, because passing fancies are just that: passing.
Best wishes
I'm sober at 13 months, as of earlier this month. I'm really thankful to be sober still, but I'm amazed sometimes at how quickly I can convince myself to throw away my sobriety. Some of you know that my mood has been a little erratic lately, and my meds are not completely doing their job. Today I found myself wiped out after a week with only about 6 hours of sleep, calling in sick to work twice, not wanting to get out of bed but not being able to sleep,etc. I finally slept like 14 hours last night (friday) but now it's 5:37a on Sunday where I live and I didn't even realize it.
So anyways, not sure I have anything constructive actually to say, but I think probably I've reached that point in my sobriety where I often hear that people fail. One year felt like a big milestone, and I'm sure if you build it up in your head you may be disappointed to discover that nothing magical happens at the 12 month mark. If you're in AA you get a cool one year chip and a pat on the back form your sponsor, that's about it. And that's how it should be.
I'm never gonna drink again, so even when these thoughts start popping in my head, like this afternoon when nobody was home and I thought about sneaking off to the liquor store for a bottle of vodka to waste the time away, even when those thoughts come there is a simple answer that comes to mind: nope. I'm not a drinker any more. Hell or high water, I'm done with the stuff. Even if I somehow convinced myself that I was reformed and could drink again it's a moot point, because I don't drink any longer.
My advice to the newcomer is, stick it out. There are gonna be tough times and there are gonna be times that you'll want to drink, even after those mysterious, elusive and overhyped milestone anniversaries. Your success depends on you coming to terms with the fact that drinking is something that you don't engage in. I get the strength to maintain that resolve from God, you might not, either way stick it out, because passing fancies are just that: passing.
Best wishes
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Not only the overhyped milestones but even just quitting drinking...I think I expected something magical to happen then! I think the definition of an alcoholic may be 'a person who thinks alcohol is magic' 
Thanks for the inspiring posts Josh and well done on the 13 months! xxx
Thanks for the inspiring posts Josh and well done on the 13 months! xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hey Josh...First off...Congrats on 13 months....Whatever you want to call it...I call it amazing! If I remember correctly you aren't in AA but you were working a 12 step program that was very similiar to the 12 steps of AA. I asked you about it one time...I think you were working on your 4th step. I'm just curious if you ever completed those steps?...As in you are living in steps 10 through 12 right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Oh Josh,
I absolutely agree with you. It is hard. One day at a time. Thanks for that today.
Hope you get the meds sorted out too. People have no idea how hard this is.
So much better than the alternative, but hard.:ghug3
I absolutely agree with you. It is hard. One day at a time. Thanks for that today.
Hope you get the meds sorted out too. People have no idea how hard this is.
So much better than the alternative, but hard.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Josh,
God bless you! Despite not feeling well, your dedication and commitment is an inspiration. Reaching out and offering hope to others that are suffering and struggling is nothing short of courageous. Your post helped this alcoholic with only 6 days of sobriety
God bless you! Despite not feeling well, your dedication and commitment is an inspiration. Reaching out and offering hope to others that are suffering and struggling is nothing short of courageous. Your post helped this alcoholic with only 6 days of sobriety
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Congrats on 13 months, and hang in there, Josh. I was tempted to toss 9 months last weekend as well, so I get what you are talking about. It will pass, if we let it.
I'm beginning to learn that recovery will yield what I put into it. I haven't given it as much focus as it deserves; ie, working the steps, so I'm adding a midweek meeting to the mix. I shared my thoughts similar to yours at my Sat a.m. meeting yesterday, and got a lot of support. I was glad I did.
Hang in there, and get some regular sleep, man!
I'm beginning to learn that recovery will yield what I put into it. I haven't given it as much focus as it deserves; ie, working the steps, so I'm adding a midweek meeting to the mix. I shared my thoughts similar to yours at my Sat a.m. meeting yesterday, and got a lot of support. I was glad I did.
Hang in there, and get some regular sleep, man!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Thanks Josh. It raises the issue of the lack of 'time' milestones once you get to 12 months. It is clear to me now that the anticipation of the milestones provides support for sobriety one day at a time. What comes after 12?
