muffinhead

I have never, in my entire life, deliberately hurt anyone, not emotionally, not verbally, not physically. I have never laid a finger on another person, nor would I. The thought alone is abhorrent to me. I have never driven drunk. I have never considered having kids and bringing them into the horrible world of my addiction.

And, yet, I am constantly made to feel like a freaking war criminal because I cannot control my drinking, even though I rarely venture outside. I mean, seriously. I hate myself enough. I hate every twisted, freaking feature of my entire being. Recovery and health issues aside, is there some explanation as to why it's fair game for those who do not suffer this excruciating addiction to judge and condemn those who do?

Dee74

I'm not sure of your circumstances muffinhead but I know I spent years getting really upset about this too...

I eventually realised I could put my energy to being upset about that - or put it into being sober.

I'm not being funny here btw - that really is the solution.

Let others think what they like...you won;t change it while you're drinking and it's really a distraction to what should be the really important issue in your life.

I went from being 'that guy' in the neighbourhood - the joke of the block - to being a normal upright citizen again.

Reputations and lives can be redeemed

You've just got to find *your* way to get sober. If AA doesn't work, try SMART or Rational Recovery, or LifeRing or SOS...try counselling...try rehab (inpatient or outpatient).

If you can't go over the wall...go round it

D

cutepooka

Ya know what I think...then people don't have to deal with their faults. We all have them...ours just happens to be an addiction to either drugs or alcohol. Easier to judge than whatever someone else may be dealing with, maybe I'm just talking out my a** but that's what I seem to deal with. At times it seems to me the people that I have even confided in about my problem want me to drink....maybe if I fail, then better for them, then they are better than me... Make sense? Geez...I know I said nothing, but for what it is worth I feel the same way. Just know you are important and it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just hang in there and keep trying and know that so many people are rooting for ya!

flhogi

You are smart for not having kids with our addiction. I had kids and I'm always dealing with guilt. I'm working on this. My drinking has affected my relationship with my kids and also other family members.

eh1988

I'm still feeling guilt, I've got some sober days behind me and I still can't shake those feelings. I've talked to people about it, apologized a lot. God I can't even remember how many people I've apologized too, still feel guilty. It's a feeling that us alcoholics have, you see, every alcoholic I know has a big heart. They don't want to drag anyone down in their addiction, most of the time they just want to be left alone. Alcohol only fuels the guilt, it makes you think irrational thoughts. Stop feeling guilty, and start feeling proud that you're attempting sobriety.

Sapling

Because they don't understand it. You don't know what it's like to go through this unless you have it. Do whatever you have to do to get out of it...Then try to help someone that is suffering like you to do the same. Because they are everywhere.

Jitterbugg

Well Muffinhead, people are ignorant. They don't understand the disease aspect of alcoholism, rather they see it as a weakness or a choice. That's why I have told very few people about my struggle with alcohol. They just don't understand.

Lenina

Muffinheqd,

I drank much like you describe, alone, on my own and didn't see how I was hurting my friends and family. Finally, I realized I was hurting them by depriving them of my company and care while I was isolating and drinking. I could not give my best attentions to the people who loved me (and who I loved too) when I was hungover.

People who do not understand addiction may and do judge. A part of my recovery involves making amends. This helps me to not have the guilty feelings.

I hope this helps you.

Love from Lenina

eh1988

Great post.

doggonecarl

Muffinhead, I'm worried for you. Your last two posts scream out that you are miserable in your sobriety and it shouldn't be that way. I'm not going to presume what you are or aren't doing in your recovery, as I don't know. But you do. If you are working a solid program and still carry around guilt, anger, resentments, could it be an underlying problem? Depression or something that has nothing to do with your alcohol use?

Wishing you peace of mind.

Michael66

Hi Muffinhead

I'm not sure who you feel is judging you. If it is family and friends then it could be that they are concerned for you - that they want you to have a better life.

I read a nice quote about forgiveness recently - and that is forgiveness is letting go of a hoped-for past that didn't happen. I think quite a few of us need to forgive ourselves, and to forgive those who we feel did not understand what we were/are going through. I sense you may need to experience some of that letting go of a past you cannot change, but sorry if I have mis-read your position.

God bless you Muffinhead.

Anna

Muffinhead, who is judging you?

I found it to be SO important in my early recovery to NOT be around people who were negative or toxic.

2granddaughters

I find all the help and understanding I need at my AA meetings.

All the best.

Bob R

stairs

Hi muffinhead,

If I were home most of the time and confined my social contact to family, much as I adore them, it would not be pretty!!!

I need to get out and interact with others. AA meetings serve this purpose nicely for me.

Even going shopping or just browsing is good; trying on shoes for an hour can do wonders for my outlook on life.