First post, my story, is there anyone else like me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Utica, NY
Posts: 7
First post, my story, is there anyone else like me?
Hi everyone. I’m 6 months sober on Saturday and this is the first time I have attempted to become sober and so far it has been a mixed bag of emotions. I have tried talking to family, friends, my girlfriend but part of me feels like there is only so much you can tell people not in the same boat before they lose interest or don’t see the importance like you do. So, I’ve decided to find a forum and put out my thoughts publically if for nothing more than my own piece of mind.
Six months ago I got behind the wheel after four beers, four shots and a mixed drink within two hours. I knew I was driving when I got in my car, but parts of the trip were instantly blacked during the 15 minute ride home. When I somehow made it into the driveway I panicked and called my mother crying hysterically and begging for help. It was at this point I finally realized after over ten years of drinking that I had a problem.
So I decided that night, right then and there I was going to quit and I did. The problem is though when I told friends and family about my decision I got responses like “what are you an alcoholic? It’s not that bad is it?” and no matter what I said to people I feel they never really took it completely seriously. My best friends wife even went to say “it’s so funny how you count the days you have been sober you sound like an alcoholic”. That hurt me so deeply I have not been able to talk to her about it, I did talk to my best friend and I think he passed on word to her.
I think part of the problem with people not taking this as serious as I hoped they would is that a lot of the drinking I did was alone, at night, at home. No one really saw that I was drinking a six pack per night and slamming a few shots just to take the edge off from the day. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a tough life, at least I don’t feel I do but we all have our baggage and I choose to shut mine out be becoming so drunk nightly that I would pass out. Sadly, I didn’t see this as a problem until recently. I still have problems, like when I get sad I want to drink, when something happens negatively I want to drink but so far I’ve held off the urges. It’s a struggle but not a daily one.
I guess why I’m telling this so openly is I hope someone else out there is going through or has gone through what I am and maybe for once I can get some feedback from someone who really understands. Thanks for reading this and letting me get this off my chest. I already feel better.
Six months ago I got behind the wheel after four beers, four shots and a mixed drink within two hours. I knew I was driving when I got in my car, but parts of the trip were instantly blacked during the 15 minute ride home. When I somehow made it into the driveway I panicked and called my mother crying hysterically and begging for help. It was at this point I finally realized after over ten years of drinking that I had a problem.
So I decided that night, right then and there I was going to quit and I did. The problem is though when I told friends and family about my decision I got responses like “what are you an alcoholic? It’s not that bad is it?” and no matter what I said to people I feel they never really took it completely seriously. My best friends wife even went to say “it’s so funny how you count the days you have been sober you sound like an alcoholic”. That hurt me so deeply I have not been able to talk to her about it, I did talk to my best friend and I think he passed on word to her.
I think part of the problem with people not taking this as serious as I hoped they would is that a lot of the drinking I did was alone, at night, at home. No one really saw that I was drinking a six pack per night and slamming a few shots just to take the edge off from the day. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a tough life, at least I don’t feel I do but we all have our baggage and I choose to shut mine out be becoming so drunk nightly that I would pass out. Sadly, I didn’t see this as a problem until recently. I still have problems, like when I get sad I want to drink, when something happens negatively I want to drink but so far I’ve held off the urges. It’s a struggle but not a daily one.
I guess why I’m telling this so openly is I hope someone else out there is going through or has gone through what I am and maybe for once I can get some feedback from someone who really understands. Thanks for reading this and letting me get this off my chest. I already feel better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome Doingthisforme...I look at it like this....I'm an alcoholic...I quit because I know what my problem is...And I don't really care what anybody else has to say about it...What they think is none of my business.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Utica, NY
Posts: 7
Thanks for the reply Sapling. I understand your frame of thought and, to a point, I agree. I guess really what I was going for though was dealing with family and friends. There are certain people in life you can not shut out and ignore (at least I can't). So my reply to your comment would be how did you handle breaking the news to your family, did you experience anything like I have and how did you deal with it?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 41
Hey DoingThisForMe -- good for you for 6 months! That's a fantastic achievement.
What I don't like about your friend's wife's comment is the implication that you shouldn't abstain if you're not an "alcoholic" -- and hey, you're not an "alcoholic" so you should be drinking. I know a number of people (admittedly a small minority) who never drank at all, and they don't drink because they don't like the effect and don't think one needs to be chemically affected to interact with others or get through the day. I'm really onboard with that now that I've stopped drinking myself (as of 3 weeks ago).
But besides that, the word "alcoholic" doesn't mean anything. From what I've read, there are different kinds of alcohol abuse and some just involve excessive drinking periodically and the negative physical and psychological problems that go with that, whereas another level is the physical / psychological dependence on alcohol that comes with sustained heavy drinking. My current issue is the former, but at the time I finished college 20 yrs ago I was drinking about 100 drinks a week and in the latter camp also.
