First relapse....now what????
 

Ugh.....11 days.....

Broke down, but some Bacardi. I'm drunk now, but it doesn't feel the same. I'm ashamed and I know when I wake up I'll be extremely mad at myself......yet I'm the one that bought it, made it, and drank it.

This is what I was afraid of. Now I get to tell my outpatient group that I had a relapse..........how and the hell does anyone stay sober? I was doing so well but the cravings just killed me.............

Good news, only had 4 drinks, and I'm going to bed. This won't be a weekend long binge like it used to be.....I'm done and ready for some sleep.

Donnylutz

now what?

get rid of the rest of the bacardi - get some sleep.

Then start again Donny :)


Tomorrow...look at what you've been doing for recovery - look at what else you can add to that - if cravings are getting you down - whats your support like - do you have people to call?

what do you do when the cravings hit?

This is just the first hurdle - not the whole event Donny - you'll regroup :)
glad you're back :)
D

That's precisely what the AA book means when it reads on p24 "Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

I did my best to fight it just like you did.... I don't recall ever making it a month - maybe a week or two here and there. For me, I always thought it was the last drinks that did me in. Now I see it's that stupid FIRST one. Once that one's in me.....nothing's gonna stop me short of physically removing the alcohol or me from the alcohol. Not picking up that first one is the key.....but I couldn't avoid that first one for long and, once I started, it was off to the races again.

This is the type of alcoholic AA was designed for and has been working successfully for for almost 80 years. If you can find a way to stop, stay stopped, and enjoy life - that's great. If you can't...or, like me, don't feel like trying and failing for the next month, quarter, year or decade.....I'd suggest getting hooked up with some of the folks in AA.

Thanks Dee....I already know the answer...

I need to go to more AA meetings.....I don't have that network or even a sponsor.........both could help so much when the cravings hit..........the other night I had a friend come over but tonight she was busy and I just couldn't handle it.......

I'm upset but not totally..........usually it's a weekend long event.......tonight was just a slip up....I'll go to bed....wake up feeling guilty but not hung over....and I'll start over............again.

More AA and finding more support.......of course I know I could have just come here and mentioned that I was about to drink and would have found tons of support......................I think part of recovery is realizing that you do have support, even though you try to ignore it and use it as an excuse.

Good night.......tomorrow is day 1......again.......ugh

Donnylutz :a043:

Thanks Daytrader................I could/should have gone to an AA meeting tonight....was planning on it......

Not sure the issue....when I go to AA (or my outpatient group meetings) I feel great and strong...........I live in Minneapolis and am gay and the amount of gay AA meetings daily is enormous......I have NO EXCUSE for not going to at least one meeting a day, especially since my boss told me to leave work for two weeks to get sober........................

Damn I hate this........no use talking anymore....I'm drunk.....I don't listen to my drunk self anymore (or at least I'm trying not too).......glass of water, aspirin, and bed.

Today is a new day. Don't bring booze into your home and try two mtgs. a day.

Just dust yourself off, review your situation and get back on ya bike. Try not to keep making the same mistakes.

i sure hope you are willing to put in the footwork of the program of AA. reading the BB i am sure you have noticed that going to meetings and getting a sponsor are not suggestions in the steps to recover, but we are blessed to have people that went before us to guide us and teach us if we are willing and openminded enough to learning. we gotta put in the footwork to change our thinking(will) and actions(life).

sobriety rocks!!! one day at a time! and when i have to its one minute at a time!

Hi Donny
Well done for facing up to things. You're not back to square one, but my experience is that you need to be very careful now that you don't think 'I failed one day so another one won't matter much more'. Time to quickly get back on that horse and carry on your journey.

Be blessed +

This disease is cunning, baffling, insidious. At least nothing horrible happened and you can dust yourself off and get back on the horse and live a fantastic wonderful sober life. Don't get me wrong.... those first few months are really, really hard, but it does get easier. Time is your friend. Wait for the magic to happen!

First relapse = LAST relapse. Hang tough - you can do it!