Having said that.........on to the next adventure. The opportunities of sobriety continue to grow for me and I am extremely grateful to be where I am at.
Having said that.........on to the next adventure. The opportunities of sobriety continue to grow for me and I am extremely grateful to be where I am at.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hey Josh
I think 13 months is great, tho I'm sorry you're feeling a bit low right now.
To be honest my first year was a hard slog.
After that my focus kinda naturally moved from 'not drinking' to living the life I wanted to live and being the man I wanted to be.
Life is life.
Not every day is unicorns and popsicles, but I have a sense of peace now...I know a bad day is just 24 hours long
I wish that same stability and peace for you man - you're definitely heading in the right direction IMO
D
I think 13 months is great, tho I'm sorry you're feeling a bit low right now.
To be honest my first year was a hard slog.
After that my focus kinda naturally moved from 'not drinking' to living the life I wanted to live and being the man I wanted to be.
Life is life.
Not every day is unicorns and popsicles, but I have a sense of peace now...I know a bad day is just 24 hours long
I wish that same stability and peace for you man - you're definitely heading in the right direction IMO
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Josh,
You are one of my favorite people here. You were one of my "rocks" in the beginning, ten months ago. I guess that is why I feel so badly that you are having a low time.
That being said, I suffer from depression, and I know how that can affect everything if things get out of balance. Add lack of sleep and things start to feel wierdly out of control and a little frightening. Depressed and tired? Not a good combination. I personally don't think you are going to drink, but when I start even thinking about it, no matter how long I have been sober, I now get uncomfortable. (Just because of my personal experience of being sober for years twice....each time I drank after 8 years and 9 years sobriety, I had actually been entertaining the idea for several weeks, I realize looking back.)*
*But that is me, not you. I am not being judgemental or anything. Just trying to help.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor about this. And yeah, life is just life, even sober sometimes it isn't all that. But it REALLY sucked when I was drinking.....for almost every second. Take care, eJoshua. Elizabeth
You are one of my favorite people here. You were one of my "rocks" in the beginning, ten months ago. I guess that is why I feel so badly that you are having a low time.
That being said, I suffer from depression, and I know how that can affect everything if things get out of balance. Add lack of sleep and things start to feel wierdly out of control and a little frightening. Depressed and tired? Not a good combination. I personally don't think you are going to drink, but when I start even thinking about it, no matter how long I have been sober, I now get uncomfortable. (Just because of my personal experience of being sober for years twice....each time I drank after 8 years and 9 years sobriety, I had actually been entertaining the idea for several weeks, I realize looking back.)*
*But that is me, not you. I am not being judgemental or anything. Just trying to help.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor about this. And yeah, life is just life, even sober sometimes it isn't all that. But it REALLY sucked when I was drinking.....for almost every second. Take care, eJoshua. Elizabeth
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Josh, you're doing great and I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now.
It took me awhile to gain confidence, but I know now that if I have a bad day or two, it won't last. I'm certain of that.
It took me awhile to gain confidence, but I know now that if I have a bad day or two, it won't last. I'm certain of that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Good reminder Josh,
I am coming up to a year and I do see it as a milestone, I am further away from my last drink and the residual effects alcohol was having on my mind.
I had a fleeting thought yesterday about how nice it would be just to have a drink and lose myself for a while. I had drank too much coffee that day allowed a situation to get to me and had background pain from a not serious chronic condition.
Thanks for posting this like Sugarbear I am not far behind you and it's nice that people tell me what might be ahead on the road to recovery and healing.
Love
caiHong
I am coming up to a year and I do see it as a milestone, I am further away from my last drink and the residual effects alcohol was having on my mind.
I had a fleeting thought yesterday about how nice it would be just to have a drink and lose myself for a while. I had drank too much coffee that day allowed a situation to get to me and had background pain from a not serious chronic condition.
Thanks for posting this like Sugarbear I am not far behind you and it's nice that people tell me what might be ahead on the road to recovery and healing.
Love
caiHong
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