Soberjanedoe

Just typing those words was the hardest thing for me to do. Hi, I'm 25 female and a compulsive binge drinker with no control over my habit. I always thought I was normal and just a regular 20 something out to have a good time then I noticed that I was always the one in the Facebook photos that looked the most wasted. I would wake up after a weekend session with black outs and horrible anxiety and depresssion. Every time I would tell myself this has to stop and next weekend I'll only have 1 or 2. Next week came around and I couldn't stop at 2, "just one more" I tell myself "you deserve it" then before I knew it I would wake up the next morning with hazy memories of the night.

I've had unprotected one night stands with boys who I don't remember their names or faces, I've said and done horrible things while drunk and embarrassed myself so bad 2 separate groups of friends no longer talk to me. My kidneys started to have issues and I was waking up with Edema after every weekend and it scared me enough to stop. I went 6 months without drinking with no dramas what so ever then "just one drink" turned into more and the cycle started again. I now feel the need for a drink to relax, a drink when I'm angry or sad basically I feel like before I can face any emotion I need a drink under my belt first.

I've always been to scared to admit I am an alcoholic because my Father was an Alcoholic and he is a Drug addict and my mum was a Drug Addict and my Aunt is an Alcoholic. Addiction runs in my family but I'm not like them. I don't need to drink every day but I just have no self control over how to say no.

Last night I had another shameful night, drank to much, offered myself to a guy and woke up this morning depressed and anxious. I've been a wreck today and researching alcoholism, sobriety and recovery online and I'm finaly ready to admit that I am an alcoholic.

My last drink was Friday the 11th of May and I'm determined it will be my last for good. Where do I go from here?

freshstart57

You made a great start already by posting here, JaneDoe. You will find experience, strength and hope out the yinyang here, and some really nice genuine folks too.

After reading this forum for a while, I found a lot of comfort by knowing that there was nothing special about me or about my drinking. To me, that also meant that I could learn from the folks who had shared their journey by posting. I suggest you do that too.

My first step in my journey was to make a plan for my continued drinking. Are you ready to make your plan? There has to be only one answer to that question, JaneDoe, all you have to do is say it.

Sapling

I said that when I was 25....Guess what?...I was just like them. And I did need to drink every day. Now would be the smart time to rid yourself of this misery...Don't wait for 25 more years to do something about it like I did. I sometimes wonder how I'm even alive. Welcome to SR...It's a good place.

Michael66

Hi there,

I'll leave it to the longer-sober than me to offer advice (I'm just over 3 weeks clean) - but I would like to really encourage you. I wish I had the sense to recognise the problem in my 20s. Well done! I hope you have a really good sober weekend. Don't beat yourself up - today is a new day with a fresh start for you.

Jeni26

Welcome to SR. This is a great place to be, we all understand. I too grew up in an alcoholic family and drinking was just a way of life for me. Unlike you I didn't accept the truth until drink had affected my health and state of mind to such an extent I was suicidal.
I'm turning my life around, and you can too. Keep posting and reading what others have to say.
We're all behind you x

2granddaughters

Welcome Jane !

I suggest you go to AA. I wish you the best in your recovery.

Bob R

aeo1313

My pattern of drinking was similar to yours. I could easily go through the week without drinking, but at any social function...watch out. Trust me...the drunken behavior gets way less cute as you become a 36 yo wife and mother. Drunken sex (outside your marriage) becomes way more horrible. Stop now. Save yourself now.

Soberjanedoe

Thank you so much for the welcomes and encouraging words everyone. The posts have made me teary.


Thank you for this post. I am ready to make a plan. How do I do it?

sugarbear1

try an AA meeting. you won't be alone, you'll be with people like us on this site and we will understand what you are going through. try searching aa and then where you live, look for the website with aa.org in it!

I wish you well!

Sapling

How do you do it?....I went to an AA meeting...That's what my rehab recommended and I had nothing to lose. I was willing to try anything and I knew this worked for many people...Why not me? I went in and listened...Liked what I heard. And for the first time in my life I was ready to take suggestions from people that had been sober for many years. It worked....And I haven't had a drink since that first meeting...Try going to one...What do you have to lose?

Sapling

If you want to get an idea what it's about.....Read the first 103 pages of this book. See if you see yourself in it. The promises they make in this book came true for me....And millions of others around the world. It's free and all you have to do is be willing to put in the effort. It will change your life.

The text of Alcoholics Anonymous

Taking5

Lots of Aussies on here. Maybe one of them lives close to you and can direct you to a good meeting. I'm sure they'll chime in soon. Welcome to SR.

Zencat

There are more that a few plans to choose from. An important thing to keep in mind is, no single treatment approach is effective for all persons with alcohol problems (Project MATCH). Below are some links to recovery programs that will get and keep you sober if you choose to work them.
You can make the changes you need to and having a recovery program that fits particular your needs will help with greater ease.

Violet01

Welcome Jane!

Congrats on your decision to get sober. My life sounds like it was very similar to yours, only I didn't start getting sober till I was 38. I have now been sober for just over 70 days and am still having kind of a rough time of it, but at least I am dealing with emotions other than guilt, shame, and remorse. I am married with 2 young children and things have not been easy at all since getting sober. I know they have the potential to get better though, whereas with alcohol the only way things could go was down. Hang in there, girl

scrambled2012

Hi Jane, and GREAT JOB VIOLET!!

Jane you have taken the first step. You have made the right decision about your own behavior, and are talking to the right people. Continue forwards~~~!

Fenris

Welcome to SR, JaneDoe. You've come to a place that has tons of support and good people who truly want you to get well. You really only have two options: you can continue to live your life the way you have been and watch it get progressively worse, or you can commit, truly commit, to changing. It took a lot of pain for me to get to a place where I was willing to change, but you don't have to wait that long. Coming here is a great first step. You admit you have a problem. For me, the solution was the support of my fellow alcoholics here in this forum and in AA. I changed (or, am changing) myself through the Twelve Steps as outlined in the Big Book. But there are plenty of options out there for us...all you have to do is want it enough.

--Fenris.

Dee74

Hi Jane

I'm another Aussie - there's a few of us here.

I didn't use AA or any other programme but SR itself has been really helpful in keeping me focused and accountable.

I found it much harder to entertain thoughts of drinking when I was reading and posting here all day.

Here some Aussie links - mostly counselling,. but you'll find links for AA, SMART Recovery (non 12 step) and DrugArm (Christian) programmes in there should you feel you need face to face support as well

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689

welcome aboard

Hevyn

Welcome Jane - Please accept my cyber hug. I know how you feel, how scary it is - how impossible it seems to deal with. Trust me, you can kick this stuff out of your life. I did it after a lifetime of behavior similar to yours. I was never able to have just one - my binges always ended in danger and misery.

Be glad that you're only 25 and getting it together now! I was twice your age and then some when I came to SR and found hope & encouragement. This is a great place with kind & non-judgmental people you can relate to. We're so glad you joined us!

Soberjanedoe

Thank you so much everyone. Thank you for links Dee74 and Zencat. I've found a local AA class I'm working up the courage to go to.

It's been 2 days since my last drink.

Sapling

We all have a little fear going to a first meeting. They address that on this site...It's a great overview of what to expect. Just go and listen....That's all you have to do.

Your First AA Meeting<