first post here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 120
first post here
hi....
not sure what to say. i've been an alcoholic for years now- i'm 31 and have been drinking since a teen. over the years it's gotten more and more out of control, and this past year has been awful. i've been hospitalized, missed many days of work, and even tried antabuse a few times.
last night i got incredibly drunk, and i was late for work this morning and showed up still drunk. i realized i couldn't be there, and had to leave. i'm exhausted, and overcome with shame and fear. i'm worried i will be in trouble at work, and i'm so embarassed of what my co-workers and bosses must think. my family and friends have heard me say 'i'm sorry', and 'i'm quitting' more times than i can count, and i can't imagine how they can trust anything i say. i'm writing just to get this out, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with this shame and guilt, i would love any feedback.
thank you...
not sure what to say. i've been an alcoholic for years now- i'm 31 and have been drinking since a teen. over the years it's gotten more and more out of control, and this past year has been awful. i've been hospitalized, missed many days of work, and even tried antabuse a few times.
last night i got incredibly drunk, and i was late for work this morning and showed up still drunk. i realized i couldn't be there, and had to leave. i'm exhausted, and overcome with shame and fear. i'm worried i will be in trouble at work, and i'm so embarassed of what my co-workers and bosses must think. my family and friends have heard me say 'i'm sorry', and 'i'm quitting' more times than i can count, and i can't imagine how they can trust anything i say. i'm writing just to get this out, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with this shame and guilt, i would love any feedback.
thank you...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
Welcome and I sure do understand how you feel at this point. No one in your life believes anything you say, trust is gone, and the shame is always there. I'm so glad you found us because we can offer you lots of support.
The best thing you can do is stop drinking now and don't buy anymore alcohol. You can deal with the work situation on Monday and see what happens. But, however it works out, you need to focus on recovery.
Welcome and I sure do understand how you feel at this point. No one in your life believes anything you say, trust is gone, and the shame is always there. I'm so glad you found us because we can offer you lots of support.
The best thing you can do is stop drinking now and don't buy anymore alcohol. You can deal with the work situation on Monday and see what happens. But, however it works out, you need to focus on recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Yeah...I can totally relate to that story....You can't help yourself if you are drinking...Anna's right...Put it down and get rid of what you got. You say you've been hospitalized...Are you OK detoxing on your own? Have you talked to a doctor about quitting?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Changer - welcome! That's the stage I had reached when I finally quit for the last time. I was in my 50's, though - not 31 - so you're facing reality sooner than I did.
For me, I kept trying to get back the euphoric, fun feeling I once got from drinking. It had been many years since it had actually been enjoyable, but still I kept at it. Instead of seeing the danger signs and taking action, the way you are, I continued until I almost lost my life.
For the first few weeks after I quit I would lay awake and replay in my mind the awful things that happened while I was drunk. I'd walk the floor and rehash every stupid and dangerous thing I'd done. I realized I would never heal or move forward until I forgave myself and stopped the guilt and remorse. It was destroying me, and I was tempted to numb the pain - so I had to develop a new attitude. Give yourself a break and concentrate on getting well. Leave the old, sick life behind - don't torment yourself with the past. When people see how great you're doing the memories of what happened before you quit will fade away.
For me, I kept trying to get back the euphoric, fun feeling I once got from drinking. It had been many years since it had actually been enjoyable, but still I kept at it. Instead of seeing the danger signs and taking action, the way you are, I continued until I almost lost my life.
For the first few weeks after I quit I would lay awake and replay in my mind the awful things that happened while I was drunk. I'd walk the floor and rehash every stupid and dangerous thing I'd done. I realized I would never heal or move forward until I forgave myself and stopped the guilt and remorse. It was destroying me, and I was tempted to numb the pain - so I had to develop a new attitude. Give yourself a break and concentrate on getting well. Leave the old, sick life behind - don't torment yourself with the past. When people see how great you're doing the memories of what happened before you quit will fade away.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Kirkland Washington
Posts: 2
I was just in the same position your in about 3 weeks ago. I ended up in jail and lost my job at the same time. You have to sit down and look at what you want. And if your like me, you don't want that shame and guilt that we live with everyday. You need to push yourself to want a better life. The only way to get there is to start the recover process.If your friends and family are telling you its a problem...they are probably correct. Pretty much the way to save yourself, your job and keep the friends is to STOP DRINKING. It sucks at first but after 18 days sober. Life looks a lot clearer. Hope you find your way.
