gunther84

...I am not sitting here with a cup full of vodka. Of course when I poured it, I said it would be the only one of the night. I was always wrong.

....as my wife slept I would go back for a second big ol cup of vodka. I would add water to the bottle so my wife would not notice that the vodka had gone down....that would be it for the night I lied to myself....

...a short time later I would empty the bottle of now watered down vodka and refill it with water only....a short time later I would pass out on the couch...

...and wake up around dawn with my head pounding and stomach upset and climb into bed to sleep the sleep of a closet alcoholic for a little while more.

...I would be ill when my wife woke and the scheming and lying by me would begin. I had to figure out a way to get more vodka to replace the bottle I finished last night. I would figure out a plan to lie and deceive my wife and after I got away with it, I would never do it again I promised myself, however I was always wrong.

Until tonight. It is a new beginning for me. It can be for you too. Goodnight all. I am going up to sleep next to my wife. Sober.

Ranger

It's a priceless freedom. Enjoy, friend.

Dee74

fantastic post gunther - thanks

D

reggiewayne

Great post. My last drink was a week ago. It started with a whiskey and coke, then another, then another, the a few swigs from the bottle, then another, then a beer, then a few more swigs.

That was me "having a few drinks after work". Just straight up alcoholism...

My wife's sister was in town and I was trying to talk to them and I could tell I was slurring. I always hated when I did that. My cure was to drink more. Utterly stupid, but that's what I would do.

I went to bed around 2am and woke up at 5:30 scarred of the world. I tossed and turned for 2 more hours then woke up. (Here's the part that relates to your post).

When I woke up I acted like nothing was wrong. I was still drunk from the night before and sat there with my family like nothing was wrong. Dishonest. Boozing and honesty don't mix. I would never, ever, admitt that I wasn't feeling well after a night of drinking. It's crazy. Because if I'm sober I may say "I'm tired, I'm grupmy, anxious, upbeat, etc... meaning it's true emotion and feeling.

When I drink all I am trying to do is not have you look to closely at me because I'm scarred you'll see me for who I truly am. So I will do everything in my power to trick you to thinking I'm OK.

What a complete mess...

Glad I'm not living that way anymore.

Thanks - RW

Sapling

It's pretty amazing what that stuff puts us through gunther84...There's so much more to life without it...I haven't forgotten living like that...That's a great post.

thesun

Exactly, all drinking does is inebriate us- numb our senses, virtually rendering us senseless. Pretty disgusting hey.

Change4good

Isn't it wonderful that you have the choice not to be in that place ever again?

DarkDays

Real great posts, rings so many bells with me. I used to buy 2 small bottles of wine to show wife I was having 2 large glasses of wine but got up to all kinds of tricks trying to sneak the other four small bottles in without her seeing. Also Drinking one whole bottle of wine (large normal bottle) and 3/4s of the second then refilling the rest with water to look like it was still full. Then the morning worry weather she would find my hidden emptys as she was getting ready for work, she did many times.

MarkstheSpot

I wish there was some way of favouriting posts for returning to later, like you can on Twitter. Cos I'd favourite that one.

Spinach

Priceless. Explanation of drinking gone wrong.
Good luck with the new journey.
John.

roosta

Great post, done the hiding, refilling, buying more and scheming thing, and this post really hits home for me. So great I have the choice never to do that again!!!

roosta

soberred

God I've done all those things. My BF thinks I am the only liar in the world. I tell him it is no excuse but drunks lie, hide, manipulate. Sickening to remember

england

Good for you

Hevyn

Gunther thank you for a valuable post that I'm sure will touch many. It brings back the memories of the horrible way we force ourselves to live. I got choked up reading it. We must never forget where we've been.

TheRestorative

This really hit home for me. I am deeply insecure, and drinking was always a way for me to "open up" and be more outgoing at parties, and then it turned into something else. I have this fear that I'm not good enough, not worthy of much. Drinking made me feel okay with that. But then anytime I was challenged or argued against while drinking, that insecurity would manifest itself in anger and violence. As in, "How dare you try to hinder my one vice that numbs this? If you're going to screw with my drunk, then you're just @#$%!!!"

You feel like you can't get away, like you're cornered. I hated being cornered with nothing but someone in my face. I can't help feeling like it was me. We're always left with ourselves.