Do you hide from your labels?
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Do you hide from your labels?
I am in one of my strange moods today. Battling depression with being on my day three ( again ). But as I learn to maintain my sobriety I think a lot about things. Hope you do not mind my sharing.*
The point of this thread is to share those labels with the world that are particularly difficult for me to accept and own.*
Labels to me are self defining words that when shared can change ones perception of me. Sometimes labels are not something we put on ourselves but by others. My reconciliation of those labels is the challenge. I am learning if I do not accept my labels and own them then I will NEVER get better. That means exposing my underbelly to judgement and potential harm. I also hope it means love and acceptance. Some will some won't. That I already accepted.*
We all share a common list of benign labels.... Partner, husband, wife, brother, sister. Oh yes and friend, which thanks to Facebook has been made the most ultimate benign label.*
Here are two that go back and forth. Sober and alcoholic. I want to always keep them in the same sentence and in the right order... :-)
I am learning to accept my label of alcoholic and own it. Without that I cannot live the rest of my life. I am sad over that. Very.*
When people know your labels it instantly changes who you are to them. I used to think I cannot control that change. But I can influence it. I am Ken and I am an alcoholic. I can be a sober one that makes you learn to trust me. Rely on me. Love me without fear that I will disappoint you.*
I have three top labels that I need to accept. All are shameful to me.*
Alcoholic... Sober.... Gay.*
The last is a whole other topic and level of acceptance. Yet all change irrevocably people's perception of me.*
I spent a lot... A lot... Of energy hiding. My drinking... My person... And oddly enough my sobriety. Because if people know I am sober they also know I am a drunk.*
My promise to myself as I change my life for the better is to live honest to my labels. Freaks me out to have shared. But sharing means not hiding...
Ken
The point of this thread is to share those labels with the world that are particularly difficult for me to accept and own.*
Labels to me are self defining words that when shared can change ones perception of me. Sometimes labels are not something we put on ourselves but by others. My reconciliation of those labels is the challenge. I am learning if I do not accept my labels and own them then I will NEVER get better. That means exposing my underbelly to judgement and potential harm. I also hope it means love and acceptance. Some will some won't. That I already accepted.*
We all share a common list of benign labels.... Partner, husband, wife, brother, sister. Oh yes and friend, which thanks to Facebook has been made the most ultimate benign label.*
Here are two that go back and forth. Sober and alcoholic. I want to always keep them in the same sentence and in the right order... :-)
I am learning to accept my label of alcoholic and own it. Without that I cannot live the rest of my life. I am sad over that. Very.*
When people know your labels it instantly changes who you are to them. I used to think I cannot control that change. But I can influence it. I am Ken and I am an alcoholic. I can be a sober one that makes you learn to trust me. Rely on me. Love me without fear that I will disappoint you.*
I have three top labels that I need to accept. All are shameful to me.*
Alcoholic... Sober.... Gay.*
The last is a whole other topic and level of acceptance. Yet all change irrevocably people's perception of me.*
I spent a lot... A lot... Of energy hiding. My drinking... My person... And oddly enough my sobriety. Because if people know I am sober they also know I am a drunk.*
My promise to myself as I change my life for the better is to live honest to my labels. Freaks me out to have shared. But sharing means not hiding...
Ken
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
It hurts my heart that you are ashamed of all three. You should not be ashamed of anyone of them. You are human. In my eyes, a creation of God. He makes no mistakes. Drinking alcohol is a choice yes. But then it takes over. It changes our chemistry. It takes our will power. Stay on SR. A lot of love and acceptance here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
Sober...alcoholic...gay.
How about; Sane...healthy...free? Despite any labels I apply to myself, I'm ultimately a recipient of God's Grace and what he made me to be.
In my earliest sobriety, I had a lot of trouble with shame. I was ashamed that I had to tell people my secrets to start to get better. I was ashamed that the people I loved, and who had respected me, knew the degraded state I had placed myself in. I had trouble going to the grocery store because I felt like I was wearing a shirt that said, "Recently Rehabed Alcoholic. Children Should Stand Back 10 Feet."
Eventually, I was able tp apprehend the knowledge that nobody's opinion of me was any of my business and should have no impact on my life. I am sincerely trying to do my best, every day, and that's all I can expect from myself.
How about; Sane...healthy...free? Despite any labels I apply to myself, I'm ultimately a recipient of God's Grace and what he made me to be.
In my earliest sobriety, I had a lot of trouble with shame. I was ashamed that I had to tell people my secrets to start to get better. I was ashamed that the people I loved, and who had respected me, knew the degraded state I had placed myself in. I had trouble going to the grocery store because I felt like I was wearing a shirt that said, "Recently Rehabed Alcoholic. Children Should Stand Back 10 Feet."
Eventually, I was able tp apprehend the knowledge that nobody's opinion of me was any of my business and should have no impact on my life. I am sincerely trying to do my best, every day, and that's all I can expect from myself.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I can already see that my post seems negative. It is not really. I just needed to tell people how I felt. I have a lot of hope for my future. It is hard to rcooncile things with a head still polluted with drugs and drinking.
I apologize for the perceived negativity. I am learning to change my thoughts of myself.