Thus, is someone who holds down a solid job but gets hammered every weekend an alcoholic? That's almost a social definition, but the fact of the matter is that person is engaging in alcohol abuse that will create a range of problems if they continue it over the longer term. And I would say that anyone who regularly engages in more than moderate drinking has a problem they need to contend with if they want to avoid those problems.
What I don't like about your friend's wife's comment is the implication that you shouldn't abstain if you're not an "alcoholic" -- and hey, you're not an "alcoholic" so you should be drinking. I know a number of people (admittedly a small minority) who never drank at all, and they don't drink because they don't like the effect and don't think one needs to be chemically affected to interact with others or get through the day. I'm really onboard with that now that I've stopped drinking myself (as of 3 weeks ago).
But besides that, the word "alcoholic" doesn't mean anything. From what I've read, there are different kinds of alcohol abuse and some just involve excessive drinking periodically and the negative physical and psychological problems that go with that, whereas another level is the physical / psychological dependence on alcohol that comes with sustained heavy drinking. My current issue is the former, but at the time I finished college 20 yrs ago I was drinking about 100 drinks a week and in the latter camp also.
Thus, is someone who holds down a solid job but gets hammered every weekend an alcoholic? That's almost a social definition, but the fact of the matter is that person is engaging in alcohol abuse that will create a range of problems if they continue it over the longer term. And I would say that anyone who regularly engages in more than moderate drinking has a problem they need to contend with if they want to avoid those problems.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Sapling is right. It doesn't matter what people think as long as you get better. My gf had no idea I had a problem and you could have bowled her over when I came clean
She doesn't understand my problem but that isn't her problem. We alkies do loads to hide our boozing. I was like you and mainly a home drinker tho I could have my moment in public
Other people didn't believe it either and I had to stonewalled them and say. I don't drink I am alcoholic., infact I failed in my first attempt at sobriety becau I did not come clean enough.
What sapling was saying I think is it is your recovery don't let other knock you off the rails. The you are not an alcoholic brigade can be as dangerous as the hardened drinkers
She doesn't understand my problem but that isn't her problem. We alkies do loads to hide our boozing. I was like you and mainly a home drinker tho I could have my moment in public
Other people didn't believe it either and I had to stonewalled them and say. I don't drink I am alcoholic., infact I failed in my first attempt at sobriety becau I did not come clean enough.
What sapling was saying I think is it is your recovery don't let other knock you off the rails. The you are not an alcoholic brigade can be as dangerous as the hardened drinkers
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 41
Regarding friends/family, I've been finding that they don't usually notice or care much, which is what someone else here mentioned to me also. I told my mom last weekend and she understood b/c she knows the damage I caused to my marriage from binge drinking, but she also knows I'm a little fanatic about diet and exercise so abstaining from drinking dovetails with that too. You could just say you're into being healthy now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 143
Welcome!
6 months sober is a great accomplishment, good for you for recognizing how serious your drinking had become.
I think the most important thing is that YOU take it as seriously as you seem to be. When we abstain, folks have their own agenda for their comments back to us when we say, "no thanks". Everything from worry that we "might be" an alcoholic to worries that they themselves may be drinking too much!
You will definately find here at SR a wide range of people from all walks of life, and they definately get it.
Pam
6 months sober is a great accomplishment, good for you for recognizing how serious your drinking had become.
I think the most important thing is that YOU take it as seriously as you seem to be. When we abstain, folks have their own agenda for their comments back to us when we say, "no thanks". Everything from worry that we "might be" an alcoholic to worries that they themselves may be drinking too much!
You will definately find here at SR a wide range of people from all walks of life, and they definately get it.
Pam
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi and I'm glad you found us.
Congratulations on 6 months sober! That's a great accomplishment.
And, many of us come here because we seek support, we want to vent and we just want to be around others who understand. We do understand. It's not uncommon for friends/family to question you when you say you are stopping drinking. People are often afraid of change and when they see you changing in front of them, they may just feel uncomfortable and may even question their own drinking.
Congratulations on 6 months sober! That's a great accomplishment.
And, many of us come here because we seek support, we want to vent and we just want to be around others who understand. We do understand. It's not uncommon for friends/family to question you when you say you are stopping drinking. People are often afraid of change and when they see you changing in front of them, they may just feel uncomfortable and may even question their own drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Utica, NY
Posts: 7
Rory:
Thank you for the reply! And congrats to you as well! Yea admittedly she is a bit of a bitch anyhow when it comes to other peoples feelings but what are you going to do ha-ha. I agree there are several types of alcoholic and you and I share the negative effects and obsessive drinking. My issue mainly is there is the switch in my brain that doesn't turn off so the drinks kept coming. To quote a song by Blake Shelton titled "The more I drink" - If I have 1 I'll have 13. Sound familiar
I've found, being a person that has a stable job, that my work has improved and overall so has my life. I have a new sober girlfriend, some new friends and still have a lot of the old friends but don't really hang like we use to. The most important things in my life now are making it as good as it can be not how to get the most wasted to have a good time.
