Jeni26

God this is so hard!!
Husband is loud argumentative and as drunk as hell. I'm still holding on in my sobriety but this is no fun at all.

Zee

I have that problem with my husband sometimes (maybe tonight, he is out, so who knows!) Pizzes me off big time!
Hang in there tonight. Just remember it won't be you with the bad hangover in the morning! x

RachelNorth

hi. that does sound bad. I know the feeling, gave up drinking for three months last summer and my fella drove me mad, argumentative, loud and just plain annoyingly drunk. I've been sober for nearly 2 months and am single again. Can't allow drinkers in my life again. Hope you keep your soberity. It is more important than anything. Stay strong.

sissy07

Jeni26,

Sorry to hear that. I was married to an alcoholic when I became sober for an extended period of time. I actually began to use his behavior as an affirmation that I don't want to drink and be like that. It really turned me off.....we were not a good match, we ended up divorced. But alot of that had to do with me not accepting bad behavior that I did accept when I drank. He became an embarrassment.

So maybe you could use his behavior the way I used his? Take the high road....maybe he will end up joining you in sobriety as some point in time. I hope so. Just whatever you do, please don't drink.

Dee74

I'm sorry Jeni - lean on the support you'll find here - you can get through the night

D

Jitterbugg

Hi Jeni,
I was 'that guy' too. When I was drunk, I was so belligerent and argumentative that my girlfriend at the time would go stay at a friend's house or her parents'. It's not that we argued or fought over things, she just couldn't handle how "annoying" I became. I would watch sports at a high volume and yell and scream at the TV or I would blast music she didn't like and then tell here how much her favourite bands sucked etc...

I am the complete opposite when sober and now I can't stand drunk people haha. I look back on the last few years and I wanna kick myself in the nuts for being such a douche-bag! haha

Hang in there!

Jeni26

Thankyou all. I will not drink but this hurts so much. It would be a lot easier in some ways if I did, but I'm going to face everything head on from now on.
This takes me back to feeling like a kid when my dad drank. He was violent and abusive which husband isn't but those same feelings of anxiety come bubbling to the surface.
Was it only weeks ago that I would have been just as drunk and loud and unreasonable? I feel a million miles from the person I was then.
This just makes me very unhappy now.

CaiHong

Hi Jen,
Whenyour husband is sober is it possible to talk to him about how you are feeling?
How often does this happen?
Yes it is sad. it sounds like you really care for him.

Love
CaiHong

Hevyn

Jeni, I'm so sorry. Sad for your husband, too. Hold on to your sobriety and the hope that you have for the future. You're doing a great job keeping yourself together, and sober.

Michael66

Hi Jeni,

Hang in there. There's probably all sorts of things going on in your husband's head now he is seeing you are committed to being sober. You've dug deep on avoiding alcohol in tricky situations so you know you can do that - now it sounds you may need to find hidden reserves of patience and love.

Thank you for sharing - my wife doesn't drink (never has) so I draw great inspiration from those of you keeping sober around people who do drink.

desertsong

I'm sorry, Jeni. You know I can relate. Mine spent nearly 12 hours at his favorite bar yesterday and isn't drunk today but so hungover that he's pretty well useless. The fact that you can remain sober through all of this is a huge testament to your strength. Your sobriety comes first ... no matter what your husband does. Just keep reminding yourself of that. I now look at my husband through sober eyes ... and I often see myself. It isn't a pretty picture but if anything, it is helping me to stay sober. I don't want to go back to that life. All I can feel when I look at him is pity. He is a slave to alcohol, just as your husband is. They no longer have the power to choose, and that is a very, very sad thing. But YOU don't have to go there. Remember that, and know that we understand. *hugs*

hypochondriac

Sorry you're struggling Jeni, that doesn't sound fun at all. But you should be so happy of your achievements. Getting drunk with him isn't going to help anything. Could you get some outside help with those feelings of anxiety too. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with but I've always admired your strength in this xxx

Sapling

Hang in there Jeni....Spend some time here and don't drink.

Spinach

Jeni, Good luck.
Was this the same when you both drank ?
Has your sobriety triggered something, is this his nadir moment or
are you giving him a hard time because he is still drinking.
It's amazing what we put up with until we can't any longer.
You certainly can tick the box sobriety under pressure.
John.

Anna

Jeni, I'm glad that you're getting through this and doing well.

You can show your husband, by your example, how to live a sober life.

sugarbear1

Sorry that is happening to ya. I've been there, too.

I'd be getting my video camera out by now just for fun, then see the reaction from him in a day or two. Enlightening, to say the least.

You can get through this. Pop on some headphones and either listen to a speaker tape or some great music. Grab a book, call a friend on the phone, hop in a bubble bath, get out for some ice cream....

Jeni26

Thanks everyone, he's just left for work, decided to take the train instead of drive which is a wise move on his part.
I'm ok, just a bit empty. I wasn't tempted to drink ( well maybe briefly at the beginning when I could see which way the evening was headed and thought it would be easier to join in!)
I think as desertsong said, I'm watching myself in him and it's not a pretty sight when you're on the outside looking in. He was shouting and swearing so loudly last night that our daughter came downstairs to ask him to be quiet as she had friends staying and they were asking questions. But he was beyond the point of any reason.
What sort of example have we set our children? That concerns me too.
Anyway, he is lost to it, as I was. No judgements from me just a wish that it was different.
It is just sad.
Thanks for your support as always x

Sapling

God Bless you Jeni....You're doing a great job. All you can do is pray for him and hang on to your sobriety with your life. Keep on keeping on!

stillsleeping

Hey sweetie, sorry you had such a rough night. I'm here...
xxx

epskie

Hey Jen,

I think you're strong as an ox and I admire you so much for your strength in this situation. Maybe one day he will come round and take your path but in the meantime you can be proud of the shining example you're setting.

Hugs xxx