Deserto

Well, I am, but this has to be the last time.

Day 6 for me here. Had two years sober from 2001-2003. Fell back in, and it was fine for a while, though it caused its problems. I think it was about a year and a half ago that I crossed that invisible line, which for me was a stream flowing from a secret spring of vodka. Argh.

Things got out of control and I sobered up from October through December. Felt so good I figured I could manage this again! And soon enough I was back at it on a daily basis, slurping down vodka on the sly because it's so efficient, isn't it? And no one will notice, right?

Well, they did notice. And in the process I became so isolated and emotionally and intellectually messed up... and I just want to be normal again, like I felt at 60 days, when emotions were real and genuine instead of some vague shadow in the dark that you reach for only to find it's not really there.

I need to do whatever it takes this time, and really work the recovery. Apparently I haven't done that yet. But at the moment I'm just disgusted by alcohol and what it has done to me. Who knew it could f*** you up when you weren't drinking it?

eh1988

I hear ya on that. We are alcoholics, our minds try to fool us into believing we can control our drinking. We can't. I too have been there before, stopped drinking a while, then told myself I could drink on the weekends. Before I knew it I was back to drinking from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. You've got 2 years of sobriety in your past, remember that, you've done it before... You can and will do this again!