Someguy23

Hi, first time poster here, so this will be a little long. Apologies in advance.

I guess I always liked drinking a little too much. Most times when I drank, I'd get a slight buzz going and keep it. Every now and then, however, I'd feel like getting trashed at a party or while out at a bar.

When that was the case, I'd warn my friends in advance and proceed to make an idiot of myself with glee, though I was able to hold back from going too far.

About a year and half ago, I started drinking heavily. I was always more of a binge drinker than a daily drinker, but I started binging 2-3 times a week. In retrospect, I drank out of boredom. I'm a PhD student and my research wasn't going well, my day to day work (TAing) didn't require much effort and my love life oscillated between being non-serious or non-existant.

Many days I'd get up at 6:00 (I'm an early riser), waste time till 10:00-11:00, then realize I had nothing to do for the whole day. At that point, I'd think to myself "Screw it, I'll just get wasted", go to the grocery store, pick up a 12-pack (Beck's or Grolsch usually) and a few bags of chips (the super-greasy kettle-cooked ones) and just eat&drink till I'd fall asleep. Sometimes I went out to buy more when I ran out of either.

I tried drinking red wine for awhile, then hard liquor, but I always came back to beer and occasionally vodka. I just don't really like anything else.

I built up a pretty impressive resistance. I had always been able to handle quite a bit of booze, but it got to the point that I was able to drink a 12-pack and a 1L bottle of wine or a 750ml of vodka and remain conscious.

I also slowly started drinking more in social settings as well, and progressively losing control over how much I drank. I even had three blackouts, a novel experience for me. Two of them happened at parties and friends filled me in on what happened (and before you ask, yes, I did make an ass of myself).

One happened while alone after drinking a 750 of vodka in under two hours. No idea what happened, but I stole a swimcap from the Y... I do vaguely remember going swimming at some point after finishing the vodka...

I became worried, especially after tallying up my drinks for a few weeks and finding out I drank 30-40 beers (or equivalent in other alcohol) a week... Aside from which, I had started getting a lot of research results, publishing articles and giving talks, and I just didn't have time to waste 3/4 days a week on drinking and hangovers. That's when I started lurking on this forum.

I did two 'dry' months in August and September of last year. To be honest, not entirely dry, I allowed myself one shot of vodka at parties to help me relax and did allow myself to drink normally for my birthday.

I had no trouble doing this and keeping to the one shot rule. I went back to drinking in October and November, though not as much as I used to. I spent the holidays with my parents and noticed that I could drink a glass of wine or 2-3 beers with dinner and enjoy a slight buzz without wanting to drink more.

Around mid-February, I decided to try to put a cap on the booze. I settled on a 'soft' limit of 15 drinks a week (soft meaning I'm allowed to go 2-3 drinks over every now and then) and a hard limit of 6 drinks at once.

I was unsure if it would work since I'd tried moderating before (drinking only on weekends) and it lasted less than two weeks, but I figured it's better than nothing... and this time it actually kinda worked. In the interest of honesty, I did have two slip-ups in the first month, but nothing since. In fact, it's been getting easier and easier to stick to my limits and frequently finish week with less than 15 drinks now (had only 8 this week and not really planning to drink tomorrow). Of course, this is no guarantee it will always work (though to be fair, nothing is).

I will quit completely if I start binging again, however. That's not up for disscussion.

So why am I joining now? It's because I've recently moved. To make a long story short, I'm writing my thesis now and came for the summer to the NY area to be able to work with my advisor directly. I don't really have any friends over here, don't know any girls here and am terrible at meeting new people, so I'm looking at 4 months of boredom and loneliness... you guys probably see what I'm hinting at.

I can't help but be a little worried I might start drinking heavily again. I haven't felt like it yet, but I've only been here a week. I might change my tune after 2 months of talking mainly to myself. It would also be remarkably idiotic of me to do so now since I'm at a pretty crucial moment in whatever career I want to have in the future...

I was wondering if I could check in here every now and then, let you guys know how I'm doing? I know this is a strict abstention-oriented forum, but I couldn't find any active or friendly ones that weren't (aside from which, I'd already gotten into the habit of checking this forum every now and then). If it would be against forum rules for me to post here, let me know. At least I'll have gotten some stuff off my chest. Thanks for listening, I'll shut up now.

PaleMale

Welcome to New York City! And to SR!

Thanks for your story. A lot sounds familiar to me.

You've come to the right place for great sobriety, NY and SR! NY is hard to beat for finding AA meetings to suit your needs. Most the AA meetings are secular and inclusive with many atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, wiccan's, orthodox, eastern and the God-fearing as well.

Pick up a meeting book, which here, is thinker than any of the daily newspapers. You'll meet plenty of people of all kinds. Girls, too.

