TimeToGetALife

I am supposed to be on a girls night out this evening.. been thinking about it all day, having a fight in my brain one side saying "it will be great to see everyone, I don't need or want to drink to enjoy myself, I don't want to start again" the other side is saying "well you could just have one drink, its not like I would be starting again as I haven't got a problem.. etc etc"

So I haven't gone... things is I am now so low.. is staying in on my own all I have to look forward to now? being sober is a very lonely place to be.

Still on the plus side.. haven't had a drink for 28 days now!

Sorry to moan.. it is friday night and I should be looking forward to the weekend and not bringing everyone else down..

Duke10

Very tough situation and you have to do what you think is right for you. It maybe a little lonely now but I know a couple of people who have quit and can go out and it is not a problem. Maybe this is not the time for you ubut if you stay strong and stay sober your time will come. I am only on day 6 so I could never think of even trying!! Good luck

wow04

Do you go to AA? Do you have any support group?

Easyrider

28 days fantastic! well done! x

TimeToGetALife

No I don't - I find meetings and things extremely stressful to be honest as I am very shy... I know that I should go, and it isn't the first time it has been suggested.. but I just can't at the moment..

TimeToGetALife

Hi Duke10, thank you for the support and well done on 6 days.. you are doing really well xxxx

wow04

When I got clean and sober I had to give up the old life. It was very hard, but I had a wonderful support system. Are there any friends that don't drink you can hang out with?

I was also very shy and meetings terrified me. I had my brother to go with. He was in recovery at the time. Do you have anyone that can go with you? You develop friendships with people who are clean and sober and it is wonderful. You don't feel like you are alone and an odd ball.

Hevyn

Hello TimeTo! I know how you feel, and that way of thinking was what kept me drinking for many years. I couldn't imagine not being able to go out & do the things I always enjoyed. So I just continued trying to control the amounts I drank (with disastrous results.)

As Duke said, you must do what's right for you. In early sobriety I was very resentful, & it would've been a mistake for me to go to my favorite old spots. As the months went on, I was able to carefully go where drinks were served. I did it only when I felt strong, and happier with my new life than I'd ever been with my old one. I now look at my drinking friends with a tolerant little smile - I'm glad they can have a few without destroying their lives - but I can't! Once we really learn that, we're able to move on and enjoy the new life we're making for ourselves.

Big congrats on your 28 days! You're doing great1

TimeToGetALife

All my friends drink, and I don't have anyone that I could go with, but I do understand what you are saying and it is something that I think about every day.. thank you for the suppory Wow04

TimeToGetALife

Thanks, I do realise that I wont be killed attending a meeting hahaha - however the evening I was due to go on consisted of friends I have known for years and my two sisters.. I wouldn't have spoken to people I didn't know.. I never do in person.

So whilst it is an excuse I agree.. as any reason being given as to why you don't do something is.. being shy is a very hard and real reason and something that I have battled my entire life.. in fact was one of the reasons I started drinking at 15. :-)

Tres

Hello Time. great job on your 28 days. I was in your shoes around that same time in sobriety.I went out for dinner with the girls...drinking girls. I worried the whole day on how to handle it. I told myself I would only have hot tea....it was chilly out and late November. I made sure I had my own car and didn't have to pick up or take anyone home. It was awkward, and one of my friends kept asking me to get a drink. I told her I wasn't feeling well. That was the extent of that.

I enjoyed my meal, and quietly declined the offers to go out to a club. I must admit it was hard to do, but I wanted to see my friends. It worked out fine and I was relieved when it was over. I understand exactly how you feel.

I have stayed home a lot since I started this journey, but its OK. I am learning who I am. What kept me going was that i knew how GREAT I was going to feel in the morning!!

Good luck! I have only gone to one AA meeting. It was a women's only and i did enjoy it. I didn't have to say a word. It was nice to be in a room where everyone there understands you.

Duke10

You are so Timely, Time!! I just had a bunch of my employee's come in and ask me to a party for one of my guys that is retiring after 32 years. Yeah, 6 days sober is not enough to go to a bar with my guys. It's sad and maybe I am still resentful at my sobriety but I have made up my mind not to drink and I know that sober life will be better based on the people on this website. Hang tough girlie, you will have friends, you will be able to go out and not drink, all in due time.

Dee74

Hi TGAL

I opted out of those kinds of evenings to and I'm glad I did.

Like others have said we have to make recovery our main priority and that means makes some changes - sometimes sweeping ones.

It doesn't mean we need to become a hermit tho - there are things to do that don't involve alcohol - going out for coffee, seeing a movie, playing some kind of sport...you're only limited by your imagination really

If you can't convince your current bunch of friends to come along, maybe it's time to start making new friends?

I'm shy too, but I'd rather put the effort into new things and new people than go back to my drinking life

D

Deserto

Hey Time, not going tonight sounds like the right thing for you now. But since it's a girl's night out with such good friends and your sisters... maybe you can suggest the next one not revolve around drinking?

TimeToGetALife

We do have a 'come dine with me' every few months.. and that is great - and I am sure that in time I will be able to do the nights out on the town with them too.. just today I didn't feel strong enough.. I am glad that I made the decision to stay put now :-)

Thank you everyone, it is great to have the support and great advice when I need it most. Today has been my first real blip where I have found my decision to stop stressful.. and now that I am through it and accepted that I made the right choice I feel stronger about it all xx

Duke10

Good for you. Try to think of something you love to do and do it tonight. I know it may be by yourself. A good movie, nice chocolate sundae, hot bubble bath. You get the point. Try not to sit around and think about it because you did the right thing and so did I. Feel good about it.

Duke10

By the way Time. Have a good night. I had to throw that in there so you were my
100th post!! Yeah mon!!

TimeToGetALife

hahaha Duke10.. get you with your 100 posts...

You are right we did make the best choice, hope you are enjoying your evening.. and I have done exactly what you have said.. had a lovely hot bath, now sitting around in my PJ's eating my fav foods and have some lovely fruity drinks watching TV.. it's the weekend YAY!! now I am going to start enjoying it x

Sapling

It's a good choice...You'll be able to do these things in the future...If you even want to...Give yourself some time. Early on for me I guarded my sobriety with my life...Literally. You'll gain strength everyday...Just keep moving forward.

eh1988

When I quit, my anxiety was so high that I couldn't go to dinner with friends because I knew I'd end up drinking. I had to stay in for a few weeks before I started getting my legs under me. You're right, sobriety is a very lonely place, but in time I promise it does get better. Soon you'll be able to hangout with friends and do the normal things people do without having a drink.