Trying to figure out if I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
Trying to figure out if I'm an alcoholic.
I know...If you have to ask the question...You know. It just sounds so sad.
I never drank until about three years ago. I'm 25, divorced two years. Single mom to a two year old. Full time college student, very involved with my school. Very involved with my child's school. I'm just very involved.
My problem is that I drink just under a pint of bacardi gold a night. There will be one or two days my body will tell me take a break- But the rest of the time, I sit on my porch, smoke ciggerettes, and drink from the bottle, chasing it with Diet coke.
I did the calculations...A pint of bacardi is about 1800 calories. That's more than I take in a day.
No one knows I have this issue. No one knows I smoke. I don't (ever) smoke in front of anyone. (Ever) I think that it's a disgusting habit and I hate it. I also don't drink unless I smoke. If I don't have a pack of ciggs, I won't drink. Simple as that.
I don't drink until I'm wasted. I drink until I get tired and go to sleep. And I NEVER drink around my kid. She goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 6:30. I've never blacked out, I don't vomit, I don't ever get stumbling drunk. Basically, I've never been to the point that I can't take care of myself and my kid if something happens. I just drink a lot.
It used to be that I could drink half a pint in a night and fall asleep easily. Now it's almost an entire pint. I can wake up at 6:30 without a headache or any signs of a hangover. Oftentimes in the morning after I drank I feel great-Energetic and ready to start the day with some coffee.
Lately, (the past few weeks, maybe months) I've noticed very slight shaking as I hold my hands over the keyboard to type. I can hold my hands steady, but if I raise my hands from the wrist which is balanced on the laptop, I feel very slight shaking. I also sometimes (rarely) get muscle cramps in my calves. (Dehydration?)
If I go out, I always drink, but I always stop drinking if I feel like I'm not OK to drive. I wait it out, and then go home. I never drink to the point where I couldn't drive myself home because who would take care of my kid? That scares me. Police scare me, and I'll admit, there were a few times that I was seeing double that I drove home, but that was before I had my daughter.
I guess I'm trying to figure out where I am. What I should do. Should I stop drinking all together? I think that's a little excessive, but it's just not that important to me. From what I'm learning once you get to the point of no return, you can never drink again. Am I there?
I never drink during the day, I always wait until after school, etc.
Anyway, That's all for now. It would be lovely if anyone had any advice at all.
I never drank until about three years ago. I'm 25, divorced two years. Single mom to a two year old. Full time college student, very involved with my school. Very involved with my child's school. I'm just very involved.
My problem is that I drink just under a pint of bacardi gold a night. There will be one or two days my body will tell me take a break- But the rest of the time, I sit on my porch, smoke ciggerettes, and drink from the bottle, chasing it with Diet coke.
I did the calculations...A pint of bacardi is about 1800 calories. That's more than I take in a day.
No one knows I have this issue. No one knows I smoke. I don't (ever) smoke in front of anyone. (Ever) I think that it's a disgusting habit and I hate it. I also don't drink unless I smoke. If I don't have a pack of ciggs, I won't drink. Simple as that.
I don't drink until I'm wasted. I drink until I get tired and go to sleep. And I NEVER drink around my kid. She goes to sleep at 7 and wakes up at 6:30. I've never blacked out, I don't vomit, I don't ever get stumbling drunk. Basically, I've never been to the point that I can't take care of myself and my kid if something happens. I just drink a lot.
It used to be that I could drink half a pint in a night and fall asleep easily. Now it's almost an entire pint. I can wake up at 6:30 without a headache or any signs of a hangover. Oftentimes in the morning after I drank I feel great-Energetic and ready to start the day with some coffee.
Lately, (the past few weeks, maybe months) I've noticed very slight shaking as I hold my hands over the keyboard to type. I can hold my hands steady, but if I raise my hands from the wrist which is balanced on the laptop, I feel very slight shaking. I also sometimes (rarely) get muscle cramps in my calves. (Dehydration?)
If I go out, I always drink, but I always stop drinking if I feel like I'm not OK to drive. I wait it out, and then go home. I never drink to the point where I couldn't drive myself home because who would take care of my kid? That scares me. Police scare me, and I'll admit, there were a few times that I was seeing double that I drove home, but that was before I had my daughter.
I guess I'm trying to figure out where I am. What I should do. Should I stop drinking all together? I think that's a little excessive, but it's just not that important to me. From what I'm learning once you get to the point of no return, you can never drink again. Am I there?
I never drink during the day, I always wait until after school, etc.
