ReadyAndAble

Hey, what's that about? You've been taking some giant steps lately. You're actually trying to do something about it now. The folks I worry about are the folks who aren't here on SR.

You'll get there. And you'll be really grateful that you kept trying. Look to your positive thoughts; they're the ones that will guide you out.

Vajra

Yes I have gotten the book. It's how I quit years ago. For some reason my Beast got hold of me before I couldn't block it. I'm not giving up though.

Vajra

Tomorrow I hve to commit to The Big Plan. This day to day **** is not cutting it.

sissy07

You know how many people have felt the way you do after they relapsed? I would venture to say 95%. Get up, dust yourself, think about how to avoid it again, make your plan, and remember the pain and heartache you feel right now. Was it worth it?? No.

Leemzer

If it helps I can only stand myself now that it is day 9....I went for 29 days from March 26th of this year then messed up. So believe me, I know. But we never fail unless we give up trying. I refuse to give up. Join me!! Join us!! We struggle together, we triumph together!
lee

GerandTwine

Vajra, when you come out the other end after you stop drinking more alcohol, you will become yourself again. Then is the time to get back to deciding whether to quit for good or not. First, go over chapter 13 in RR:TNC, and spend a good bit of time on the Lapse/Relapse Reconstruction Spreadsheet. I would even write out the answers. That spreadsheet is extremely useful for a person in your position. If your answers aren't clear and obvious, then reread all of Part II, and then do the spreadsheet again.

If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask. Maybe your thread on the Big Plan at Secular Connections would be the place to take it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-big-plan.html

GT

TheRestorative

I blew it last night. Don't beat yourself up. I know its frustrating, but let's just start over. Tonight, I made a list of all the things I want to do now that I'm sober. Every goal and dream, big or small. Wrote them all down, and I plan to start tomorrow. I need some special help in the evenings, because that's when I want to drink. Make a plan and stick to it. Be proactive! I'm behind you all the way.

DayTrader

When I fail (at anything, almost), my first thought is to try HARDER next time. More willpower, more commitment, more effort, etc.

......what seems to work the best is trying "differently." ie, bringing in some new practices, changing things up, doing it differently. Sounds like it's time to bring in some changes......

instant

All we can do is learn and move forward.

brokensnowflake

Me too....40+ days down the frickin drain but you know what....KEEP TRYING! I've seen recovery WORK for people, for me....I just gotta get ahold of myself

Like they say in AA...keep coming back! For me, I hope it sinks in one of these days. Glad you are here!

DayTrader

I know what you're probably saying.......but I'd suggest a shift in the terminology.

I had to "force feed" myself a lot of AA's program. "Waiting for it to sink in" suggests (perhaps), the waiting for a lightning bolt moment - a time when it just "clicks." AA's steps are really more of a "go and get it" program of action.

brokensnowflake

Don't be ashamed....I totally know how you feel though! We just have an AV that for some reason just keeps us confused & going in our own hell....hugs for you! Let's beat this! I'm in!

brokensnowflake

DayTrader...I know you are sooooo right! I am just fighting this thing 100%....I don't want to be an alcoholic....I just don't....rationally, I see it working in people around me, I just want to be "the one" that didn't have to go through all this crap!

And I know....just the fact that i'm "fighting it" makes me...or makes me sound like...an alcoholic....boo

LoftyIdeals

You can do this, Vajra. The start is the hardest, and there are trials along the way, but its worth it in the end.

DayTrader

It's pretty common to fight accepting alcohol problems let alone alcoholism. For me, the hard part was admitting to myself that I'd let it get "this bad." Rather than accept that I AM, I tried to prove to myself that I wasn't.

My early AA meetings I recall hearing a lot of talk about SURRENDER and ACCEPTANCE. I didn't like either of those words. They seemed to be the battle cry of the weak....the "losers".....those who couldn't overcome their problems so they went down this path of the weaklings where they all clung to one another for support. I sure didn't like that option..... lol. My false ego and false pride had me convinced MY WAY was better.

There was NO denying though that there were at least a handful of folks at those meetings who said they had all the same issues as I did.....some much worse.......yet here they were smiling, calm, at peace. I wasn't so peaceful. Maybe, I thought, if I did this "AA thing" I could relax and get back to the way I used to be.....happy, goals and dreams, motivated?!

It (AA) didn't seem like it would work......and I sure didn't want to do it....but it seemed to keep popping up in my life so I took it as a "sign" and started to dive in.

As it started to "click" I realized how silly it was of me to do all that fighting. I was like a guy in a wheelchair pretending I wasn't....or a black guy thinking he's white (I'm a white guy...but the analogy stuck in my head). Once I started to admit what I AM, I was able to put together a plan to deal with it. Boy......did things start getting better!

You're welcome to fight it as much and as long as you want to. I don't RECOMMEND that.....but you can. I'll tell you what though, this side of alcoholism is a lot cooler than the other side was. That doesn't mean I didn't have fun drinking and partying....I did. It's just that now, I have fun a lot more often, most days are pretty cool, I'm FAR more at peace and there's a helluva lot less chaos in my life.

.....the same deal is on the table for you - if you're willing to accept it and put in some work.

Dexter41

Hi , I blew it too yesterday after 13 days. Went out for a meal with some friends that had been arranged before i gave up, started with a diet coke . Then it seemed a good idea to have 3 pints of peroni a bottle of Pinot and 2 very large g& ts . Thankfully I haven't felt too much of an urge to drink today so haven't. Give it another go, I am

ReadyAndAble

Glad you're back at it, Dexter. I found it really helpful to accept that there would be urges, and then to take that a step further, and to avoid labeling the urges as good or bad. I needed to be aware of them, but not to fear them. They're just feelings, they can't actually harm us or cause us physical pain, and they pass soon enough anyway. Sometimes I have visualized urges as bits of my addiction breaking off and floating away as the old habit unwinds. Eventually the urges get smaller and smaller, and arise less often, and the desire to drink basically exhausts itself.