One Day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
One Day
One day of being intentionally and not accidentally sober. I did it home alone, which is a huge trigger for me.
One day down. no idea what to do next. I guess sleep is the first thing.
One day down. no idea what to do next. I guess sleep is the first thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Thank you Dee for responding - I needed someone to know.
I feel so sad right now. I have some hard work ahead. Since I was last here years ago my life has been turned over and turned over again through circumstances out of my control. I survived but now I have a bigger and more complicated hole to fix. Today is a start.
I feel so sad right now. I have some hard work ahead. Since I was last here years ago my life has been turned over and turned over again through circumstances out of my control. I survived but now I have a bigger and more complicated hole to fix. Today is a start.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Originally Posted by Sapling 
You've been a member since 2008...Maybe it's time to try something different. Be careful detoxing.
My husband stopped drinking and asked me to do the same, to save money, because we are still recovering financially from his job loss and subsequent relocation across the country, where I have have no family/friend support but have made some good connections. This has been easy for him but for me it has been very difficult. I recently took a trip to visit family and ended up raiding their cabinets every night and don't feel good about it. Anyway thank you for the support. I feel good after declaring my intentions here last night. I don't feel able to make long term commitments so I really am focusing on just today. I'm looking forward to getting a therapist because I have really been trying to carry a lot all by myself and it's too much.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
He just said, "I'm not going to buy any more alcohol until we're completely back on our feet because it's not a necessity and it's a waste of money," and that was that. No struggle, no drama. He doesn't have any issues with it. :-/
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by Payton
He just said, "I'm not going to buy any more alcohol until we're completely back on our feet because it's not a necessity and it's a waste of money," and that was that. No struggle, no drama. He doesn't have any issues with it. :-/
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Originally Posted by Sapling
He's a better man than I...I couldn't do it like that...I'd find ways to get drunk when I was flat assed broke. Good for him. And good luck with your therapist...I can tell you it's nice to live without it.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
I feel really good and confident about TODAY. I know that today I will not be using any substances/behaviors.
It feels good to be partially free of agitation. That's what I'm most sick of - constant agitation - do I have a problem, how will I get more to drink, should I stop here, go there, how can I keep my husband from getting mad at me, is this hurting my body, etc etc etc. I just want to be free of that constant push-pull agitation. It's making me nuts.
You know when I was in recovery from bulimia I realized that there were foods I just could not have in my house, because I could never ever control myself around them. Mostly junk. I just stopped buying them and even avoided them in the store.
Aside from the alcohol, my diet is pristine (not restrictive) and I participate in regular cleansing programs, do all organics, work out regularly - people ask me for advice and trust me to talk to about their health goals and struggles. I feel like such a fraud sometimes to be drinking so much alcohol and struggling with this, while caring and talking so much about health and nutrition issues and trying to train for fitness competitions, etc. It is just ridiculous and one of my biggest frustrations is that it is just incongruous to the rest of my values and interests. I have heard a voice in my head saying, "you know you're gonna have to stop this." It's funny, it's easy to push that voice aside like it was foggy, from a dream or something.
Anyway I am all over the forums and I feel a sense of relief today. I am just refusing to think about "the rest of my life" and just thinking of today and that feels good.
It feels good to be partially free of agitation. That's what I'm most sick of - constant agitation - do I have a problem, how will I get more to drink, should I stop here, go there, how can I keep my husband from getting mad at me, is this hurting my body, etc etc etc. I just want to be free of that constant push-pull agitation. It's making me nuts.
You know when I was in recovery from bulimia I realized that there were foods I just could not have in my house, because I could never ever control myself around them. Mostly junk. I just stopped buying them and even avoided them in the store.
Aside from the alcohol, my diet is pristine (not restrictive) and I participate in regular cleansing programs, do all organics, work out regularly - people ask me for advice and trust me to talk to about their health goals and struggles. I feel like such a fraud sometimes to be drinking so much alcohol and struggling with this, while caring and talking so much about health and nutrition issues and trying to train for fitness competitions, etc. It is just ridiculous and one of my biggest frustrations is that it is just incongruous to the rest of my values and interests. I have heard a voice in my head saying, "you know you're gonna have to stop this." It's funny, it's easy to push that voice aside like it was foggy, from a dream or something.
Anyway I am all over the forums and I feel a sense of relief today. I am just refusing to think about "the rest of my life" and just thinking of today and that feels good.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Well done Payton for keeping at it and continuing the fight. You will be an inspiration to others who have relapsed, but have got back on track.
You have lots of support here and we're all rooting for you.
Keep posting xx
You have lots of support here and we're all rooting for you.
Keep posting xx
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