soberred

I work 3 12-14 hours shifts a week. I have been picking up one extra shift a week but now the census is down and they are canceling people. I have been having 3 day off in a row stretches. Because of booze (and BF) I have no friends. I have no hobbies as alcohol has robbed me of wanting to do anything. I can only clean my house and walk my dog so much. I am bored. Boredom is a deadly trigger. I can volunteer but I have this problem about leaving the house now. The fear of driving to the local liquor store is huge right now. Anyone having the same issues?

Gottalife

Can I ask are you an alcoholic, and is there anything you wouldn't do to stop drinking for good and all?

soberred

Yes I am an alcoholic. Relapsed several times. Did out pt therapy, tried AA. I was sober for 5 months then stupidity hit me and I drank on New Years Eve. I am now at 3 weeks again. I went to a psych dr yesterday and will be seeing an addiction, mental health counselor now. Get to the heart of why I started in the first place. I will do anything.

Sapling

When you stayed sober for 5 months in AA...Did you get a sponsor and start working the steps?

soberred

I just typed a 5 page book about why I do not go to AA. I deleted it because that was not the question you asked. To answer your question, no. My ex-sponsor was a flake.

Gottalife

It's a bit like 20 questions isn't it. Sapling and I are trying to work out if there is anything we have that could help you. I got sober in AA through the steps, good sponsorship and meetings and like you would have done anything to get what I saw in some of the AA folks.

I had to laugh when you mentioned stupidity. I would have to be one of the most stupid people ever to come to AA but I found stupidity is not a barrier to recovery. Also, it is not a character defect lol. By the time I got into this stupified state I had learned that self knowledge was absolutely no use in solving this problem. Knowing why might give me someone to blame but it would not get me sober. I just accepted the fact that an alcoholic is what I am, and I had travelled so far down the path that the only hope of recovery was through a spiritual experience. So I got on with the steps and recovered.

doggonecarl

If your problem won't impede your ability to leave the house for alcohol, it shouldn't be used to impede your recovery.

Boredom, I think, it the term we alcoholics use for the low level of anxiety we feel, like an itch, when we can't drink. Alcohol is the salve our addiction wants us to use to relieve that feeling. Alcohol was always there to fill whatever void. It filled out time. There are any number of things you can do. But you want to drink.


Don't. Be strong.

soberred

I don't mind the 20 questions. Gets me thinking.

Gottalife

Sounds like you might have got a different AA to the one I got. Other posters talk about this from time to time. It seems there is a "easier softer" type of AA where there are a few flaky sponsors, and the steps are regarded as optional, then there are others that work according to the original text in the Big Book. That's the one I got and they told me the truth of my situation, and helped me with every step of the program. It seems to be a good idea to search out these effective groups, and follow their suggestions. Your chances of success will be very good.

m1k3

If you don't like AA that's OK. Not everyone does. Check out the Secular Connections section here at SR. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/

If you are fighting boredom check out this thread. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

You can do anything you want except drink or use.

Stay strong.

soberred

Don't get me wrong, I do not want to drink. I do not have cravings. It is just fear of "What happens if?" It's the "ifs" that gets me. I have always been the type to try and prepare for something might happen. Like bringing a jacket somewhere when it's 90 degrees just in case it might be cold in the grocery store. Or packing 3 xtra outfits just in case my shirt rips, it rains and my cloths get wet, the restaurant is more casual or more dressy. Know what I mean?

soberred

I haven't given up totally on AA. As a matter of fact, I went back after this last huge binge. Dare I say that it was a very, very bad experience. I am sure it was because I am a bit younger then all of the old school people in the group. I am almost 45 so you can guess the age range. I thought it would be better as I tend to enjoy being around older people more. But.... I think I just need a bit more sober time before I venture out to another AA group. In the mean time, I am going to take as many group counseling classes and one to one with my counselor as I get can.

Gottalife

Good for you Sobered. Just try to keep an open mind, I guess that's the important thing. When I got sober in AA I was 22 and everyone looked old. Today is my 55th birthday, and now they all look young!

soberred

Happy birthday 7. Didn't you get the memo? 55 is the new 35. You're still a pup. Hope you have a wonderful blessed day.

Weasel1966

Soberred I have the same problem. I go to the grocery store a lot to get out of the house.... LOL. But I know not to take the first drink as that's not doing something either.

Your post rang true to me. Thanks.

2granddaughters

I have many AA friends with 25-45 yrs sober, I'm coming up on 23 yrs in July.

I had to fit into AA.. not make AA fit me. Wasn't easy and took a while.
I had to keep reminding myself that I am the problem, not AA.

All the best to everyone.

Bob R

stairs

Hi soberred,

The way I dealt with my issues with AA- which I totally despised for awhile- is by studying the literature, especially the book "Alcoholics Anonymous", and the history of AA.

This way I am clear on the message of the original founders and how the actual program works, and I feel prepared to deal with flakes or those whose behavior is inappropriate because these people are not truly representative of the program of AA.

The meetings are not necessarily the program.

I am finding success with it by dealing with AA in this manner.

Just thought I'd share that with you!

Sapling

I found out everything I needed to know is in this book...Everything. The first 103 pages tells me what I need to do to change my life....How I think about myself and others...How I treat myself and others. Change. It's all about change. The only thing AA promised me was if I don't drink I won't get drunk. The change part I had to be willing to do myself. Then I get a lot more promises. And they come true. Find someone that has done it right and have them guide you through it...If you end up with a flake...Find someone else. This program is there for anyone that wants it. It's a free gift...Grace....Some people take it...Some people don't. But it's there for anyone that is willing to do it. And it works. Look at the people on here with 10 years...20 years...30 years...I just left a meeting where a guy attends that celebrates 50 years in AA this year. That's what I'm talking about. Going from useless to useful....That's a gift. If that's not for you...Try something else.

sugarbear1

What if?

Drinking is NOT an option for me. I know you feel the same. It's not "what if" any more, it's okay, what is next? This means, well, my way didn't work out. Now what will? You have time to take a nice drive, I'd suggest getting a bit further away and try out another meeting. At least you will spend time NOT drinking and doing something proactive for yourself. Yeah, I'm another one of those "flakes" in AA, basically, we are all just different people trying to stay stopped from that vicious cycle of self-destruction.

Today, a different meeting, tomorrow, search about Women for Sobriety or SMART or AVRT or Rational Recovery. Keep searching for something you can work in your life when that counselor isn't available and you are alone......

Just an option for ya. Yoga class, meditation class, some hobby to replace the time you spent doing nothing but living in your head. Something must change now.

Love,