Where we don't want to end up ...
 

I struggle on the weekends, to a point, as I'm sure many of us do. For me, it's usually boredom because my weekdays are pretty well filled with kid stuff and work. Weekends offer too much "down time," so if I ever have thoughts of drinking (which I don't anymore, thank God), that will be the time.

Today in my AA meeting, it was mentioned that "one of us" was in the hospital ... bound to a bed with restraints, and in one of "those rooms" with the lock on the "wrong" side of the door. This poor lady had tried to commit suicide a few days ago because she couldn't see a way out of the alcoholic life she had created for herself. Some of our members had gone to see her this morning and shared that experience at the meeting today.

As sad as that story was, it is not unusual. If we don't get sober, our options are limited ... jail, insanity, or death. It's that simple. We often like to hope that OUR story will be different ... that some day, some way, we will be able to drink like "normal" people, that we can "moderate," that we can find a way to still drink while maintaining family relationships, jobs, etc. But the reality paints a different picture.

I live in a small resort town here, and our local hospital only holds 6 detox beds. At any given time, they are all FULL. No doubt full of people who still hold out the hope, however unrealistic, that they can continue to drink without consequences. That used to be me, and I spent some time in one of those 6 beds. It wasn't pleasant but it did teach me that I will be there again unless I am rigorously honest with myself.

I am an alcoholic. I can't drink like most people. In fact, I can't drink at all. One drink, and I'm finished. So the only way to stay out of one of those 6 beds is to accept that I can never drink again ... and I have accepted that. Hearing this horrible story today drove that point home with a vengeance. Drinking, for me, equals death. Maybe not today or next week or next year ... but a dirt nap is inevitable if I ever go back to that way of life.

Just wanted to share this with you ... it was another wakeup call for me, and I hope it helps you on your journey too.

Thanx 4 putting this up. I am new 2 this. 2Day starts the rest of my life. I know that I can never drink again. I've been drinking for 23 yrs and I need support. I can't do it alone.

You've come the right place, Sylver. Glad you're here - you're among friends. :)

Sylver, why don't you start your own introductory thread? More people will see it and respond.:ghug3

it sounds crazy to some, but i needed to hear this. its a cunning,baffling, powerful, patient, and deadly disease. it may sound cruel, but i am glad she is strapped in a bed instead of someone else dead by her drunken actions. i forget sometimes that its the disease of alcoholism and not the person.
i recently( in the last 2 weeks) heard of a man that had been sober for 20+ years that went back out. i knew him and he had an excellent message. he went back out and was dead in 24 hours. another one went out and had killed a person 2 days into a return to drinking.
but there has been awesome news,too! a man that was there when i 1st got into recovery passed away with 47 years of sobriety! a woman i know celebrated 28 years of sobriety! another man with 10 years of sobriety and in his mid 40's bought his very 1st brand new car! and a young man in his teens walked in to a meeting desperate and willing to do whatever he has to do to stop drinking!!!

I'm so depressed. I'm angry at myself for letting things get so out of control. I'm usually a bit of a control freak, so imagine my surprise when I finally realized that I'm out of control & I needed help. Whoever reads this please write me. I really need some encouragement. This is my 1st day sober & I want more than anything to stay this way.

Drinking for me equals death, too.
That's what I had to accept to truly mean NEVER again.
Thanks for sharing.

Sylver,we've all been where you are. None of expected to end up in the shape we were. Stay here, read & post often. I lived on SR the first month of my sobriety. It's what kept me going. Lots of support & valuable insight.
Don't give up. You can turn your life around.

Hey Sylver36....Don't get angry at yourself...I lost all control too...I didn't think I could get it back. It's good that you realised this now and you're taking action by coming here...That's good. You can get that control back...Just don't drink today. Or tonight. Are you OK with stopping this on your own? Do you need to talk with a doctor?

Thank you for this post desert. It really hit me hard. I was one of the ones putting those restraints on those poor lost souls. Watching them hallucinate, having seizures, rolling them on their sides so they didn't choke in their own vomit. Pushing the ativan praying that it will give them some relief. Watching as their families sit at the bedside crying, worried, embarrassed. And then, I started drinking again after 10 years. I never had the restraints but I was in a detox bed. Hoping like hell it wasn't the end for me. Go figure. I should have known better. But alcohol is cunning, baffling.

Thank you for this post. For a while now I occasionally would think, "When is this going to tone down, and when will I be a normal drinker?" Truthfully, I don't see that happening, and oddly enough I don't think I even want that, even if it were possible. Alcohol is poison. Controlled or not, it's no good. So that brings comfort to know that it's not something I have to feel ashamed about (not ever being a normal drinker).

I can't help but think that if you're sober for so many years and then you go and give alcohol another chance --- you're just setting yourself up to fail again? Maybe it's not the case with others, but to me alcohol tastes disgusting. I've adapted to certain things here and there, but ultimately, it's gross. You cannot say vodka is oh so yummy. cmon. I drank so much of it because of the feeling it gave me, not because I enjoy the taste. So we have "normal drinkers" who have a glass of wine, maybe giggle and little, and then go home fine. no problem. Where was their cut off? Why didn't they need that second glass? Something in them is content, okay, ...... the wine wasn't there to fill a void. It was just there to be there. Or was it?

Sorry to get off topic (I do this a lot), but I just really want to get down to the last hairy, psychological drop of why we drink???????