Fightisover

For the past few years I have been trying to proove that I can drink and still manage my life as long as I take care of the obvious responsibilities then I am fine... On the outside I may appear fine but on the inside I am fighting the biggest fight of my life... It is always all or nothing with me because I don't know any in between.. I am tired of the hangovers. The lies. The creep that comes out in me when I drink. To be honest I don't know how to live sober.. My mind tells me that I can't, so why try... But today my decision is to over-rule my mind and end this fight... It won't be easy. But it can't get any worse...

Fenris

Welcome to SR, Fightisover. I've had the same kind of internal conversation that you're having, and honestly, my willpower alone was not enough to overcome my alcoholism. You'll find a lot of great support on this site, a lot of good people who truly care about you getting well, and a lot of people who've been where you are. I recommend that you look into some sort of program of recovery. Personally, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps have helped keep me sober for eight months, when there was a time that I never thought I could put more than a day or two of sobriety together. There's also SMART, Lifering, AVRT...we rarely get/stay sober on our own. Find something that works for you. Keep posting. Glad to have you here.

--Fenris.

HitRockBottom70

Welcome FIO, sounds like you are in the right place to make a change. Let today be the fist day of your new sober life. It won't be easy but as a team here we will support each other. I got the much needed suport from this site to make my stand yesterday. Your right it won't be easy but just remember your darkest point after drinking, think about that every time you think "I'll have just one". Best of luck!

Michael66

Welcome FIO - sounds like a new life is beginning for you. Well done!

BadendBiker

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life FIO
It's all uphill from here but it's worth it. Keep checking in even if it's just to read as it'll be a huge help to you. Plenty of good people here that are willing to help.

least

If you keep drinking it can get worse, much worse. I welcome you to the SR family and give good wishes in your sobriety.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Fightisover

I could have written your post myself a few months ago. I kept up appearances, some people didn't even know that I drank. But it was destroying me on the inside. Now I'm learning how to live sober and things have been getting better everyday from day 1. This isn't easy but you will get a lot of support here.

Fdm

You're not alone. You'll find love and support here free of charge and guilt. Welcome. Now go join the May class.

aasharon90

So many have proven to be able to stay
sober a day at a time for many yrs. with
a program of recovery incorperated in their
everyday life. Just like it has for me for
the past 21 yrs.

Yep, i began when family stepped in with
any intervention in 1990 where the authorities
came to escort me to the back seat of a
police car and taken to a rehab hospital
where I spent the first night in the "crazy
ward", fenced windows, outlets that
were filled in with plaster, but grateful
I had a room to myself after seeing many
sad lonely, disturbed patiants shuffling
across the floors and hugging the walls.

Because I tried to end my personal demons
with pills and alcohol at that time in my life,
my state of mind to my family caused alarm.

It was their care and concern of them that
I owe a debt of graditude for the quick action
they took to save my life.

I spent 28 days inpatiant with a 6 week outpatiant
program attached along with the tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism an a recovery program to begin
building a strong solid foundation to live my sober
life upon.

Today I continue on with my recovery journey
passing on all that knowledge that I freely learned
from other members traveling along the same
road of recovery beside me.

Never say never because as so many have learned
to stay sober including myself, it is possible to live
a happy, joyous, free, honest life for many one
days at a time to come.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Tippingpoint

Excellent first post Fightisover!

Welcome to SR. There is a lot of support for you here and some great ideas about how you can move forward with your new plan for sobriety.

First off, I will tell you that it can be done...each of us was just like you when we came here...some better off, some worse off, but everyone fed up with the daily grind of addiction and ready to make a change.

Do lots of reading and post whenever you have the inclination to do so. Ask questions too.

Good luck!

Pandora1

Welcome FIO to SR.

Dee74

welcome Fightisover

D

instant

My mind used to tell me things that turned out to be factually incorrect. I spent too many years listening. Life is so much easier free of the torment and struggle.

Despite my dire predictions life is so much easier sober and there is so much more depth and quality to the experience.

Just go for it until you get it right.

Hevyn

Hi Fightisover! I did the same thing - convinced myself there'd be no life without alcohol. Nothing would be fun ever again. I now realize I was a very boring person when I drank. I wasn't clever and sociable like I imagined I was. I could talk to someone for hours & not remember what we discussed. Spent precious holidays 'celebrating' and not have a single memory of what happened. That was bad enough - but then my behavior became dangerous & unpredictable. I got dui's - I drank all day, every day. I had to stop to save my life.

You can do it, too. After a lifetime of leaning on my 'friend', I'm now free. I'm finally maturing and figuring out just who I am, and what I want from life. I hope you will find the hope and encouragement here at SR that I always have. We care about you, and want to help.

CaiHong

welcome fights over,
I could not give up on my own, I needed support, in my case I had the support of AA and this forum. I think all of us can relate to what you are saying. I am so glad to be free of alcohol I will be sober one year at the end of the month and this will have been the most productive and year of my life like Heavyn I have matured a lot this year.

You can do this.

CaiHong

GerandTwine

Fightisover, I color coded your original post to distinguish between the two voices I see giving input to your problem. The older persistent voice is "my Mind" (as you put it) with IT's ideas in red, and the brand new ultimately dominant voice is the "my decision" voice with YOUR reasoning in green. This sort of self understanding - making a conscious distiction between these two voices in real time - can be very useful in making permanent abstinence easier, both at the beginning, and forever.

Read each color by itself and see the huge polarity of the internal conflict going on. This is absolutely commonplace in people who know they ought to quit, but don't. For years, I knew I ought to quit, but didn't, because I thought the challenge of managing all the bad things it caused were somehow worth it. I eventually came to see, as you have now done, that it is not worth it.

The AVRT method that uses this voice identification technique is detailed over on the Secular Connections forum of the SR website. Feel free to ask any questions, as there are some very successful real-time users of AVRT right here reading along with us.

I should add, AVRT stands for Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.

Soberween

I too felt like I was in the fight of my life. The problem was the bottle was always winning. Well, not anymore and it feels great!