walktheline1

Well here I am, I just turned 24 years old, and finally admitting that I'm an alcoholic. I've been successful, graduated college, have an amazing job, accomplished some amazing athletic feats, and have a stable loving girlfriend. But I've always drank. I know it will kill me one day no matter how successful I am, and I can't handle the anxiety anymore. So I've decided to make a life change.

So my story sounds like a lot of others. I started drinking and dipping in high school. I was popular, the best at everything, and had a charmed life. I never did drugs in high school, but all my friends did. I was the drinker. Most of them ended up on heroin. Some are dead, some are alive, I never touched the stuff and cut most of them off.

When I went to college I kept drinking. Freshmen and Sophomore year was sometimes once a week, sometimes 6 days a week. Sometimes moderate drinking, sometime binge drinking. I also ended up smoking marijuana almost daily. After 2 years of smoking and 3 of dipping, I put the stuff down and have never had any interest again.

Towards the end of my sophomore year, I drank a handle of Jager in Mexico. The next morning I felt a "shock" run from my brain down my spine. I then went into panic attacks. I spent the next 2 days experiencing DTs in Mexico. I saw stuff, heard stuff, had the shakes, vomited, sweated, and had miserable anxiety. Somehow I drove back from Mexico and made a promise to myself I would quit drinking. With no help besides a girlfriend I trusted, I quit. I stayed sober for a year.

My year hiatus of drinking left me ready to take on the world. I had an internship, got a new girl (who I'm still with), and passed all my classes. I was also ready to drink again. I took a year off, I could control it... Right? Wrong...

I'll save the gory details, but I went from drinking once a month for a while, to once a week, to twice a week, etc. etc. etc. Now I have to drink to sleep. I have to drink to avoid anxiety. I have to drink to stand most people. Sure, I can make it through the day. I never need a drink in the morning or the afternoon, but some point between getting off work and sleeping, I will have had between 200ml and 500ml of booze. And every other weekend I'd day drink and have 750ml+ between waking up and passing out. All this time, I go to the gym, do house work, keep in touch with relatives, maintain a steady job, etc. My drinking hasn't slowed me down or caused me to lose anything yet. It has however caused me to have constant anxiety in the evenings (and recently all day). I've been able to mitigate the anxiety though with booze, but it's too the point where I'm not enjoying it anymore. My life now revolves around alcohol to keep me from the anxiety.

After a plane ride that left me trashed on Friday at 8 AM (I have to drink to fly because of the anxiety), I decided I'd had enough. I tapered down with 2 shots on Saturday, 3 shots on Sunday, and 1 shot on Monday. So being Thursday evening, I've had 3 days of real sobriety.

Luckily I didn't get sick, shake, or go through the DTs this time. I am having a fair amount of anxiety though. It comes in waves, I'll feel like I'm on top of the world and dominating my alcoholism, then I'll get anxiety, then I get depressed, then it repeats. I have a good friend to help me cope, and I'm exercising and trying to keep busy. But the anxiety is killer.

Anyways, I can't remember how long the anxiety last. Can anyone share their experience with anxiety when they detoxed? Although I know it will, I need some more hope that this will go away with time.

Hopefully I'll get through this and never have any interest in alcohol again, just like I did with tobacco and marijuana. One way or the other, I have committed to never drinking again once I make it through this hell. Thanks all!

Dee74

Hi walktheline

I think anxiety varies with the individual - some of us suffer for quite a long time (I suffered for weeks) but others have shorter periods.

See your Dr if you're concerned, for sure.

One thing I think is common tho is the fact the anxiety gets worse as our drinking years pile up....and we've all discovered drinking to alleviate existing anxiety is a real trap....

I think you've made a good decision to be done with alcohol.

I think support and commitment are important. Hoping you won't have any further interest in alcohol is understandable but most of us find that doesn't happen that way.

I know you'll find a lot of support and good ideas here - welcome

D

Sapling

Welcome walktheline1...I used to think alcohol was what I needed for anxiety....It was like pouring gas on a fire to put it out....Yeah...Mine was way less when I quit drinking...It took a little time...My first couple months were a little up and down...But I evened out pretty well. You say you will commit to never drinking again....Isn't that what you did the first time?...You might want to look into some kind of recovery program....I use AA...It works for me....There are other ways...I was never good at keeping my word when it came to alcohol. Glad to have you here.

TheRestorative

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 8 days sober and my anxiety comes in waves, like yours. One moment I'll be fine, the next I'm feeling anxiety. I think you should give it some more time, for starters. If after a good span of time the anxiety still persists, see a doctor. I'm certain there are natural remedies out there, too. I hope things get better for you soon.