Anyway, That's all for now. It would be lovely if anyone had any advice at all.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Can you stop? How long have you gone without drinking? If your drinking concerns you then try cutting back to an amount that worries you less. Perhaps a couple of glasses two or three times a week. Maybe even a whole week without alcohol. Try not drinking next time you go out. If you find that it disturbs you, that may be your wake up call. The shaking hands is a definite sign of over indulgence. The amount you drink does sound excessive and you've definitely driven drunk at least in the past. Try the moderation test and see how that works out for you and be honest with yourself when you do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
Well, you're concerned. That's positive.
A pint a night, most every night, is a pretty troubling pattern. You're seeing some negative physical impacts and your tolerance is growing. You also gloss over the fact that you must be pretty impaired at night, when you're responsible for that baby. That's not a good thing.
You're a student. Does your school have a health services you could visit? Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic but they can help you through detox so you can make some informed decisions about your future.
Good luck.
A pint a night, most every night, is a pretty troubling pattern. You're seeing some negative physical impacts and your tolerance is growing. You also gloss over the fact that you must be pretty impaired at night, when you're responsible for that baby. That's not a good thing.
You're a student. Does your school have a health services you could visit? Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic but they can help you through detox so you can make some informed decisions about your future.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Check out how many times you said 'ever' 'never', or 'always' in your post. Those were words I told myself also, trying to convince myself I had everything under control. But those words will lie to you, Reaching. They got me in SO much trouble. Do yourself a gigantic favor and stop while you are ahead. You are so young and have your whole life in front of you. Don't blow it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
I found out I was an alcoholic when i wanted to go without and couldn't.
I think it's a beautiful thing when people get sober early. See if you can stop for a month. My husband can put it down and not think twice. It does not call his name.
If it is a problem, don't wait another 10 or 20 years. Don't take a chance on just how far down your bottom may be.
I think it's a beautiful thing when people get sober early. See if you can stop for a month. My husband can put it down and not think twice. It does not call his name.
If it is a problem, don't wait another 10 or 20 years. Don't take a chance on just how far down your bottom may be.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
First, Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Great, then quit smoking. Problem solved.
But if you find that your drinking problem doesn't go away, you may have to consider it's a growing dependence on alcohol. This forum is a great resource, I hope you avail yourself to it.
Originally Posted by ReachingOut25 
If I don't have a pack of ciggs, I won't drink. Simple as that.
But if you find that your drinking problem doesn't go away, you may have to consider it's a growing dependence on alcohol. This forum is a great resource, I hope you avail yourself to it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Hi,
What % alcohol is the pint that you're drinking?
I would never drive any vehicle after consuming an alcoholic drink under any circumstances and if you are then I would nip it in the bud and never do it again.
I wouldn't say a pint a night is a problem if the drink is 4% volume say....but if it is 40% then that is a different story.
Anyway,
I wish you well in your journey whatever decision you choose.
Bruno.
What % alcohol is the pint that you're drinking?
I would never drive any vehicle after consuming an alcoholic drink under any circumstances and if you are then I would nip it in the bud and never do it again.
I wouldn't say a pint a night is a problem if the drink is 4% volume say....but if it is 40% then that is a different story.
Anyway,
I wish you well in your journey whatever decision you choose.
Bruno.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: California
Posts: 34
Hello ReachingOut~
Your story sounds much like mine did 4 or so years ago. Alcoholism is progressive so it always starts somewhere. Like others have said, try going without for a week and obeserve your emotional and physical reaction to abstaining.
I was very careful early on to make sure I had all my ducks in a row. After a short bit of time, that began to go to the wayside but I was totally blindsided and didn't see it until after so much damage had been done. Then I continued on even harder and didn't give two hoots about being exposed. I too was very involved in my childs school activities and such. I lived a double life, was a closet smoker/drinker etc.. It worked for a while but eventually wore me down.
Now doing damage control on myself, not yet able to give 100 percent where it should be given. If only i could turn back time....if only.
I hope you find your answer sooner than later.
Your story sounds much like mine did 4 or so years ago. Alcoholism is progressive so it always starts somewhere. Like others have said, try going without for a week and obeserve your emotional and physical reaction to abstaining.
I was very careful early on to make sure I had all my ducks in a row. After a short bit of time, that began to go to the wayside but I was totally blindsided and didn't see it until after so much damage had been done. Then I continued on even harder and didn't give two hoots about being exposed. I too was very involved in my childs school activities and such. I lived a double life, was a closet smoker/drinker etc.. It worked for a while but eventually wore me down.