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Changer, you have to decide right now what kind of life you want. Think about your future and the legacy you want to leave. Don't dwell on the past. You can't change it. Take the steps now so you won't have to add anything to your list of sins.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by changer 
hi....
not sure what to say. i've been an alcoholic for years now- i'm 31 and have been drinking since a teen. over the years it's gotten more and more out of control, and this past year has been awful. i've been hospitalized, missed many days of work, and even tried antabuse a few times.
last night i got incredibly drunk, and i was late for work this morning and showed up still drunk. i realized i couldn't be there, and had to leave. i'm exhausted, and overcome with shame and fear. i'm worried i will be in trouble at work, and i'm so embarassed of what my co-workers and bosses must think. my family and friends have heard me say 'i'm sorry', and 'i'm quitting' more times than i can count, and i can't imagine how they can trust anything i say. i'm writing just to get this out, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with this shame and guilt, i would love any feedback.
thank you...
not sure what to say. i've been an alcoholic for years now- i'm 31 and have been drinking since a teen. over the years it's gotten more and more out of control, and this past year has been awful. i've been hospitalized, missed many days of work, and even tried antabuse a few times.
last night i got incredibly drunk, and i was late for work this morning and showed up still drunk. i realized i couldn't be there, and had to leave. i'm exhausted, and overcome with shame and fear. i'm worried i will be in trouble at work, and i'm so embarassed of what my co-workers and bosses must think. my family and friends have heard me say 'i'm sorry', and 'i'm quitting' more times than i can count, and i can't imagine how they can trust anything i say. i'm writing just to get this out, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with this shame and guilt, i would love any feedback.
thank you...
What you have is an opportunity.
You have been presented with a problem, but there is a solution. You have an opportunity to learn from this and to change.
Thank God, you have been led here to SR, and are now among others that have found the way out.
Many people never make it to recovery. Someday you might be grateful that this bad thing that happened turned out to be the catalyst to your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Ah, the shame and guilt, I nearly forgot about that...
I reckon you have to ignore that for a bit. But I found that a lot of that evaporated as I got sober. As I got more confident in my sobriety I realised it didn't matter what other people thought but rather what I thought of myself. It is probably likely that you are your severest critic though.
Things may be up and down for a while but you will start to feel better once you get sober.
I'm about the same age as you and It feels good when you realise that you actually have a pretty decent amount of life ahead of you
Glad you're here x
I reckon you have to ignore that for a bit. But I found that a lot of that evaporated as I got sober. As I got more confident in my sobriety I realised it didn't matter what other people thought but rather what I thought of myself. It is probably likely that you are your severest critic though.
Things may be up and down for a while but you will start to feel better once you get sober.
I'm about the same age as you and It feels good when you realise that you actually have a pretty decent amount of life ahead of you
Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by changer
thank you, everyone. just got back from a meeting and it feels good to know there are so many of us out there...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 78
I know for me admitting to others that I am an alcoholic and I want help has been a gamechanger.
If you really want to stop drinking and you admit you have a drinking problem to the people you work with it really changes things.
I thought everyone knew I was an alcoholic but it was my paranoia- they all said they had no idea.
If you really want to stop drinking and you admit you have a drinking problem to the people you work with it really changes things.
I thought everyone knew I was an alcoholic but it was my paranoia- they all said they had no idea.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome changer!
Glad you're getting support today - it's just about impossible to do this on our own. As you said, there are a lot of us out there!
Keep reading and posting - We know how it feels and we're here to support you!
Glad you're getting support today - it's just about impossible to do this on our own. As you said, there are a lot of us out there!
Keep reading and posting - We know how it feels and we're here to support you!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by changer
i'm exhausted, and overcome with shame and fear. i'm worried i will be in trouble at work, and i'm so embarassed of what my co-workers and bosses must think. my family and friends have heard me say 'i'm sorry', and 'i'm quitting' more times than i can count, and i can't imagine how they can trust anything i say. i'm writing just to get this out, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with this shame and guilt, i would love any feedback.
thank you...
thank you...
Feelings of shame, guilt and worthlessness are very destructive and I think are the driving force for drinking. At least in my case.
What helped me is to look at the many blessings I have in my life, and to realize I WILL lose them if I keep drinking. Your moment to remember is walking in to work drunk. That can be your lowest point. You never want to do this again right? If you keep drinking this will be far from your lowest point.
Join us Changer, reaching out is a huge first step.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70
Feelings of shame, guilt and worthlessness are very destructive and I think are the driving force for drinking. At least in my case.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Changer
Welcome to SR, I can vouch for the fact that once you start drinking, life may not get better, but your ability to cope with it and seize and enjoy the good times, and cope with the bad ones does
And boy is that worth it
Billy
Welcome to SR, I can vouch for the fact that once you start drinking, life may not get better, but your ability to cope with it and seize and enjoy the good times, and cope with the bad ones does
And boy is that worth it
Billy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
How to deal with shame and guilt - my philosophy is: don't. Step away from it. It is no longer you, from the minute you quit. And it is toxic.
The sun rose today on an entirely new world, full of possibilities.
Yes, people may remember the old you, and be wary at times; and there may be clutter from your past. Sweep it away and be your future.
And one thing I did that turned out better than expected: I saw a doctor and was honest. I had expected this to be a shaming experience and it was not; he was very constructive and encouraging, and had actual good advice (imagine that! ) about nutrition, exercise etc.
Best wishes to you and keep posting - this is a wonderful place to learn.
The sun rose today on an entirely new world, full of possibilities.
Yes, people may remember the old you, and be wary at times; and there may be clutter from your past. Sweep it away and be your future.
And one thing I did that turned out better than expected: I saw a doctor and was honest. I had expected this to be a shaming experience and it was not; he was very constructive and encouraging, and had actual good advice (imagine that!
) about nutrition, exercise etc.Best wishes to you and keep posting - this is a wonderful place to learn.
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