So my husband told me this morning I need to stop drinking - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
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So my husband told me this morning I need to stop drinking


That was not fun to hear. Not at all. I feel like I have really reached rock bottom. And I feel terrible. I know I have to stop, I have known for a long time that my drinking was out of control. But having my husband come right and say it made me realize it has to stop today. Today!!

So today is my first day of being sober. I really hope I can get the support I need. My husband tells me just to stop, just don't buy anymore. But it is not that simple for me. He just doesn't get it.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, bulldawger! You will find all the support you could ever want right here. Hope you'll hang around and read a lot, especially the "stickie" posts at the top of this forum. There are many, many people here who have been where you are and have learned to live wonderful lives without alcohol.

Others will be along soon to welcome you and offer you support. You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself. Welcome to the start of your new and improved life!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bulldawger View Post
My husband tells me just to stop, just don't buy anymore. But it is not that simple for me. He just doesn't get it.
Your husband is probably not alcoholic. Telling an alcoholic to "just stop" is like telling a diabetic or cancer patient to "just stop".

Congrats on your decision to stop, you will find a lot of support here. Also, depending on how deep your bottom might be, you may want to consider seeing your doctor, the first 2 or 3 days of detoxing can be a nightmare.

AA helps too.

Zube
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi bulldawger.

I'm just 3 weeks sober, so I won't presume to offer advice, but I'd like to offer huge encouragement. Well done on facing up to, and accepting, what your husband had to say. I hope and pray that you'll look back on this day really positively.

Be blessed.

Michael
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
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For some people, just stopping is possible. I have known alcoholics who have white knuckled and been happy over the course of some time, and some who have required more assistance. I was one that required much... much more assistance unfortunately.

Whichever path you choose, we're all in it together. Coming here is a great first step, and the first step many of us chose, where you go from here, is your choice. Just know you're already headed in the right direction and it can only get better.

All the best!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for the welcomes and words of support. This is not the first time I have gotten up in the morning and vowed to stop drinking. Actually, I did it on Monday morning, too. And I made it until Thursday night. 4 days is about my average length of sobriety. Sometimes I can make it a week. Once I even made it for years! I did not drink when I was pregnant or when my kids were nursing. And I was able to do that with no problem. I had a reason not to drink.

But now I have realized that my kids are still a very good reason for me not to drink. You would think as someone who grew up with an alcoholic father I would have figured this out sooner.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I think we've all had MANY mornings of waking up and saying, "NEVER AGAIN!" You're not alone on that one.

Congratulations on taking the first step toward a sober life. I'm sure it was difficult to hear those words from your husband, but at least he loves you enough to be honest with you. It is very difficult for non-alcoholics to understand why we can't "just stop." I heard that many, many times (and this came from my alcoholic husband ... duh). If it were really that easy, there wouldn't be so many of us out there. I used to say the same thing to my alcoholic parents and really didn't "get" it myself until I was in the same boat and the boat was sinking fast.

You'll find much support here but I'd also recommend some type of program to help you ... AA, AVRT, SMART, etc. A program can help guide you and give you the tools you need to get and stay sober. Programs like AA can also give you face to face support, which can be enormously helpful.

Welcome!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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You're right, he doesn't get it, he wont get it. Luckily, your recovery isn't dependent on that at all! Glad you're here. I had that sort of ultimatum a few times myself. Really wished I would have made life changes the first time I realized enough was enough. You'll love it here!!

I also grew up in an alcoholic home. I swore I'd never 'be like that'. Ah well.

Welcome
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm by no means really worthy of giving advice, but something that always helped me after a relapse, or in initial sobriety, was to look at a clock.

As the seconds tick by I think to myself, is my frame of mind right, and am I doing anything to become the person that I have been before, can be, should be, or even an improvement on that person?

If the answer is no, then I will put things into perspective for a second and then do something so that I can say yes to those questions.

Can I cure cancer right this second? No, but I can ask my mate in the cubicle over from me how he is doing, or how his wife and kids are, or even just clean my desk. Just some kind of kindness or forward momentum in life.

I find that usually helps me quell the short term anxiety waves.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I vowed to quit every morning after I drank the night before. That happened daily for many years. I finally began a program of action. This is where my life began to change. I chose AA. The meetings helped me to find a sponsor who could guide me through the steps, where I found a complete change of perspective on me and life.

There is also AVRT, Rational Recovery, Women for Sobriety, addiction counselors, SMART, or create your own program. Support on SR is also helpful!

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Just the same as Flutter said - I grew up in an alcoholic home and vowed to never be like that. Hmm... And, yes, I wish I stopped when the first ultimatum came along.

I hope that you decide to live a sober life and make the changes you need to make to be able to recover.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR..
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:14 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:42 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Bulldawger. I'm an alcoholic wife to a sober husband. I'm fortunate in that he's willing to go to open AA meetings with me an participate in my recovery. Perhaps your hubby would be willing to attend open meetings with you as well? Mine won't go to Alanon alone but he'll do stuff with me because he likes being with me and knowing that i'm working on myself. Welcome to SR and i hope you find what you need here!
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:45 AM   #15 (permalink)
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My husband gave me a similar ultimatum. It was HE who got this sobriety ball rolling. And like your husband, he didn't "get it" either in the beginning, even though he said to me " I want my wife back." So, I gave me back to him AND my children......best decision I ever made. Easy? Nope.....Worth it? Yep! Good luck to you Bulldawger.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:25 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family! :ghug3 You'll find a lot of support here. It's helped me stay sober over two years now.
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Welcome. Congratulations on taking this step.
"my kids are still a very good reason for me not to drink"
Ugh! This comment makes me a little upset. What about you? Aren't you worth quitting over?
I heard a very interesting comment in group today, from a woman discussing the program as it relates to women. She said that women in particular needed to follow something a little opposite of the golden rule. She noted that it was important to "do unto yourself as you would do unto others." I think this might be a message for you to consider. I know your love for your husband and your kids is enormous, and I bet that if you needed to, you could probably just white-knuckle it to sobriety for their sake. Unless you do it for your own sake, though, you'll always be in danger of falling right back in at the slightest sign of trouble.
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
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With all due respect to dotherighthing.....I say I got sober for my kids and husband, and I stay sober for me. I started my journey not really thinking it was forever, but I made a promise to my family. Every time I thought " well...maybe it wouldn't hurt if I had one little glass of wine", I would conjure up the faces of my children seeing me in detox....a look That broke my heart. The further I got into my sobriety the better it felt, and the more I found I truly enjoyed it.....it feels great to be sober. So now I stay that way.....for myself. That is probably outside the realm of conventional wisdom, but it worked and is working for me!
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome, you will love SR! I am working on my 5 month of being sober, thanks to SR. I am female and I drank heavy for years. I believe my sober time is because I had the support of this wonderful site. Keep your chin up you have us here to offer support A non alcoholic does not understand how it is for us, hopefully your husband will educate himself and keep a open mind...Welcome again.
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:25 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family Bulldawger. It wouldn't have mattered who told me to quit, I couldn't have done it until I was ready. I lacked the courage to change for many years, and did a lot of damage as I tried to control the amounts I drank. I hope you feel ready to stop, since obviously it's making you miserable.

As DisplacedGRITS mentioned, meetings might help. I wonder if your husband would consider Al-Anon? That helps explain to the 'normies' what we go through. They can never completely get us, but it does help.
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