epskie

Hi All, I have one month and one day. I feel emotional and out of sorts today :-( I strongly suspect a lady in my AA group doesn't like me and I'm really trying not to let it bother me, but being the needy and weak type I am this is bothering me :-( I've noticed she doesn't talk to me and turns away when I make eye contact. I so don't want to moan about this but it is getting me down :-( I need to give myself a shake really don't I?
Thanks all, Emma

DisplacedGRITS

Don't let it get ya down. It's pretty normal and if she doesn't like you it's her problem, not yours.

Hevyn

Hi Emma - glad you posted. I'd probably be reacting the same way - I'm always way too concerned about what others think of me. It's actually better now that I'm not drinking - I'm less self-conscious. I'm sorry her attitude is causing you to feel down.

Early sobriety is a time when emotions run rampant. You'll feel stronger & more self-confident as you go along. Congratulations on your one month & a day of sobriety - you're doing great, Emma. I hope talking about your feelings here will ease your anxiety.

Change4good

Do YOU like you right now? Then don't give a fig about anyone else.

Remember, everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Let it go.

awuh1

Reminds me of something that happened to me yesterday. Someone “undid” something I’d done because they thought it was mean spirited. I had intended my actions to be humorous and supportive but it was “intercepted” and nullified. The person doing this had totally misread my intention. I was sorta hurt by this. Turns out today, I kinda understand why they did this. They know this person better than I do and in thinking about it today, I’m actually glad they did what they did. The net result might have been interpreted as hurtful and thats the last thing this person needs now.
Basically what it comes down to IMO is that things happen for a reason. I’ve seen enough bad things turn out to be good things that I withhold judgment far longer than previously.

Anna

I used to stress about people liking me or not. One of the huge breakthroughs of recovery for me was accepting that not everyone likes me and it's OKAY.

Remember, it's about the other person, not about you.

atimeofchoice

An old saying, but a good one:

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

When people can't make eye contact it means they're ashamed of something. You might look like someone from her past or your name might stir up something for her. In other words, it's not you!

Congrats on your clean time, by the way.....good job!

sugarbear1

As said, "It's none of my business what others think." I have a hard enough time thinking for me, I don't need to think for anyone else!

Some of us are sicker than others.... of course, you may just remind her of herself....

One day you might speak with her and more will be revealed, or not.

Try focusing on you, work those steps with a sponsor. Sobriety is so wonderful! It's a great learning experience, too~

You are okay just the way you are!

Congratulations on 1 month!

Sapling

We all like you epskie....Who knows what going on with her....There are plenty of really nice people in AA...You'll find them...You never know...Down the road she might be one of them...A big congrats to you on one month and one day!!!....Remember you are there for you. You earned that seat...Never let anyone take it from you.

Change4good

I often remind myself that if I tread gently in the world, if I am the best person I can be to myself and others, that is quite good enough. And if others don't like me, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

That said, I think people like me a lot more when sobriety enables me to be a better friend, mother, daughter, etc. :-)

Jeni26

Hi my friend xxx

I understand how you feel, I always worry about what other people may or may not think of me. A look or comment can be interpreted in so many ways.

I think we can be so sensitive to that it can easily undermine our confidence.
Don't let it! We all think the world of you, your family and friends love you. She is just one person and you don't even know for sure what her views are, if she has any at all!

You're doing great, hold your head up high and keep going. If she's there next time give her a big smile!!

Lots of love

Jen xxx

soberred

This reminds me of a situation I had at one of my old jobs. I would make rounds twice daily to pick up orders in the warehouse. Everyday, I would smile at one of my customers and say good morning.(I am very friendly at work). Everyday he would look at me grumpy and turn his head and not respond. This went on for a month. It finally started bothering me. What the heck did I do to him? He doesn't even know me. Why doesn't he like me? I'm pleasant, professional, nice. How dare him? So I got ticked and decided not to smile or say anything to him. After 4 days of this, he walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles and says good morning. I don't know what happened but maybe his life was pretty crappy and he was miserable. He must of missed my smile in the morning. Do what Jeni26 says. Give her a smile. You never know what might happen. If it goes no where from there, that's okay. By the way. Almost 3 weeks here and I am very overly sensitive to everything. You are doing great.