What I know today about myself...
What I know today about myself...
For me one drink is not enough! Honestly I drink to get a really good buzz not a social few sips of 1 or 2 glass of wine.I would even look at my glass of wine when it was half empty and would be thinking about getting more even when my glass was not finished.
Another thing I know about myself is that I would always say just one or two drinks and then my judgement would go out the window or I figured what the heck I might as well finish the bottle or bottles cause why leave just a little or that I'm not drinking tomorrow,yea right!!!
I want more than anything to get it right this time cause I KNOW I cannot have even one drink or I am back on the road to hell that I have been on for so long.Other people can drink and leave it but that is not me so I better do something about it NOW not tomorrow.I have wasted so much of my life drinking and I deserve to have a life and not feel sick,guilty,lonely and like such a loser everyday.We have to look at ourselves honestly and figure it out,we just need to do it sooner than later.
:ghug3
Another thing I know about myself is that I would always say just one or two drinks and then my judgement would go out the window or I figured what the heck I might as well finish the bottle or bottles cause why leave just a little or that I'm not drinking tomorrow,yea right!!!
I want more than anything to get it right this time cause I KNOW I cannot have even one drink or I am back on the road to hell that I have been on for so long.Other people can drink and leave it but that is not me so I better do something about it NOW not tomorrow.I have wasted so much of my life drinking and I deserve to have a life and not feel sick,guilty,lonely and like such a loser everyday.We have to look at ourselves honestly and figure it out,we just need to do it sooner than later.
:ghug3
You're right, you do deserve better. I was recently in your situation and I've tried everything, the only solution for me is to NEVER have that first drink. You'll hear your addictive voice tell you that one is ok, you deserve it, you can control it, etc.....but if you're like me, the fact is that once you have that first sip, all your rational thought is out the window.
Don't take that first drink, fight back on your addictive voice and get the life you deserve
Don't take that first drink, fight back on your addictive voice and get the life you deserve
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 79
I could never understand how someone could have just 1 drink either. It made no sense to me. Why drink if you're not going to get completely plowed? And if I DID manage, for decorums sake to have just 1 I was MISERABLE - wanting another.
Of course I hardly ever managed to do that - and spent many years on the phone apologizing for what "I did" - having no idea what that could be - just to sort of find out - how bad WAS I last night?
I'm in AA again for the 3rd time in the last 2 years - and I'm in your boat - it HAS to work this time. But guess what? IT'S not gonna work - I'M the one who has to work IT.
Oy.
Of course I hardly ever managed to do that - and spent many years on the phone apologizing for what "I did" - having no idea what that could be - just to sort of find out - how bad WAS I last night?
I'm in AA again for the 3rd time in the last 2 years - and I'm in your boat - it HAS to work this time. But guess what? IT'S not gonna work - I'M the one who has to work IT.
Oy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I drank to feel the "click". There was a spot between the third and fourth shot where the world shifted laterally, ever so slightly, and I'd feel the "click".
And, if I could have stopped there, I might not have ended up in any of the dark places I went. I might not have the memories of the awful things I did. I know I'd be healthier and wealthier.
At that time, stopping at the click wasn't an option. Now, taking that first drink isn't an option. I know how the first drink will taste. It will taste like, "MORE!".
And, if I could have stopped there, I might not have ended up in any of the dark places I went. I might not have the memories of the awful things I did. I know I'd be healthier and wealthier.
At that time, stopping at the click wasn't an option. Now, taking that first drink isn't an option. I know how the first drink will taste. It will taste like, "MORE!".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 91
I feel the same way sugarbear. We just need to keep our chins up and stay sober and things will get lots better. And maybe. Someday we will see that we really do deserve all of that and more. I would like to be proud of the rest of my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: US
Posts: 55
badatbooze, "I would like to be proud of the rest of my life" - that is a moving sentence for me. Is that too much to ask of ourselves? To simply conduct myself in a way where I'm not ashamed of my life? We all owe ourselves that and deserve it, just by virtue of being human. Just need to make happen and keep it happening. That reinforces to me why I need stay sober. I owe it to myself. We all do.
I'm with you Cheeto. I now know I can't have just one. That way madness lies.
I'm with you Cheeto. I now know I can't have just one. That way madness lies.
This is why moderation never worked for me for any length of time. My capacity to develop cravings made it a nerve racking experience anyway.
I am now solid in my sobriety but I still see no value in social drinking and stopping at 1 or 2 !!
I am now solid in my sobriety but I still see no value in social drinking and stopping at 1 or 2 !!
ya say," we have to look at ourselves honestly and figure it out", but how is that done??? personally, i had to learn. my best thinking got me drunk. it wasnt gonna get me sober.
if the pain of getting drunk is greater than the pain of reality, then maybe the "you" part of we is ready and willing to learn how. humility is teachability and YOU have to put in the footwork, but it aint that bad iffen yer willing to learn.
yup, darn tootin right yer worth it!
if the pain of getting drunk is greater than the pain of reality, then maybe the "you" part of we is ready and willing to learn how. humility is teachability and YOU have to put in the footwork, but it aint that bad iffen yer willing to learn.
yup, darn tootin right yer worth it!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)