bayliss

I am not sure if it is be and the hangover talking but I feel like it's going to be harder this time to stay sober. Don't get me wrong, I want to and I have to so I am not going to drink but I am having some bad anxiety and what feels like depression. For whatever reason thinking "what is the point when I can't drink?" ...I hope that makes sense.

I'm not really depressed and don't want to die - but I just feel like life is going to suck, blablabla, a feeling of impending doom, blablabla, every ache and pain makes me paranoid and that stupid voice which didn't bother me for a good 3.5 weeks is there saying "if you drink you will feel normal again, it's all good".
UGH.
I hate this! This feeling is by far the worst I have felt in a long time.

Sapling

What are your plans to get sober and be happy Bayliss?

Ghostlight

Sorry you relapsed. What you're experiencing is the 'kindling' effect.
Each time you relapse, it gets harder to quit and the hangovers are worse. I imagine this is why some serious drinkers find it almost impossible to quit. The D.T.s set in and the one way out, besides seeing a doctor or rehab, is to continue to drink.

I, too, experienced this. Things just got worse and worse after every binge.
I hope you can stop before you experience the horrors of withdrawal that I did.

Best to you.

soberred

It is going to get harder each time you relapse bayliss.

Deserto

If you drink again, you're just going to continue the cycle -- it's an illusion that you'll feel better again, so ignore that AV.

You've learned a lot along the way, so it doesn't need to be harder. Again, that's your AV talking.

Don't beat yourself up -- just start again.

thesun

Just think you wont have to go through this again if you quit drinking now.

Best of luck with sobriety.

bayliss

Thanks everyone.

I do wonder if this is normal. This black cloud feeling that is sitting over my head?
I totally know this is the stupid AV voice. I went through this a few times, why am I so stupid and going back to drinking to feel miserable the next day!?
I know...it's alcoholism.

What am I going to do different this time? I am going to reread AVRT because that helped me a lot the first two weeks. And I am not going to pick up that drink the next time I go out. Actually, I am not going to go out next time where there is alcohol being served.
I am also going to come here more, check the chat rooms out and ask for opinions and keep everyone posted. When I quit drinking I disappeared and just did it myself. I need a little more support this time to make it work.

bayliss

And that is true.
I don't have to go through this horrible feeling again.
I simply just don't pick up again.
I quit smoking. I quit abusing prescription drugs. I can quit this.

Deserto

Good idea. I think you have to do something every day to reinforce sobriety, or complacency will set in.