Keep up the good fight!
Thank you for the reply! And congrats to you as well! Yea admittedly she is a bit of a bitch anyhow when it comes to other peoples feelings but what are you going to do ha-ha. I agree there are several types of alcoholic and you and I share the negative effects and obsessive drinking. My issue mainly is there is the switch in my brain that doesn't turn off so the drinks kept coming. To quote a song by Blake Shelton titled "The more I drink" - If I have 1 I'll have 13. Sound familiar
I've found, being a person that has a stable job, that my work has improved and overall so has my life. I have a new sober girlfriend, some new friends and still have a lot of the old friends but don't really hang like we use to. The most important things in my life now are making it as good as it can be not how to get the most wasted to have a good time.
Keep up the good fight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Utica, NY
Posts: 7
Anna:
"People are often afraid of change and when they see you changing in front of them, they may just feel uncomfortable and may even question their own drinking."
Wow thank you what an eye opener, seriously. That just took my thoughts in a whole different direction, excellent point!
"People are often afraid of change and when they see you changing in front of them, they may just feel uncomfortable and may even question their own drinking."
Wow thank you what an eye opener, seriously. That just took my thoughts in a whole different direction, excellent point!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
First off, well done on 6 months! That's amazing. And it sounds like you've done that with not much support and with the usual misunderstandings of what you're going through. You should be really proud of yourself!
I'm only 2 and a half months sober but I really don't think I could have made it without this site. I think everyone else's comments (my favourite being..'isn't it just a matter of self control') would have made me convince myself that I could drink normally in a relatively short period of time.
I drank alone and no one knew I had a problem, mainly because I hid it but also because most people don't really pay much attention to how much other people drink, even the person who saw my recycling! I have told my family, who are supportive but were surprised and don't get it.
I agree with Rory...the notion that only alcoholics abstain is ridiculous. If I get any more stick from anyone else I will politely tell them that I stopped drinking for health reasons, which will be entirely true.
Glad you posted and welcome to SR xxx
I'm only 2 and a half months sober but I really don't think I could have made it without this site. I think everyone else's comments (my favourite being..'isn't it just a matter of self control') would have made me convince myself that I could drink normally in a relatively short period of time.
I drank alone and no one knew I had a problem, mainly because I hid it but also because most people don't really pay much attention to how much other people drink, even the person who saw my recycling! I have told my family, who are supportive but were surprised and don't get it.
I agree with Rory...the notion that only alcoholics abstain is ridiculous. If I get any more stick from anyone else I will politely tell them that I stopped drinking for health reasons, which will be entirely true.
Glad you posted and welcome to SR xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Utica, NY
Posts: 7
Thanks hypochondriac:
Congrats to you as well! I'll tell you I have had people ask me the same thing along the lines of, well can't you just have one or only a few? NO GOSH DARN IT I CAN'T! Trust me friend these last six months that has been the biggest part I have been fighting, trying to not listen to myself justify "I could just have one". I have been fighting that everytime I think about drinking so I'm there with you! Somehow we will make it through it right?
Congrats to you as well! I'll tell you I have had people ask me the same thing along the lines of, well can't you just have one or only a few? NO GOSH DARN IT I CAN'T! Trust me friend these last six months that has been the biggest part I have been fighting, trying to not listen to myself justify "I could just have one". I have been fighting that everytime I think about drinking so I'm there with you! Somehow we will make it through it right?
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
DTFM: Welcome to SR and congrats on 6 months! You've come to the right place for support and understanding. You are right. Those who don't walk our walk, or choose not to, don't understand. But that's okay. We do.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hey DTFM, yes I have heard the same sentiments from others when I quit....ranging from benign to ridiculous. The reality is, there will always be people who want to give their opinions. Another reality is that those opinions will not always match mine. When I did fertility treatments, others told me I was "playing God". Every time I get new ink, its "you will be sorry when you're old" (um I am old btw lol). 25 years ago when I went into education, there were comments like "don't do that! Teachers don't make any money" If I discuss the fact that I'm a non theist, then it's "you're going to hell". When I chose to quit on my own w/o a program I heard "you will never make it". My point in all this is...there are those in this world that will judge our choices. Some of those people will be ones that we love and trust. I do not take it personally, nor do I judge them in return. It would be nice to have validation from others, but is in no way necessary. I listen, I smile, and I strive on with diligence. Took me quite a while to come to that place...but the peace it brings is immeasurable.
Best to you and congrats on your new life as a non-drinker.
Best to you and congrats on your new life as a non-drinker.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
not only can i relate, check out my thread from a while back
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-friends.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-friends.html
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
