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Do i need to be here...

Old 05-06-2012, 01:49 AM
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Do i need to be here...

Hi all...

Gosh I don't even know why I'm on this site, ok no thats a lie, I do.. I'm just unsure if I really need to be here..

Maybe I'll let you guys decide?

I'm in my 30's and have one young child. I'm married to a wonderful husband.. I've always liked to drink, I'm EPICALLY shy and have always used a drink to ease me into social situations.. I was a chronic binge drinker pre children, I could and would often drink all day and pass out when I lived by myself. I didn't see anything wrong with it, I was young and having fun right??

Fast forward to getting pregnant and I didn't drink for 2 years, my binging days were over... Or so I thought... Lately I have found myself craving a drink but the problem is I never stop at 1... I intend to only have 1 but after that one I go buy a whole heap more...

I even hide empty bottles in my cupboard and refill my glass with secret hidden drinks, so it looks like I'm only drinking one drink..

Every time I do it which is only about once a month these days when my daughter is with grandparents, I feel so guilty the next day.. In fact I can't even have a sip of alcohol without feeling guilty...I dont do anything sill, i haven't caused relationship issues, harm to myself or my child - the only issue is i hide how much im drinking and feel terribly guilty the next day

What's my problem ?? What the hell is wrong with me, is this classed as an alcoholic?

Do you think I need to give it up completely or learn to stop after a few??

So confused
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Beerbottles View Post
What's my problem ?? What the hell is wrong with me, is this classed as an alcoholic?

Do you think I need to give it up completely or learn to stop after a few??

So confused
Welcome Beerbottles...First off....I'm an alcoholic. I had to admit that to myself. Nobody can do that for me. My problem...I couldn't control when I started...And once I did start...I couldn't control when I stopped. I did the whole thing...Lied about it...Hid it....Was consumed by it. I do know that it is progressive...And it took me over without me knowing it. I can't have one drink without having 15. So stopping after a few was not possible for me. I had to give it up for good. Are you an alcoholic or not?...I couldn't tell you. This a great site for support....Read...Think...Ask questions. Some good people here. Glad you are here.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:20 AM
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If you are alcoholic, you are suffering from a progressive illness which, over any considerable period gets worse, never better.

If you have crossed that line there is no return, you can never drink safely again. Hiding bottles and so forth is not the sign of a normal drinker.

So first you have to decide if you are alcoholic (there are worse things and it's not your fault). If you decide that you are, then you have to decide if your want to stop and then settle on the method of stopping.

We usually try will power first and if that doesn't work, we dream up some other ideas like controlled drinking, or substitute other drugs. When all else fails and we have pretty well lost everything, especially our self respect, many of us turn to Alcoholics Anonymous. It's usually the last resort, but it is the single most effective treatment for alcoholism ever, and its free.

Some folks, more sensible than me, just go straight to AA and save themselves all that pain. They are only a phone call away. The easiest path might be to check it out.

Last edited by Gottalife; 05-06-2012 at 02:22 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:21 AM
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Hi Beerbottles,
Welcome and glad you had the courage to post. I cannot tell you if you belong on this site or not, that is something for you to decide. Keep reading though lots of good stuff here.
What I do know is your story is very similar to mine (minus children) regarding how you behave when you drink.
I did not drink all the time but when I choose to, it was a lot. I also loved alcohol, liked to drink, like the taste etc.
Once I had one, I absolutely wanted another. Once in awhile I could stop at two but as a general rule I drank more than I had intended to.

I struggled for awhile, listening to other people (other drinking friends mostly) tell me I was fine, nothing was wrong, perfectly normal. Well, it didn't feel normal. It felt strange to have that feeling and I finally realized that drinking just wasn't fun anymore. the bad was outweighing the fun.

I think just about everyone has tried to moderate, some try and try but most of the posts here will reflect that the final answer was to just quit all together.

Keep reading here, there are so many people who have told good personal stories and will give good wisdom.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:23 AM
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Welcome! As always, Sapling offered wise words.

For me, when I began to think critically about my alcohol use (abuse), that was the sign that there was a problem. I am an alcoholic. Are you? The answer to that is something you will need to arrive at on your own. Read what is here, post away. We can help you think it through.

What I did note in your post however, is that something isn't working for you now with how you are drinking. Something doesn't seem right, and it is bothering you. That is worthy of addressing, yes?
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:24 AM
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Well there is no ”learning” how to have just 1. It’s not like sitting down at a piano and pecking away. With the piano, at some point you can play something that sounds like a tune. With alcohol all you’re going to make is noise, and it’s going to get louder and louder.

You cannot stop at one drink. THAT’S THE PROBLEM. Call yourself anything you like, alcoholic ,problem drinker, or even a person with an allergy to alcohol. The name is not the thing. The thing is an inability to limit your drinking once you start.

Your story is not unique. The good news is that you have not seriously hurt anyone yet. The bad news is that if you keep drinking it will only get worse and the damages will mount.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:36 AM
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Thank-you for the welcome guys...

