I just blew it.
 

Going on ten days, and the beast got the better of me. I guess it's back on the wagon tomorrow. Damn it.

sorry to hear that vajra.

I think no matter what method we're using, it's always useful to go back to the beginning - maybe think of things you can add or do better?

I really hope you can make this time your last time :)
D

Hi Vajra. I had many false starts before finally admitting I couldn't drink a drop. It was always back down into hell each time. As Dee said, maybe this is the last time. Hoping you will not have to go through that again.

Take care, there are always tomorrows and todays for fresh starts and don't discount the days you had.

Thank you all for your encouraging and supportive responses. They are much appreciated. This beast is a MF. Can't let it get ahead of you or it will always win.

I`m glad you`re back and posting.

Use this as an opportunity to learn and to move forward. :)

Bet that was10 days longer than you thought!
Hey let's get a bigger number this time.
Good luck.
John

Don't worry about "starting over". Just do it. You can you know. You recognize your Beast alot better than 11 days ago, I bet.

Have you read RR the book? Super interesting and remarkably helpful. I can't remember if you said you had or not...

Keep coming back here for support.

Pam

Those 10 days still count, Vajra - give yourself lots of TLC and a big hug for posting!:day6

Hi, Vajra.

Like the others said, those 10 days, and even the relapse, can be valuable if you learn from them. Glad you came right back here!

Did you get the book yet? Dig deeper. One of the big concepts is there is no battle between you and the addiction. Yes, it wants you to drink. But it is powerless to make you drink. Try an experiment: dare the beast to make you wiggle your little finger Just a little wiggle. Can it do it? Of course not. It has no actual power, no ability to defeat you. In the end, you are in control. Even the thought "the Beast is strong" is your AV. You do not need to debate it or defeat it—you simply need to be aware of all thoughts that nudge you toward drinking, including fears and doubts about your own abilities, and identify them as AV so you can disown them. When we drink, it's not because the AV won some argument. It's because we accepted the AV's message—"I want a drink"—as our own. It wants a drink. It needs a drink. You don't, ever. And if it couldn't make that finger wiggle, it certainly can't make you drink.

Read. Practice. Do the mental exercises. You can and will succeed, Vajra. :)

I'd indulge my beast, but I want a sober New Year's Day......

I "quit" every night for way too long. Glad you caught it now. Are you ready to stay stopped?

You can do this!!!!! :)

Learn form your mistakes and move on from it. Can't focus on the pass out.

Thank you all. I tried to fight it. It just got a hold of me. I feel so ashamed.

don't feel ashamed.
Addiction feeds on shame.

Use that energy to start again, and plan for a lasting victory Vajra :)

D

I want to die. Spare others my mistakes. Please help me....

Is this sober or drunk you talking?

Please don't give up on yourself. It's never too late to turn this whole thing around and have a new life.

You can live and teach others about your mistakes. Stick around here! Come join us in the chat room.

There's very few of us here who haven't faltered Vajra.

Like I said addiction feeds on shame and self reproach because those are the very kinds of things that make us drink again.

Draw a line under what happened & come back and join us - it was one hurdle, not the entire race :)

D

I have felt these feelings - awful, dark, lonely. If you are drinking, those feelings are real easy to stay fixed in. Can't get out and away from them until you put the bottle down.

Come back, talk to us sober, clear-headed. Get focused again. You really, really can and you ARE worth it. Come on back.

Pam