I hope you decide on sobriety, since NYC can be a hard place to bottom out in. All the best.

Dee74

Welcome aboard someguy

Yeah we're all pretty focused on abstinence here - but I can guarantee you we all tried everything else first....

If don't mind straight talking, you'll get a lot out of SR - it may not always be what you want to hear...but I think it will be worthwhile

I spent a lot of years setting limits...and then moving the goalposts on them so much they became meaningless, and eventually I just did away with the limits.

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life - I can guarantee you thesis work, TAing and drinking don't mix.

Why not aim to set your limits at the CDC US guidelines for moderate drinking?

D

Sapling

Why don't you just put your thoughts into quitting for good?...Anybody that puts as much effort and thought into alcohol as you do has a serious problem that only progresses.....What is it that you want to hold on to? Why don't you list five reasons you should work that hard to keep alcohol in your life?....I'd love to see that.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Some guy

I think everyone on here has tried to moderate so we probably know quite a bit about it. I actually managed to nearly half my consumption so I could carry on drinking for another 10 years. I did that to avoid black outs and making a general arse of myself. Completely successful, I never did either again. But years down the line I started getting anxiety problems that I never had before, health problems, panic attacks...

Anyway, I think a lot of people try to solve their problem by trying to figure out how they can keep drinking in their life, like life will be unbearable without it. I know I did. Even if you manage to control your drinking there are other problems it can cause.

If you are at a crucial time career wise could you maybe stop drinking for a year? That way you won't have to worry about it at all.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do x

jobei

Hello and welcome! I've never tried to "moderate" my drinking... it's ALWAYS been all or nothing for me... even in the beginning. Having 2-3 drinks has never had any appeal at all to me because it's just not enough to give me that euphoric feeling. That being said I cannot give you any advice on moderation... except that based on everyone I've read about and known in recovery it simply does not work. Maybe you can be the first to have success at it but it is a lot more likely that you can have success in joining those that have given it up... there are definately many people like that. Coming up with a plan definately will help a lot! Take care!

dawnrunner

Hello and welcome, and best wishes for a successful thesis writing experience!

Some things in your story sounded eerily familiar to me from my own life.

Here's a parable for you to consider:

Suppose you had a room-mate who was basically a fun guy, but prone to cause you trouble. He breaks things, takes your money, embarrasses you in front of your friends, and takes up a lot of your time with his sob stories. He disturbs your sleep, steals your food, and kicks your dog.

You try to make rules, and sub-rules, and renegotiate a living arrangement with this guy, but something always happens. You find that you are organizing your life around this guy's disruptions and bad behavior, narrowing your social focus, spending more time just dealing with this room-mate situation. Finally you can't get your work done, and it is affecting your health.

Would you not be tempted to kick him out altogether?

tomsteve

I was unsure if it would work since I'd tried moderating before (drinking only on weekends) and it lasted less than two weeks, but I figured it's better than nothing... and this time it actually kinda worked. In the interest of honesty, I did have two slip-ups in the first month, but nothing since


re read this. if you really know what honesty is, then you will see it didnt work at all. this sounds, to me, like rationalization. rationalization is giving an acceptable reason for unacceptable behavior, and unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.

regeneration

Hey someguy... one thing I'd advise, if you are still trying to moderate... I'd write down how much you drink when you do drink.

Only reason is that I tried cutting down for a while (I'd manage it for a couple of weeks then start again). I found it hard to deal with saying I should stop as I don't pick up a drink then continually drink but it doesn't agree with me unless I stick at one or two a couple of times a week (there is no way I could do that).

When I feel tempted now (after 7 weeks sobriety) I can really see when I look at my writings how much I did drink. I'd forgotten about when I'd drunk 3 bottles of wine 3 nights a week (with odd couple of glasses other nights). I'd kidded myself I rarely did that but I can see it in black and white, and it's a reminder that it doesn't agree with me.

Good luck, keep coming on here and figuring it out. I definitely feel so much better without it, it's really surprised me.

Weasel1966

Hey some guy. I am in the NYC area... In fact walking across the Brooklyn bridge this morning in a few.

You can be lonely in a city of millions. You can drink in the company of one. You can come here to share. Please do. It helps.

I am new to recovery and know that moderation is a fools game. Believe that's true. But.... I never listened to anyone till I proved it to myself. I hope your evidence to the need for sobriety does not result in pain but most times it does.

Best to you Sir.

Ken

Someguy23

Thanks for all the replies.

The 'Abstinence vs Moderation' can of worms is one I had no choice but to open, but which I'd prefer not to dig too deeply into.

The only thing I can say is that I know (in real life) people who have been in all cases.

