Being accountable
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Being accountable
Hi everyone! I'm on Day 65 now and while the first two month seem to have flown by, this one is taking it's time and that's fine. I've had time to think a lot. I've slacked off on my meetings after my big trip to Alabama and this horrible cold but i'm going to try to make one tonight now that i don't feel so horrible from the coughing. One good thing about the cold is that it's knocked my cravings for beer down to nearl zero but now the crave is starting to creep back.
Something i learned around the one month mark of my sobriety has really stuck with me and is something i really wanted to share. When i last decided to quit, i knew i was/am an alcoholic. No question about it. As my one month date approched, i found myself rationalizing drinking. Surely if i could go a month without alcohol i had proven that i had the self control to moderate, right? A couple of beers and never hard liquor? That's the deal. And a big part of me believed it and i started making plans. I'm glad to say that those plans fell through because i knew that i could lie to my AAers, my SRers, my friends and my family but not myself. In my heart a change had happened that is making sobriety a real possibility for me. I have become accountable to myself. Crap. For the alcoholic, this is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen because it means that every excuse in the book no longer holds water because you see it for what it really is. Just another excuse. For the alcoholic in recovery, it is the road to salvation for when you begin to respect yourself enough to no longer believe your own lies you have nothing to hide behind. The walls have been torn down and you stand there defenseless. At first i wasn't very thrilled with the change but the new self respect i have found is very welcome indeed. I hope this helps some of y'all out there and remember that if i can do it, you can do it.
Something i learned around the one month mark of my sobriety has really stuck with me and is something i really wanted to share. When i last decided to quit, i knew i was/am an alcoholic. No question about it. As my one month date approched, i found myself rationalizing drinking. Surely if i could go a month without alcohol i had proven that i had the self control to moderate, right? A couple of beers and never hard liquor? That's the deal. And a big part of me believed it and i started making plans. I'm glad to say that those plans fell through because i knew that i could lie to my AAers, my SRers, my friends and my family but not myself. In my heart a change had happened that is making sobriety a real possibility for me. I have become accountable to myself. Crap. For the alcoholic, this is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen because it means that every excuse in the book no longer holds water because you see it for what it really is. Just another excuse. For the alcoholic in recovery, it is the road to salvation for when you begin to respect yourself enough to no longer believe your own lies you have nothing to hide behind. The walls have been torn down and you stand there defenseless. At first i wasn't very thrilled with the change but the new self respect i have found is very welcome indeed. I hope this helps some of y'all out there and remember that if i can do it, you can do it.
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Haha...thanks, Sapling! I'm also using it to motivate myself to get my butt in gear and get to a meeting tonight. I've been making excuses to not go and today i held the mirror to myself. Shame shame shame, lol. Get thee to AA i says!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