I apologize for the perceived negativity. I am learning to change my thoughts of myself.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
This thread had really got me thinking...in my mind, I have very few labels (my name is one that feels authentic to me) all those other things are adjectives. They describe me, they don't define me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I accept you as you are, also.
I don't like to use labels either, and initially I was very ashamed of being an alcoholic. Now I see that it has changed my life in such an awesome way.
Remember alcoholism isn't a character defect. It's a disease.
I don't like to use labels either, and initially I was very ashamed of being an alcoholic. Now I see that it has changed my life in such an awesome way.
Remember alcoholism isn't a character defect. It's a disease.
New beginnings are the best!
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
I think that labels are okay if we're defining what we do, but when we start to label who we are, we're closing off the beautiful happening of change in our lives. You may be an alcoholic today, but that could all change tomorrow, so why are you holding on to a label? Defining moments in our lives do not last. As we all know, the tide comes in and then goes back out to sea. When one chapter finishes, another one begins. Be open to change, my friend. Don't define yourself by labels, especially labels that you feel others have put there. That is the saddest thing. Open yourself up to all that recovery has to offer you and stay on SR, and keep reading and sharing. I get the sense that you are labeling and closing yourself up, not anyone else. At the end of the day, how you feel and who you think you are is a result of your own thoughts--- not what anyone else may have said.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Labels are so restricting, but I had tons of them. The adhesive in them had me stuck in one place; afraid to move.
Expose that adhesive to the light, and the glue just disintegrates.
Putting down the booze is a step toward sunlight.
All my best...
Expose that adhesive to the light, and the glue just disintegrates.
Putting down the booze is a step toward sunlight.
All my best...
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
This post has brought me some real anxiety. True some labels will fall off over time. The most important one I mentioned will never. That's me.
It has perhaps fueled my drinking to a dizzying level.
I know I know accept yourself for who you are. I do I think. Yet there is some real fear in letting people in.
I cannot believe that you said " I am a normal person who used to drink"
I have always described myself as a regular guy who happens to be gay.
Eventually I will put in the back of mind mind my drinking. Think about it when I need to remember to stay sober. Be vigilant against being a drunk.
The other is not something I can escape. It is in my face everyday. Every moment. Every person who I meet. To know me is to know my label.
Imagine in order to be yourself you had to tell every person you met you are a drunk. To be honest so after time being friends the is no deciet.
This is getting off topic of alcohol. No need to be there but I needed to express the differences I should have seen before I put that out there.
Sorry. All over the map today. Deeply depressed and struggling.
It has perhaps fueled my drinking to a dizzying level.
I know I know accept yourself for who you are. I do I think. Yet there is some real fear in letting people in.
I cannot believe that you said " I am a normal person who used to drink"
I have always described myself as a regular guy who happens to be gay.
Eventually I will put in the back of mind mind my drinking. Think about it when I need to remember to stay sober. Be vigilant against being a drunk.
The other is not something I can escape. It is in my face everyday. Every moment. Every person who I meet. To know me is to know my label.
Imagine in order to be yourself you had to tell every person you met you are a drunk. To be honest so after time being friends the is no deciet.
This is getting off topic of alcohol. No need to be there but I needed to express the differences I should have seen before I put that out there.
Sorry. All over the map today. Deeply depressed and struggling.
New beginnings are the best!
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
Labels divide us. For example, when describing a person of color, you will often hear it said, "The black woman sitting over there...", but rarely will someone say, "the white woman sitting over there..", rather, "The woman sitting over there..." Same with sexual orientation. Being homosexual is a minority, in the same sense. Because it's not the majority, we single it out. Same with all other religions outside of Christianity. We separate what's not the norm. Learn to not make yourself so painfully distinct!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
Originally Posted by Threshold 
This thread had really got me thinking...in my mind, I have very few labels (my name is one that feels authentic to me) all those other things are adjectives. They describe me, they don't define me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
A while back I was posting on another forum within SR and I was highly criticized because I did not call my Fiancé an addict or a recovering addict as would be the closer match. What was wrong with me that I didn't accept those labels for him it was asked.*
Seriously?? *
To me he is just the man I love and he just happens to also be dealing with a past drug problem. *
But, I do think if it helps to use a label because it is beneficial in someones thought process then it's a good thing, but should be personal choice.*
Seriously?? *
To me he is just the man I love and he just happens to also be dealing with a past drug problem. *
But, I do think if it helps to use a label because it is beneficial in someones thought process then it's a good thing, but should be personal choice.*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 61
perhaps its only you who is worried about your supposed label, others that surround you probably don't give it such thought.
should it really be a label? I don't label myself heterosexual, why should you feel the need to label yourself gay. you're just you, try to relax and enjoy I say.
I'm an alcoholic but I'm not ashamed of it, I do want to keep it to myself though, as I feel people judge me because they don't understand, their problem, not mine.
should it really be a label? I don't label myself heterosexual, why should you feel the need to label yourself gay. you're just you, try to relax and enjoy I say.
I'm an alcoholic but I'm not ashamed of it, I do want to keep it to myself though, as I feel people judge me because they don't understand, their problem, not mine.
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