I know people who had problems with alcohol when they were young (serious enough to cause health problems in one case) but managed to cut down enough for it not to affect their life anymore without having to stop completely.

I also know people who were unable to cut down no matter how hard they tried but were able to quit successfully.

I also know people (2) who died of cirrhosis after trying to quit repeatedly...

If you're wondering how come I know so many people with alcohol problems, I come from the country that ranks #8 in drinking per capita if you count unofficial consumption.

Ultimately, only time wil tell. I had some slip-ups at first but it's been working for the past two months. Of course, that doesn't mean much in the long run.

That's what I'm worried about too. I've been keeping a weekly log of how many beers I've had to be able to avoid that. Maybe I should start keeping the numbers for past weeks as well so I can more easily detect long-term trends.

I could give you an answer that we would both know is ********, but the truth is that I like having the option to get a bit wasted on occasion. If I start abusing it, it'll be an option I'll have to remove...

I have thought of lowering the weekly limit to 12/week.

Interesting. I'm 26 and haven't had any health problems or scares related to alcohol yet (aside from overeating when I'm drunk (I might write more on this at some point)), but...

Could you give me a bit more details on your case?

That's a very good analogy.

Lately, the worst my roommate has done is sabotage my efforts to get back in shape (the past 1.5 years have left me ~5kgs over my ideal weight). He's definitely on probation though.

Someguy23

Sorry for the double post, but I just remembered there was something I was meaning to ask and forgot about.

This is going to sound idiotic, but do you think it's possible to get a little addicted to those energy drinks? I've been drinking them like crazy lately, and they give me a slightly euphoric effect.

My heart isn't too enthusiastic about them though...

dawnrunner

This article states they can be addictive, and also outlines some other negative health effects of energy drinks:

LINK

hypochondriac

I'm 30 and I didn't have any health problems until I was about 27/8. And to be honest initially it wasn't obvious that they were related to my drinking. I had nerve problems, bad enough to be offered surgery, and I thought it was just from work, but a more then usually vigilant doctor related it to the alcohol abuse I'd tried to get help with a few years before.

I don't think you can get away from having no health problems from alcohol unless you drink under the recommended amounts.

For me the worst thing was the anxiety. I couldn't understand why things should get worse rather than better as I got older. It's amazing how many things I thought I'd just have to live with have cleared up since stopping drinking.

I hope you are well x

Someguy23

Thanks for the details, hypochondriac. I'd be more afraid of digestive problems personally since I had a sensitive stomach as a child. Never had anxiety problems (yet).

Had a panic attack once, but it wasn't alcohol-related. I stayed up all night studying and drank so many energy drinks as to get caffeine intoxication (720mg in two hours if I recall correctly).

Anyway, I've had an idea:

I've mentioned that I'm trying to get back into shape and that booze isn't helping because I overeat when I drink.

I have a cheat day in the diet I'm (sort of) trying to keep myself on, one day a week when I can eat all the junk food and take out I want without keeping track of calories.

Why not make it so I'm only allowed to drink on my cheat day, keeping of course the cap of 6 beers per diem in place?

It would help with the diet, would still allow me to drink socially and if I've genuinely managed to get my drinking under control, I shouldn't have a problem keeping myself to this rule.

If I can't do it, it'll give me something to think about...

I haven't made up my mind yet, but this idea is appealing to me. I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for the replies and the good wishes.

instant

Someday23

All this stuff is a lot of effort- in the end it drove me mad. There were so may times the rules, guidelines and regulations had to be redrawn.

I would also encourage you to factor into your plans that alcohol is addictive, so over time things change

hypochondriac

I had stomach problems too...but that was probably more smoking related.

The cheat day is a good idea. I've always liked the 80/20% rule. But I was never very good at balance, more all or nothing. At the moment my diet is 80% healthy food 20% chocolate...I'm not sure that's quite how it's supposed to work though. I have lost over half a stone even with the chocolate though so it can't be bad. Or just goes to show how much weight beer puts on.

Hope it goes well for you x

OCDDan

With all the different rules or plans on how you can drink, it must be classic something. (moving the goal posts?) anyways, i drank for 42 years, nobody could tell me to stop but i wish i would have. Everyone has to experience it for themselves. your definitly better off sober, but at 26 who would want to give up drinking?

Someguy23

I think I'll go forward with the cheat day idea.

Best thing about it is that it's very little extra work, the cheat day is part of the diet I want to be on anyway and respecting the limit I put is just a question of counting to six...

As I said before, if I can't do it or start craving a beer, it'll give me something to think about.

I hate to admit it, but there's a part of me that definitely agrees with you...

Dee74

I wish I had at 26, fwiw.

D