Zencat

Welcome to SR walktheline1.

I have an anxiety disorder so my experience with detox and anxiety is way off the norm...sorry cant help with any info.

A strong commitment backed with a recovery action plan is a good standard for making big lifestyle changes sans alcohol.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

least

Yes, it will get better with time. I can't say how long for you but it should get better. If it doesn't get better it might be a good idea to talk with your doctor.

Scolova

Thankfully, that horrible Impending Doom feeling is gone from my mind. I do have moments of disorientation\dizziness still, which cause a little anxiety, but those past quickly. (I'm at 7 months, but I've seen really good improvement since my second month.)

Jitterbugg

When I quit booze, my anxiety, like yours, came in waves. Late at night or early morning seemed to be the worst times. I still have trouble sleeping for more than a couple hours at a time and I rarely can lie down in a quiet bedroom. I need the TV on to distract my thoughts to fall asleep. Its much better now though, six months since my last drink. Just stay sober and everything will fall into place.

DisplacedGRITS

Hi walktheline. Welcome to SR. My detox attempts have included trips to rehab and visits with psychs who have addressed my mental conditions and disorders so i've been fortunate and had medication almost from the get go to deal with anxiety, depression and mania. I found that my bipolar disorder and later anxiety were what often led me me to the bottle no matter how hard i tried to stay away. Now through regular therapy and (the appropriate) better living through chemistry, i find life more managable and my alcohol cravings are something i can deal with on a day to day basis. If you haven't spoken with a professional regarding your anxiety, this may be a good time to do so. Whether it's caused by alcohol withdrawl or part of what leads you back to the bottle. Good luck and congrats on your new beginning.

Fenris

Welcome to SR walktheline. You said something in your post that caught my eye: "My drinking hasn't slowed me down or caused me to lose anything yet." and I just wanted to point out that the key word in that sentence is yet. It's great that you're putting the brakes on this now, instead of waiting another ten-twenty years.

My experience with anxiety after I quit drinking was pretty minimal -- a week or so of carrying around a cloud of impending doom. It sucked, but it passed. Hopefully yours will too, but everybody's different. See a doc if it doesn't. Glad you're here.

--Fenris.

Programmer27

My anxiety comes and goes with my drinking.

No drinking = manageable anxiety. The ability to face the problems I can change and accept/deal with the things I can't.

Drinking = immediate shame/regret... inability to accept the things I cannot change, and constantly thinking about them/the negative outcomes that could result.

hypochondriac

Alcohol caused my anxiety and it has got better since stopping. I'm sure yours will too but a trip to the doctor would probably be a very good idea especially considering your last withdrawal experience. I hope you decide to commit to lifelong sobriety and don't just hope the interest in drinking goes away...most people find that something like AA or AVRT helps with that.

Welcome to SR x

walktheline1

Well I'm on Day 4. It was better than Day 3. This will be my first Friday sober in 2 or 3 years. It's strange. I'm headed to the gym, then to shoot archery, then to have dinner with my parents. These are all pretty normal things for me on a Friday, but I won't be drinking coming 7 or 8 pm tonight.

I think the hardest part today has been the feeling that I'm missing something. I'm not sure if I'm missing the booze, or if I'm missing my girlfriend who lives in another state. But something feels like it's missing. I've never had a feeling like this. Add some anxiety and it's quite depressing. A few more weeks and I won't have to feel this again (assuming the feeling goes away)...

Thanks for the kind words all. And I am looking into a program that would be suit me best.

DisplacedGRITS

I still have that feeling like there's a hole in my life but it gets smaller and better. You'll find that it does get filled up with other things as time moves on.

walktheline1

Every night since I started to taper I've been waking up unsure where I am and going into small panic attacks in the confusion. Well, it's day 6 and I didn't wake up with any anxiety during the night!

Today's anxiety has been very mild and the sense of missing something is kinda tapering away. The boredom is the hardest to fight right now. I already have so many activities it's hard to add more to keep myself busy without burning myself out.

I guess it's time to re-learn how to fight boredom without the booze. One day at a time...

BobGT

I'm glad things are getting better for you, WTL1. Fighting boredom was tough for me too. Coming to the realization that I didn't really need to be actively entertained at all times helped me with my drinking to relieve boredom.

And like you said, one day at a time.

eJoshua

Treating anxiety with alcohol is like treating a headache by slamming your head against a wall. Congrats on 6 days.