Now doing damage control on myself, not yet able to give 100 percent where it should be given. If only i could turn back time....if only.
I hope you find your answer sooner than later.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi ReachingOut,
I was kind of like you. I wasn't getting wasted but I was drinking almost every day and some days I drank more than I liked. No blackouts or hangovers but still...
For me it was simple. It didn't matter if I was an alcoholic or not. I was unhappy with my drinking and in particular the direction it was heading. So I quit.
It so much easier just to not drink then worry about when did I last drink, is this too soon, am I having too much and so on.
Or in your case, what if my child gets hurt or sick in the middle of the night, will I be sober enough to handle it?
The longer you wait the harder it will be to quit.
I was kind of like you. I wasn't getting wasted but I was drinking almost every day and some days I drank more than I liked. No blackouts or hangovers but still...
For me it was simple. It didn't matter if I was an alcoholic or not. I was unhappy with my drinking and in particular the direction it was heading. So I quit.
It so much easier just to not drink then worry about when did I last drink, is this too soon, am I having too much and so on.
Or in your case, what if my child gets hurt or sick in the middle of the night, will I be sober enough to handle it?
The longer you wait the harder it will be to quit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
Welcome to SR!
Sadly, alcoholics are very often the last ones to know they are alcoholic. We tend to surround ourselves with people who drink more and harder than us (not always possible!), or isolate so no one sees us drunk or to avoid being anxious in social situations, or we pick ridiculous examples of our ability to control, like that New Year's Eve 3 years ago when I didn't black out, which meant I'm not an alcoholic! Anyway we can to aid us in maintaining the veil of denial and justification of drinking.
One thing I realized in recovery that may or may not help, is that I drank to cope with stress, but after quitting, I realized I wasn't coping at all, just procrastinating, or trying to medicate myself and maintain an untenable mindset that was at odds with itself, confused and avoiding "life on life's terms."
Without alcohol, I actually have to address things directly, and timely, which I realize now is far more relaxing than trying to drink the thoughts and problems away or just avoiding things that are possibly getting worse. In a way, drinking is like not opening a bill, since a sick mind thinks if you don't open the bill, you don't have to pay it. That thinking can wind us up on the street or in dire-straights wondering how it all happened.
Good luck in your search, and I hope you decide to quit, alcoholic or not!
Warmest regards and welcome.
Sadly, alcoholics are very often the last ones to know they are alcoholic. We tend to surround ourselves with people who drink more and harder than us (not always possible!), or isolate so no one sees us drunk or to avoid being anxious in social situations, or we pick ridiculous examples of our ability to control, like that New Year's Eve 3 years ago when I didn't black out, which meant I'm not an alcoholic! Anyway we can to aid us in maintaining the veil of denial and justification of drinking.
One thing I realized in recovery that may or may not help, is that I drank to cope with stress, but after quitting, I realized I wasn't coping at all, just procrastinating, or trying to medicate myself and maintain an untenable mindset that was at odds with itself, confused and avoiding "life on life's terms."
Without alcohol, I actually have to address things directly, and timely, which I realize now is far more relaxing than trying to drink the thoughts and problems away or just avoiding things that are possibly getting worse. In a way, drinking is like not opening a bill, since a sick mind thinks if you don't open the bill, you don't have to pay it. That thinking can wind us up on the street or in dire-straights wondering how it all happened.
Good luck in your search, and I hope you decide to quit, alcoholic or not!
Warmest regards and welcome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Hey ReachingOut, glad you posted here. It sounds like you have some warning signs here that you're aware of which is a good thing. I thought I may have had an alcohol problem many years ago but never did anything about it. The increasing tolerance is not a good sign nor is drinking privately. I too had a huge connection with drinking/smoking and I had to quit both at once. If you are not sure if you want to quit completely it may be a good idea to quit for a short period of time just to get some perspective and maybe to help you stop smoking, that's always a good thing to do. If you just carry on drinking as you are then things will definitely get worse so you will need to make some changes. You're in the right place for support 
x
x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi and welcome ReachingOut25
Great advice here
Forget the A word for a minute.
Maybe it's best to cut it back to basics - are you happy doing what you're doing?
if not, maybe it's time to do something about it?
D
Great advice here
Forget the A word for a minute.
Maybe it's best to cut it back to basics - are you happy doing what you're doing?
if not, maybe it's time to do something about it?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not but just the fact you have searched out a recovery website and are concerned about your drinking raises some red flags..
Alcoholism is progressive.
See if you can quit for a month without blowing it.
