soberred

I am now 3 days short of 3 weeks sober. I feel pretty good. Almost like I did when I quit for 5 months. This last binge was pretty bad. I'm sure I had alcohol poisoning. I can't believe I go through these withdraws by myself. So very dangerous. BF told me this time that I either go to a inpatient rehab or move out. I told him I would move out but I am not going to a rehab. I would lose my job, my car. He wouldn't take care of me financially. It would be fine for a month but when I came out, with no job and no car, I would be so stressed and depressed. I decided to go to a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, PTSD, anxiety. I go on Tuesday for a 2 hour eval to see what my plan of care will be. I am hoping to go at least 2 or 3 times a week. Whatever it takes. I can quit for a month or 2 at a time. I just need to know how to deal with the issues that cause me to relapse. BF is allowing me to stay here he says as a safe haven. If I don't go to the psych dr and stick with it, my a$$ is out. I'm tired of this vicious circle. I truly with all my heart want to be well. To be normal. I never imagined I would turn into my father. All except the abuse that is. I hated him for that. I am really looking forward to my sessions. Found out my insurance covers it and I only have to pay $25 office visit. I never talk about things that happened in my past. I didn't feel the need to open old wounds. Kind of afraid of bringing it out ya know. Too painful. I need to. I think this finally a step in the right direction. Wish me luck.

Sapling

I wish the best of luck...Be totally honest...It's all that stuff you hold in that makes you relapse. Maybe that's why AA works for so many...You get to dump all that stuff. Good luck to you soberred....I hope it works out.

soberred

It will. It has to.

sugarbear1

I wish you well.

Love,

DisplacedGRITS

Good luck seeing the psych. I saw mine just a few days ago. Mine put me on meds that have helped a ton. It took some trial and error to figure out the right ones and dosages but what a difference! Be open and honest. A good doctor can be worth his or her weight in gold.

ThaBadGuy

best wishes =)

artsoul

That's great news, soberred - keep working on the solutions and reminding yourself you deserve to be happier and healthier! Things can turn around - I can feel it!

CaiHong

hi Sobered,

I hope that this time around things work out for you. You were able to stay sober for 5 months and that says a lot about your determination.

What do you think lead up to your relapse ?

All the best
Cai Hong

soberred

Being around alcohol and having it offered to me. Having a terrible relationship with my 12year old. Having my finances down the toilet. Having a very toxic relationship with my BF. And then and then and then

Anna

Ironic, isn't it! I never imagined in a million years that I would turn into my mother. My goal had been to be 'not like my mother'. I realized at some point that I had become her because I had focused on her, not on being myself. I had a lot of work to do on me.

I'm really glad that you are talking to a therapist. Good for you!

soberred

Yes. I had the same goal. Wanted not to be like my dad and just like mom. Mom hated alcohol but was a cold woman. Dad was a mean drunk but was tender and loving when sober. Go figure. I guess I have a lot to talk about. I've avoided it all my life. Figured I could handle it and it didn't affect me like the rest of my family. Low and behold, it caught up to me.