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A few questions from newbie

Old 05-16-2012, 12:31 PM
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Thank you all so much for the feedback so far. I am still trying to wrap my head around things. My mind is still a little foggy, I know this will get better.

I plan on taking time later tonight and responding after some more thoughts about what everyone is saying.

You all are my rock right now. Thank you for your insight and support.
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Old 05-16-2012, 02:20 PM
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I read in many posts "one day at a time". I am telling myself forever this time. Is this an odd thing to do or a wrong way of looking at it?
I've seen success with both approaches.

Many people seem to want to see it as an either/or...but my experience is I started off on a one day at a time basis - forever was too immense for my battered psyche to embrace - as it (& I) got stronger I knew I wanted to stay this way...forever

there's no right or wrong answer IMO

D
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Old 05-16-2012, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70 View Post
I read in many posts "one day at a time". I am telling myself forever this time. Is this an odd thing to do or a wrong way of looking at it? I never want alcohol to control my life again so I don't want to give it an opportunity to do it tomorrow.
Not odd at all...have you heard of AVRT? That recovery method doesn't actually recommend one day at a time. May be worth checking out...google Rational Recovery. There's a little crash course which may help you.

I've changed what I tell people day by day as I get more comfortable with quitting. This is something I've constantly stressed about but so far it turns out no one really cares The only people who ask me too many questions are other people who drink way too much and really I should just be honest with them.

Well done on 5 days! x
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Old 05-16-2012, 04:16 PM
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congrats on 5 days
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Old 05-16-2012, 07:22 PM
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You, for now have to concentrate on staying sober a day at a time, later you will have to come to live. Your life a day at a time as it says in the Bb. you will neither be fighting it or tempted. you will be in a place of neutrality, as for what to say to people I just say I'm allergic and grow two heads and its not very pleasant, so I don't drink, most people don't care tho. Good luck.keep the faith.
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Old 05-16-2012, 07:27 PM
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HRB,

If you have not already done so, it helped me to read The Big Book (AA) and I read up on AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). I'd suggest you research both as well as hanging out here with us at SR.

SR is an amazing support source, but I needed more support than that. Remember, alcoholism is cunning, baffling and very very patient. Best to arm yourself the best way you can when dealing with this. It can sneak up on you, and very often when things are going along really well in your life.

I'd post the links, but I still haven't figured out how to do that. Anyone?

You're doing great HRB ~ keep asking questions.

Big hugs to you
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Old 05-16-2012, 09:45 PM
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Well friends,
I just want to give you an update. Today I went to a movie and then met some friends for dinner. My partner was supportive and had iced tea. I had a diet coke. I told my friends that I was on a diet and no longer drinking alcohol. They did not push too hard. However they did drink.

I have had cravings like crazy from the time I got home. I decided to fight them head on so I went to the store to get food for my next few shifts at work. I looked at the alcohol on the shelves for a while and said “You have no control over me!” I went on shopping and got everything I needed and left what I didn’t (the alcohol). Maybe this was a stupid thing to do at a point where I am feeling a craving, but I wanted to prove something to myself.

Today I understand one day at a time. I actually understand one minute at a time in order that I meet the never again promise I made to myself.

Thank you all for making a difference in my life.
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Old 05-16-2012, 10:01 PM
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That's awesome HRB...
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Old 05-16-2012, 10:15 PM
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hi Rock,
I haven't told most of my friends about my abstinence from booze yet. I don't see them much, but I do play poker with some old friends a couple times a month. When I was drinking, I actually developed a stomach ulcer and while it is healed now, I tell my friends that I currently have the ulcer still and that I can't drink on doctor's orders. I said it once and they never offer a beer again. No one actually cares if I drink or not to be honest, but I don't need these people to know that i am an alcoholic.
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:22 PM
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Awesome, awesome, awesome job, HRB.
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Old 05-17-2012, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70 View Post
I looked at the alcohol on the shelves for a while and said “You have no control over me!” I went on shopping and got everything I needed and left what I didn’t (the alcohol).
Alcohol has never had control over me unless choose to put it in my system. Then I get all out of control because once I start drinking, I wont stop until I'm stupid passed out.
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Old 05-17-2012, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Zencat View Post
Alcohol has never had control over me unless choose to put it in my system. Then I get all out of control because once I start drinking, I wont stop until I'm stupid passed out.
I'd say that covers it pretty well.
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Old 05-17-2012, 04:40 PM
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Originally Posted by sapling
Don't you think if it was simply a matter of making a choice not to drink....None of us would be here?
Personally, I do think it is a choice. An easy choice? Not always in the beginning. Can it seem impossible? Sometimes, yes. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. As totfit said, people have been quitting in this way since the beginning of time.

I don't look at this in terms of "right" or "wrong". I look at it as "what thinking is helpful for me?". What gives me freedom and peace is quitting for good. Knowing that despair will come in life, tragedy, pain, beauty, joy, indifference...all of it will flow - without me drinking. Drinking is not an option. Ever. This is what allows me to breathe, to move through life more easily. Since this is my chosen paradigm, ODAAT becomes moot. It is my belief that the calmness that may result when thinking about about not drinking one day at time is really just my addiction smiling. Sure it will calm down and leave me alone...the door is slightly ajar, isn't it? With ODAAT thinking, I've placated it. It loves that. Leaving no room for future use may send it pitching a fit for a minute, but with consistency and no reinforcing, it soon wears itself out and resigns itself to the facts. Just as a screaming toddler does.

Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70
Also I am trying to figure out a way to let my friends know when we are out to dinner or over to someone's house I no longer drink. Maybe saying "I am on a diet and if I have one drink I end up drinking way too much and eating too much" if they push I can just say "seriously, I can't have any alcohol". I think everyone would respect that and they can infer what they like.
If they push? In my world anyone who continues to push, insist, cajole, or otherwise be obnoxious needs a lesson in manners and boundaries. I am happy to provide that if the need arises

Hang in there RB. It gets easier. It really does.
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Old 05-17-2012, 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
Personally, I do think it is a choice. An easy choice? Not always in the beginning. Can it seem impossible? Sometimes, yes. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. As totfit said, people have been quitting in this way since the beginning of time.

I don't look at this in terms of "right" or "wrong". I look at it as "what thinking is helpful for me?". What gives me freedom and peace is quitting for good. Knowing that despair will come in life, tragedy, pain, beauty, joy, indifference...all of it will flow - without me drinking. Drinking is not an option. Ever. This is what allows me to breathe, to move through life more easily. Since this is my chosen paradigm, ODAAT becomes moot. It is my belief that the calmness that may result when thinking about about not drinking one day at time is really just my addiction smiling. Sure it will calm down and leave me alone...the door is slightly ajar, isn't it? With ODAAT thinking, I've placated it. It loves that. Leaving no room for future use may send it pitching a fit for a minute, but with consistency and no reinforcing, it soon wears itself out and resigns itself to the facts. Just as a screaming toddler does.
ODAAT is what I used when I started in AA...I live one day at a time now...I don't not drink ODAAT...The obsession to drink for me has been lifted...I don't fight it...I don't think about it...If I have a thought at all about it...Other than being here...It's gone in seconds...It's not an issue for me any more. I worked the steps and what that book promises was delivered. I think I'll make a thread why I like AA.
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Old 05-18-2012, 01:43 AM
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
Leaving no room for future use may send it pitching a fit for a minute, but with consistency and no reinforcing, it soon wears itself out and resigns itself to the facts. Just as a screaming toddler.
Soberlicious, I love this. You make great points.

Another day down and feeling better, got home from work and checking in here. No cravings today. Work was great, more on top of my game. I am so glad I made this decision that life was worth living sober.
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Old 05-18-2012, 05:12 AM
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I have been reading through this thread and have found a lot of interesting talk. I had seen AVRT in many locations within this site without having a clue what it was until an earlier instruction in this thread to Google it (duh!). I did and found it really enlightening. I had never handled the "disease" theory as it was so easy to use as an excuse and seems so unlikely. I also couldn't hang onto the idea of inherited or genetic passage of the tendency as it is also a very easy excuse that took responsibility away from myself and also ignores learned behavior from living with abusers.

I found AVRT highly enlightening as it is what I already believe without being previously exposed to the site.

I am now on day 15 of recovering from an oxy habit and as I have felt SOOO much better about life and myself and how happy I was becoming without that awful stuff I kept asking myself why. Why would I give up such a wonderful life. Why would I choose to distance myself from the most wonderful person I could ever meet just to get high? The addictive voice fits nicely.

Another excuse?

In the end it is always a choice and it doesn't matter. Whatever you have to do/believe to get clean is alright by me.
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Old 05-18-2012, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by oxyfiend
I found AVRT highly enlightening as it is what I already believe without being previously exposed to the site.
Me too. AVRT grew from what self-recovered people have done for ages. I am not an "AVRT person" per se, but learned about it after I quit. My interest lies in the parallels that I see to Buddhist practices. Both are highly intrinsic, focus on self reliance, and speak to a sort of "leaning into" discomfort, rather than fighting.

Originally Posted by oxyfiend
In the end it is always a choice and it doesn't matter. Whatever you have to do/believe to get clean is alright by me.
Can I get an amen!!!

Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70
I am so glad I made this decision that life was worth living sober.
I am so happy for you. Walking free...there just are no words...
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Old 05-18-2012, 06:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Sapling
I worked the steps and what that book promises was delivered.
I love beautiful words. I collect them. The promises are beautiful. I've outlined in other posts why I love them. When I quit drinking and changed my life, those things happened for me too.
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Old 05-18-2012, 06:44 AM
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A key for my longterm sobriety was grasping that this was a decision for life. Before, I'd quit for a month a couple times, but always figured I'd prove to myself that I could quit "whenever I wanted" then resume drinking under control. Somewhere it clicked that there was no future for me with alcohol, and I needed to accept a life, and lifestyle, without it. Wish I had figured it out earlier, because 20 years of my life was built around accommodating drinking instead of accomplishing great things, but better late than never. I got sober at age 39. It's gotta click: I don't drink anymore, forever.

Given some points on this thread, I also feel a need to be honest about how other people will react to you no longer drinking. This of course varies from person to person, but here's my story. Me and my family definitely lost friends as a result of me no longer drinking. We had family friends who also drink too much, maybe even abuse alcohol, and they were clearly uncomfortable with me not drinking at multi-family parties and other get-togethers. In no way did I become preachy or even comment about their drinking or otherwise wear sobriety on my sleeve, I just politely passed when offered. A number of them, usually drink in hand, however brought the topic of me no longer drinking up with me frequently. In my opinion, concern about their own drinking made them feel uncomfortable around me, and three years later, we're persona non grata with these folks. Their absence doesn't bother me in the least, but I think it's been difficult for my wife at times. This ultimately was a consequence of my drinking, and though I absolutely wouldn't give up one day of my sobriety for a lifetime of commiserating with said folks, I think it would be disingenuous not to be honest about it.
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:30 AM
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To soberlicious - AMEN!
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