If you are not an alcoholic it won't bother you one bit.
Normal people can take it or leave it, no problem.
If you find you can't do it...you have some choices to make.
The hand trembling is a warning sign of much worse things to come.
Alcoholism is progressive.
See if you can quit for a month without blowing it.
If you are not an alcoholic it won't bother you one bit.
Normal people can take it or leave it, no problem.
If you find you can't do it...you have some choices to make.
The hand trembling is a warning sign of much worse things to come.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
I've gone cold turkey several times and was fine. I just made a conscience decision today not to buy the alcohol. Like, tonight. I have some work due for finals at school, and wont have any alcohol. What is the moderation test?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
hey soberinna,
Yes, I'm sure my school does have some resources. They have a pretty decent student health center. It's a private woman's school, and a lot of the girls there have addiction issues with something or another. Very high stress environment.
I can't speak for the future, but up until now I have never slept through my child's whimper, or neglected to go to her at night if she wakes. But yes, I can see how this can progress, so I will definitely just probably go cold turkey for a week or so, and then maybe switch to wine and stick to a couple glasses a night. Maybe I can take my tolerance down that way.
Thank you!
Yes, I'm sure my school does have some resources. They have a pretty decent student health center. It's a private woman's school, and a lot of the girls there have addiction issues with something or another. Very high stress environment.
I can't speak for the future, but up until now I have never slept through my child's whimper, or neglected to go to her at night if she wakes. But yes, I can see how this can progress, so I will definitely just probably go cold turkey for a week or so, and then maybe switch to wine and stick to a couple glasses a night. Maybe I can take my tolerance down that way.
Thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
LDT,
You're absolutely right. I'm a pretty smart girl, and can feel that I'm reaching, rationalizing, trying to make it feel okay when it does NOT. I need to quit smoking, and drinking. It's funny because no one at all knows I have this issue. I'm attractive, active, energetic and passionate about life. And I feel this thing's aura around me and that's why I came here.
Thank you for the post
You're absolutely right. I'm a pretty smart girl, and can feel that I'm reaching, rationalizing, trying to make it feel okay when it does NOT. I need to quit smoking, and drinking. It's funny because no one at all knows I have this issue. I'm attractive, active, energetic and passionate about life. And I feel this thing's aura around me and that's why I came here.
Thank you for the post
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I've gone cold turkey several times and was fine.
I know you're not me - you're probably younger and fitter - but a pint of barcardi a night is pretty substantial for anyone.
Don't count on everything being ok, ReachingOut25 - please do think about seeing your Dr. - it's best to be safe
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
Hi Kari,
Thank you for the kind words. If I have alcohol in the house, depending on what I have to do that night, I'll drink it. I don't feel yet that I have to finish the bottle, but I do drink for a purpose, and that's to sleep. Sometimes, I'll wake up at 1 or 2 totally energetic and ready to start my day. I read that was the sugar metabolizing and giving me insomnia due to the spurt of energy. I do feel that I could get done so much more if I didn't drink. My daughter goes to sleep at 7, and imagine the things I Could accomplish in that time if I wasn't drinking. :/
Thank you for the kind words. If I have alcohol in the house, depending on what I have to do that night, I'll drink it. I don't feel yet that I have to finish the bottle, but I do drink for a purpose, and that's to sleep. Sometimes, I'll wake up at 1 or 2 totally energetic and ready to start my day. I read that was the sugar metabolizing and giving me insomnia due to the spurt of energy. I do feel that I could get done so much more if I didn't drink. My daughter goes to sleep at 7, and imagine the things I Could accomplish in that time if I wasn't drinking. :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 17
Doggonecarl,
Thanks for the post. Bacardi Gold is 40% alcohol. I think I'm more addicted to cigarettes than alcohol. I can easily not drink, but I usually closet smoke regardless of the alcohol or not. I feel like the cigarettes are doing more damage to me than the alcohol at this point. My chest feels heavy, I lose wind much easier, and i wake up feeling like a dragon is on my chest. I used to only do maybe a pack a week, now its a pack every two days. Writing this is making me realize its gotten out of control.
Thanks for the post. Bacardi Gold is 40% alcohol. I think I'm more addicted to cigarettes than alcohol. I can easily not drink, but I usually closet smoke regardless of the alcohol or not. I feel like the cigarettes are doing more damage to me than the alcohol at this point. My chest feels heavy, I lose wind much easier, and i wake up feeling like a dragon is on my chest. I used to only do maybe a pack a week, now its a pack every two days. Writing this is making me realize its gotten out of control.
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