Back to Square One
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Republic of Ireland
Posts: 93
Back to Square One
Here I am again, back to square one. Slipped badly last night and getting totally fed up with it.
I feel fabulous when not drinking after a couple of days. Get back to normal living and then 'wham', a great big overwhelming urge to pick up.
It's getting more and more difficult to start getting sober over and over again.
Why the hell is this happening.
Then I start thinking well I may as well drink tonight as I have some in the house, and then tomorrow is payday so I can buy some, then I'm in work the day after with a lady who is hard work so I need a drink to relax me after that, then it's back to Friday night and so on and so on.
There always seems something to 'make' me drink.
I am an intelligent 54 year old female, so why does this not make sense anymore.
On other threads I have been reading I agree with folk that say they want to live a better life, a life of their own choice, alchohol takes that away.
I can't believe this is happening. I need to put my life in order but to be honest I'm frightened of drinking the last glass of wine, knowing it has to be the last. It sounds so stupid.
Why is it so difficult to say goodbye to it.
Also when I drink now it really knocks me sick, and my appetite haas gone completely.
Sorry to go on but as with other people recently, I feel as if I've hit rock bottom or nearly so.
Thanks for being here.
I feel fabulous when not drinking after a couple of days. Get back to normal living and then 'wham', a great big overwhelming urge to pick up.
It's getting more and more difficult to start getting sober over and over again.
Why the hell is this happening.
Then I start thinking well I may as well drink tonight as I have some in the house, and then tomorrow is payday so I can buy some, then I'm in work the day after with a lady who is hard work so I need a drink to relax me after that, then it's back to Friday night and so on and so on.
There always seems something to 'make' me drink.
I am an intelligent 54 year old female, so why does this not make sense anymore.
On other threads I have been reading I agree with folk that say they want to live a better life, a life of their own choice, alchohol takes that away.
I can't believe this is happening. I need to put my life in order but to be honest I'm frightened of drinking the last glass of wine, knowing it has to be the last. It sounds so stupid.
Why is it so difficult to say goodbye to it.
Also when I drink now it really knocks me sick, and my appetite haas gone completely.
Sorry to go on but as with other people recently, I feel as if I've hit rock bottom or nearly so.
Thanks for being here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
Sorry to hear you're struggling Bonnie - but I'm glad you're back 
Sometimes if we keep faltering in our commitment I think we need to ask ourselves the tough questions:
Whats your support like?
What are you actively doing for your recovery?
What do you think you can add to what you've been doing?
D
Sometimes if we keep faltering in our commitment I think we need to ask ourselves the tough questions:
Whats your support like?
What are you actively doing for your recovery?
What do you think you can add to what you've been doing?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
alcohol is cunning, baffling,powerful, patient, and deadly. without help it is too much for us.
it may be difficult for ya because of fear. fear of what life will be without it. personally i havent said goodbye. i havent sworn off either.i made a decision i would go to any lengths to get sober and stay sober. it was the biggest and best decision i ever made, but i couldnt do it ith my own thinkin.
( from 24 hrs a day)
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life.
The most important decision I ever made was my decision
to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life
depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the
world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything
I have, my whole life depends on that one thing. Can I afford
ever to forget this, even for one minute?
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now.
I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the
goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its
usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it
God cannot give me his power. I believe that this power
is a mighty power when used in the right way.
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is
necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power
in my life.
make the decision!!! you are worth it and a sober life rocks!!!
it may be difficult for ya because of fear. fear of what life will be without it. personally i havent said goodbye. i havent sworn off either.i made a decision i would go to any lengths to get sober and stay sober. it was the biggest and best decision i ever made, but i couldnt do it ith my own thinkin.
( from 24 hrs a day)
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life.
The most important decision I ever made was my decision
to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life
depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the
world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything
I have, my whole life depends on that one thing. Can I afford
ever to forget this, even for one minute?
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now.
I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the
goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its
usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it
God cannot give me his power. I believe that this power
is a mighty power when used in the right way.
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is
necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power
in my life.
make the decision!!! you are worth it and a sober life rocks!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Sounds like you are 'sick n tired of being sick n' tired'. Dive in the water is nice and take time to feel comfortable by listening at meetings, meeting new people & friends. Give yourself a chance & give yourself time & room to grow facing the sun, rather than the darkness alcohol casts upon you. You can do it if you WANT IT!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Bonnie try this link to find an AA meeting in Ireland.
Find a Meeting | Information on AA | Alcoholics Anonymous
It's not easy to walk through the door of your first meeting. I think you will be glad you did though. Tell people it's your first meeting. You don't need to say anything if you don't want to. Just listen. Take care.
Find a Meeting | Information on AA | Alcoholics Anonymous
It's not easy to walk through the door of your first meeting. I think you will be glad you did though. Tell people it's your first meeting. You don't need to say anything if you don't want to. Just listen. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You can change your life Bonnie...I changed mine...I just had to open up my mind...Take suggestions for a change...Do things I didn't want to do or even think would work. I'd been wrong all my life anyway....They were right....It worked.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Bonnie1 
I am an intelligent 54 year old female, so why does this not make sense anymore.
Surrender, or accept it can get a lot worse. Because it can and will if you don't quit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Bonnie,
Glad you are back. Sounds like you are trying to do this on your own and getting sick of failing. I will be sober one year at the end of the month, I really needed support to get this far which Imfound with AA and this forum and making sobriety number one in my life.
I am 58 and didn't think I could cope without alcohol to see me through my problems, my boredom and anxiety.
A year later I can see clearly that the alcohol was holding me back. I feel confident now that changes I make in my life are not reactions as in the past. I am not scared to make the changes.
Getting sober has been the best and most important thing I have done in my life.
You can do this Bonnie if you want it enough, get the support you need.
All the best
Love
CaiHong
Glad you are back. Sounds like you are trying to do this on your own and getting sick of failing. I will be sober one year at the end of the month, I really needed support to get this far which Imfound with AA and this forum and making sobriety number one in my life.
I am 58 and didn't think I could cope without alcohol to see me through my problems, my boredom and anxiety.
A year later I can see clearly that the alcohol was holding me back. I feel confident now that changes I make in my life are not reactions as in the past. I am not scared to make the changes.
Getting sober has been the best and most important thing I have done in my life.
You can do this Bonnie if you want it enough, get the support you need.
All the best
Love
CaiHong
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