I've been throwing it around in my head for quite some time. There's the voice that says I stopped for 2 years and put my child first, I don't have a problem if I can do that.. And the voice that says I haven't hurt anyone...but I have and am.. I'm
Hiding it, that's hurting my relationship with my husband through the sneaking and lies... It's hurting me, being a fraud..

I think I found the right place... The fact that every time I drink I don't wake up and say hey that was an enjoyable evening I say hey I drank 12 beers and my husband thinks I drank 3... Not cool sigh...

Can you do it on your own or does everyone end up needing aa
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Beerbottles View Post
Can you do it on your own or does everyone end up needing aa
You can do it any way you want...I tried a lot of different ways...Tell you the truth I was terrified to go to AA...I just ran out of options....So I went and haven't drank since. But I worked for it.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:43 AM
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Hi and welcome.
A similar story from me too. Drank too much when younger but thought nothing of it, then quit when pregnant and my kids were little, only to resume when they were out of sight.
For me it took years but became steadily worse as they grew up and needed me less on a practical level. Now they are teenagers and lead semi independent lives and that's where my problems really escalated.
I wish I had had the courage you have and tackled this earlier but better late than never.
I have accepted I'm an alcoholic after all attempts to moderate were unsuccessful. I've quit completely and am beginning to discover a new and much happier side of life. That guilt you struggle with? Well it disappears!
Keep reading and posting, this is a wonderful place to start! Xxx
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:43 AM
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I haven't even told my husband... It's prob very naive and stupid but I'm hoping to do this on my own.. I'm too ashamed to draw people's attention to an issue they have no idea exists
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:44 AM
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Hi Beerbottles, and welcome to SR.

I can't tell you if you're an alcoholic - only you can decide for yourself whether or not alcohol is negatively impacting your life. You say that you feel terribly guilty for your drinking behaviour and that sounds like reason enough to stop drinking. But in my humble opinion, if you're lying to your family and hiding booze from them, you've crossed a line from normal drinking into something else.

The obvious answer for anyone is stop behaviour that is destructive for them and their family. Can you stop your binge drinking?

I was also a binger. I didn't get sober with AA but I saw an addiction counsellor regularly. There are many resources out there, and there are many members here who will likely chime in with recommendations.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:46 AM
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Thanks jenni

I'm really curious to find out why I do this.. I was addicted to my brothers add medication for 2 years until I got caught stealing them.. That was 10 years ago.. Maybe I've just transferred one addiction for another :/
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:49 AM
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replying to your question about doing it alone.

I guess you won't know until you try. I never tried on my own, I just wanted to keep drinking and ended up with courts and psych services trying to get me to starighten out. I resisted all that and ended up in AA when I hit bottom.

But I know others who tried every imaginable remedy. Some managed quite long stretches without drinking, but were unable to find any happiness travelling the road alone, and usually ended up drinking again.

The trick is to be sober and be happy about it, and that seems to be what I got from AA.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:52 AM
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I too, stopped when I was pregnant with my children. For me, it just wasn't an option to drink while pregnant. I didn't suffer withdrawals, and remember finding my pregnancies to be the happiest time of my life. Now I think, being sober had a LOT to do with it. I managed to amazing things professionally and personally when I was pregnant.

But I picked back up. Hard. And this time, I crossed over from being a cucumber to a pickle. I was chemically dependent. That my friend, is absolutely no fun at all.

I won't lie and say I don't find drinking pleasurable. I love good beer and wine. But the crippling anxiety, next day of guilt, remorse, ill health, mental and physical shakiness? That eradicates any ostensible joy I might have found the night before.

I am sitting here at the crack of dawn, enjoying another sober morning in a quiet house before my lovely family wakes up. We are headed to a 5k for a friend battling cancer. I am excited to run as a family. I would not be enjoying any of this if I had given in, and had beers at the neighborhood party yesterday, or wine when we were out to dinner last night with friends.

I offer this just as my experience. As someone who relates to your story. To answer your question about AA, I am not currently attending meetings. BUT, as many will attest to on this board, it is truly life changing, life saving for loads of people. There are several roads to sobriety, and this is a proven one.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:56 AM
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Have fun on your run today Change4good!....And what a great cause to run for!
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:56 AM
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i was called shy boy in high school. 20 years later and drinking all them years,i got into recovery through AA. i learned i wasnt shy. i was living in fear. fear of what others thought of me.
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:58 AM
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Yeah that's true.. Im only shy because I care so damn much about what everyone thinks of me and do not have the balls to rock up to a function without drinks in my system as my armor
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Old 05-06-2012, 02:59 AM
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And again thank you do much to all of you who are taking the time to reply, it's very humbling
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Old 05-06-2012, 03:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Beerbottles View Post
Yeah that's true.. Im only shy because I care so damn much about what everyone thinks of me and do not have the balls to rock up to a function without drinks in my system as my armor
Liquid courage...I came to find out it only fueled my fears....And I had a lot of them.
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Old 05-06-2012, 03:04 AM
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I also need to address why I've started binging at home.. Probably the release of being mum and wife
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