So my husband told me this morning I need to stop drinking
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well, your story is mine. My first day sober was when my husband (now my ex) delivered the ultimatum...it seemed like the worst thing in the world at the time, but now I'm glad it happened because it finally woke me up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
I told myself to "just stop" countless times. After some of my benders I would have passed a lie detector test the next day confirming that I meant I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.
What would normally happen is I'd be nervous, anxious, and scared of the world on my hangover day. The next day I'd be a little nauseous and tired. The third day I'd think "man, I feel so much better today than I did on Saturday". The fourth day would come and I'd say, "I've gotten a lot done this week since I haven't been drinking, a beer is starting to sound good, but remember, you quit and that's, that's".
By the fifth day I would start planning how, when, where, and how much I was going to drink. I can still recall how "orgasmic" that first drink was after a long time off. Butterflies in stomach, heart pounding, literally feeling the booze in the back of my neck before drinking... Then I'd take the first drink, then another, then off to the races. I'd usually follow that night up with another back to back, then wind up right where I was at the start of this response. Nervous, anxious, scared, and lets not forget ashamed, depressed, and humiliated...
People that are not alcoholic can not relate to that.
The point is, quitting is easy, it's staying quit is the hard part. That's where we come in. Keep posting and coming back. You can do this!
What would normally happen is I'd be nervous, anxious, and scared of the world on my hangover day. The next day I'd be a little nauseous and tired. The third day I'd think "man, I feel so much better today than I did on Saturday". The fourth day would come and I'd say, "I've gotten a lot done this week since I haven't been drinking, a beer is starting to sound good, but remember, you quit and that's, that's".
By the fifth day I would start planning how, when, where, and how much I was going to drink. I can still recall how "orgasmic" that first drink was after a long time off. Butterflies in stomach, heart pounding, literally feeling the booze in the back of my neck before drinking... Then I'd take the first drink, then another, then off to the races. I'd usually follow that night up with another back to back, then wind up right where I was at the start of this response. Nervous, anxious, scared, and lets not forget ashamed, depressed, and humiliated...
People that are not alcoholic can not relate to that.
The point is, quitting is easy, it's staying quit is the hard part. That's where we come in. Keep posting and coming back. You can do this!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
My husband has no idea how hard quitting has been for me, mainly because I didn't tell him, I just couldn't admit it. But what a relief it has been, and my family is very proud of me. Being sober is wonderful and I have SR to thank. Stick around and keep reading and posting, it will be a great help to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 12
ReggieWayne, get out of my head! You described what I go through perfectly. It is so incredibly wonderful to finally find people who really understand and get it! I know my husband doesn't get it, but I still wish he would understand that this is a huge problem for me that just doesnt go away because I want it to. I have had this problem since I was a teenager, I am now 42, so this is something I have struggled with for most of my life. Drinking is how I have always dealt with life, and now I have to find some new coping strategies.
Dotherightthing, I get what you are saying. But if it was not for my family, I would not have the motivation to stop drinking. Yesterday, both of my kids were talking about how strange i had been behaving the night before and were wondering what was wrong with me. This was obviously not the first time I had been drunk in front of them, but I don't usually get completely incoherent, maybe just slightly incoherent. But for some reason, thursdAy night I was completely smashed. Usually when I get that drunk, I pass out, and the kids just think I am tired and have gone to bed early. But on Thursday I stayed up and was muttering and doing who knows what. It freaked my kids out. I cannot do that to therm again. I just can't. It was hard enough for my husband to say something. But for my kids to be asking what was wrong with me and why was I acting so weird is intolerable.
My husband and I do not have a good marriage. My husband has some anger management issues, and is prone to fly off the handle, scream, yell, slam doors, and break things. It scares the hell out of my kids and i am their rock, the one thing who will keep order and calm. So it totally freaks them out if I am in a condition where I can't do that. So I really have to stop drinking for my kids. Yes, for me too, I get that I am important. But it is also my responsibility to provide a home where my kids feel secure.
Whew! Thanks again for all the welcomes. I am feeling much more hope now that I have found people who understand and are supportive .
Dotherightthing, I get what you are saying. But if it was not for my family, I would not have the motivation to stop drinking. Yesterday, both of my kids were talking about how strange i had been behaving the night before and were wondering what was wrong with me. This was obviously not the first time I had been drunk in front of them, but I don't usually get completely incoherent, maybe just slightly incoherent. But for some reason, thursdAy night I was completely smashed. Usually when I get that drunk, I pass out, and the kids just think I am tired and have gone to bed early. But on Thursday I stayed up and was muttering and doing who knows what. It freaked my kids out. I cannot do that to therm again. I just can't. It was hard enough for my husband to say something. But for my kids to be asking what was wrong with me and why was I acting so weird is intolerable.
My husband and I do not have a good marriage. My husband has some anger management issues, and is prone to fly off the handle, scream, yell, slam doors, and break things. It scares the hell out of my kids and i am their rock, the one thing who will keep order and calm. So it totally freaks them out if I am in a condition where I can't do that. So I really have to stop drinking for my kids. Yes, for me too, I get that I am important. But it is also my responsibility to provide a home where my kids feel secure.
Whew! Thanks again for all the welcomes. I am feeling much more hope now that I have found people who understand and are supportive .
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Bulldawger
My partner told me the same thing over a year ago. So I had to move out eventually because I just could not stop this binge.
I lived on my own for a year and drunk even more. Found this website and with so much support I managed to get to 103 sober days.
My partner told me the same thing over a year ago. So I had to move out eventually because I just could not stop this binge.
I lived on my own for a year and drunk even more. Found this website and with so much support I managed to get to 103 sober days.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Bulldawger - I'm sure you've heard that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I didn't realize what that meant until I experienced it for myself. You say you've struggled most of your life with your drinking issues. I had too, but the final few years that I drank were very destructive. I got dui's that I never had, said and did out-of-character things that I never had, jeopardized my job & all my relationships. I was totally out of control & 'circling the drain' as they say.
I know for me, I couldn't recover from my binges the way I always used to. Then I began drinking all the time, to cope with the hangovers, shakes, etc. Brilliant idea. I'm so glad you found us - I agree that it's very comforting to have company - people who truly understand. Not being alone to fight the beast made all the difference for me & calmed my anxiety way down.
I know for me, I couldn't recover from my binges the way I always used to. Then I began drinking all the time, to cope with the hangovers, shakes, etc. Brilliant idea. I'm so glad you found us - I agree that it's very comforting to have company - people who truly understand. Not being alone to fight the beast made all the difference for me & calmed my anxiety way down.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Just starting the journey
Posts: 12
My Husband told me this morning to stop drinking, as well. I have known for a long time that I have needed to. I quit for 2 weeks once and then thought I could control it, nope. Thanks for being here.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Just starting the journey
Posts: 12
My Husband Said the same Thing
My husband told me I needed to quit drinking this morning too. I have known for a long tim that I needed to. You would have thought I never would have started, my Dad is an alcoholic. I should have known better. Today will be my first day.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Originally Posted by Bulldawger 
I know my husband doesn't get it, but I still wish he would understand that this is a huge problem for me that just doesnt go away because I want it to.
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