I Admire You
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3
So...
Wow, being on this forum for some time has made me realize so many things about myself and my past.
In my initial post, I mentioned that I was a "problem drinker" in the past but didn't go much beyond that. Well, I feel like elucidating that a bit more... so can we consider this my newcomer post?
Anyway, I drank a bit for fun in high school; nothing extreme. In college, I was essentially drunk to slurring drunk 4-5 nights a week (7-8 drinks). Not blackout drunk, but drunk. And definitely a few "incidents" I am manifestly not proud of. While I was never physically dependent, I was pretty psychologically hooked. And in all, the experiences basically made college a total waste for me. I can't look back with any pride on those years. Painful.
After college, between 22-26, I'd say I was a 3 night a week (both weekend nights) 5-6 drinks a night drinker. Social smoker. 27-32, 1-2 nights a week, 5-6 drinks. 32-34, 1 night a week, 5 drinks. 34-36, one night every 2 weeks, 36-40, 1 night every month, 40-42, one night every 2 months.
For some, these amounts may seem relatively moderate, but pretty clearly there was an issue there.
What is simply amazing to me is that I never realized my depression and anxiety were the result of drinking! I am that effing obtuse sometimes. I thought my depression was a result of my social failures, my anxiety a result of worrying about dumb **** I'd done while drinking. I literally never realized that alcohol itself was causing these negative feelings. Amazing.
Anyway, in recent years, I've realized that even the 2-3 drink nights are enough to make me feel totally crappy for 2 days. And enough to cause enough anxiety and mild depression to last well into the week.
I think alcohol is actually underrated as a bad substance. I think even non-problem drinkers are impacted by as little as 2 drinks a night. I know my dad had one fairly stiff scotch after work every night and he admitted after 30 years that it was enough to make him feel like crap, sleep poorly, be grouchy, etc.
Anyway, I actually can do the proverbial 1-2 beers over dinner, with friends etc, and not be tempted to drink more. But I have very little desire to do so no. I feel infinitely happier, cooler, smarter, smoother sober. And I absolutely hate hangovers. Hatehatehate. NOTHING is worth a hangover to me.
Drinking cost me more than I realized til I came here and actually started thinking about. The drag it put on my life was enough to make relationships difficult (and rare), my career nowhere where it could be and so on. It really was more of an issue than I ever realized. Like living life with a 40 lb bag of wheat on my shoulder or something.
Well, I just felt like writing this. I continue to learn so much here. Hope you all are well!
In my initial post, I mentioned that I was a "problem drinker" in the past but didn't go much beyond that. Well, I feel like elucidating that a bit more... so can we consider this my newcomer post?
Anyway, I drank a bit for fun in high school; nothing extreme. In college, I was essentially drunk to slurring drunk 4-5 nights a week (7-8 drinks). Not blackout drunk, but drunk. And definitely a few "incidents" I am manifestly not proud of. While I was never physically dependent, I was pretty psychologically hooked. And in all, the experiences basically made college a total waste for me. I can't look back with any pride on those years. Painful.
After college, between 22-26, I'd say I was a 3 night a week (both weekend nights) 5-6 drinks a night drinker. Social smoker. 27-32, 1-2 nights a week, 5-6 drinks. 32-34, 1 night a week, 5 drinks. 34-36, one night every 2 weeks, 36-40, 1 night every month, 40-42, one night every 2 months.
For some, these amounts may seem relatively moderate, but pretty clearly there was an issue there.
What is simply amazing to me is that I never realized my depression and anxiety were the result of drinking! I am that effing obtuse sometimes. I thought my depression was a result of my social failures, my anxiety a result of worrying about dumb **** I'd done while drinking. I literally never realized that alcohol itself was causing these negative feelings. Amazing.
Anyway, in recent years, I've realized that even the 2-3 drink nights are enough to make me feel totally crappy for 2 days. And enough to cause enough anxiety and mild depression to last well into the week.
I think alcohol is actually underrated as a bad substance. I think even non-problem drinkers are impacted by as little as 2 drinks a night. I know my dad had one fairly stiff scotch after work every night and he admitted after 30 years that it was enough to make him feel like crap, sleep poorly, be grouchy, etc.
Anyway, I actually can do the proverbial 1-2 beers over dinner, with friends etc, and not be tempted to drink more. But I have very little desire to do so no. I feel infinitely happier, cooler, smarter, smoother sober. And I absolutely hate hangovers. Hatehatehate. NOTHING is worth a hangover to me.
Drinking cost me more than I realized til I came here and actually started thinking about. The drag it put on my life was enough to make relationships difficult (and rare), my career nowhere where it could be and so on. It really was more of an issue than I ever realized. Like living life with a 40 lb bag of wheat on my shoulder or something.
Well, I just felt like writing this. I continue to learn so much here. Hope you all are well!
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