Six months
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
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Yay pigtails! I'm so glad you are feeling good and strong, and realizing that you can absolutely do this...you are doing this. Even after many years, there will be an occasional fleeting thought for me, but it's actually funny to me now because it's like "wtf was that about?" lol Now my perspective has shifted so much that looking back sometimes it's almost like watching a movie...like it wasn't even me doing those things. Keep moving foward...it does only get better.
That's fantastic - I'm so happy for you!! You've come a long way, baby!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by forabetterlife 
Pigtails, that's amazing. I am proud of you as well, and I remember you from one of my previous sober episodes. I hope that I can say that I am sober 6 months someday.
It is those thoughts that I can drink "normally" that keep causing me to slip. I will try to remember what you said. Way to go..
It is those thoughts that I can drink "normally" that keep causing me to slip. I will try to remember what you said. Way to go..
You can do it-- you can get to six months sober and more, and you CAN have a better life.
For me personally, I HATED those thoughts of "maybe I can drink normally" and I wanted so bad for them to leave me so that I didn't have to be so obsessed with alcohol (either drinking or not drinking-- either way, I felt obsessed and tortured).
Then finally somehow I just asked myself, well what if I always have these thoughts?? If, after all, I'm an alcoholic, won't my brain always want to drink on some level? Is that really the worst thing in the world? Is it better to have those thoughts and drink, or have those thoughts and not drink? I just came to accept that I have those thoughts, but I don't have to act on them. It was a freeing feeling for sure.
Honestly I still have the "what if I can drink normally?" thought/hope, to this day, to this minute. In fact I was just having it... we are going bowling tonight for Cinco de Mayo, my boyfriend and a couple of friends and me, and i know everyone else will be sharing pitchers of beers, except for me. My boyfriend was talking about what he wants to drink... he always does that, and it used to bother me because it made me want to drink. Now, yes, I have this fantasy, these thoughts, like, well maybe I will just join them!! I am not so bad, in fact they are worse, and THEY'RE not giving up alcohol just because of how it affects them! So I can drink too.
But now instead of hating those thoughts and wishing they would leave me, I just accept that they're there, and ask myself what I'm going to do about them. First off is realizing that they're just thoughts-- I don't have to act on them. Secondly is acting my way through them--- to me this means that no matter what I'm THINKING, I have to ACT in the way that I want to be and the way I know is best for me -- sober. So I just tell myself I won't drink "no matter what." This is something I've told myself from day 1 when the internal struggle was very very hard and a lot more frequent, until now, when it feels much easier, but is still there. No matter how I'm feeling, what happens to me, what other people are doing or saying, I won't drink, NO MATTER WHAT. I don't know where I got it from-- I'm sure parts of SR and parts of AA and parts of just my own way to deal with things-- but it has always worked for me, in that so far, I haven't had a drink, and I really can't as long as that's my motto.
And thirdly, I just think my way through the thoughts/urges to drink. This step isn't always necessary because I really do think action (or inaction-- not drinking) is the most important thing. But if I really have a desire to drink that seems to re-occur or haunt me, I say okay fine, let's think this through. It's kind of my normal brain combating my alcoholic brain. I think about what will happen if I DON'T drink-- I'll feel proud of myself, happier, healthier. I'll have safeguarded all that I've earned, which is 6 months of sobriety and counting. I won't get sick, I won't make a fool out of myself, I won't be hungover.
And what if I DO drink? For this I think about the most embarrassing, shameful things I've done while drunk -- and there are plenty of memories to recall, sadly. I think about how I don't want to do anything like that ever again, and the only way to ensure that is to stay sober. I get this freeing feeling when I think that I will never have to worry about getting a DUI or otherwise getting arrested, or putting myself in danger, or saying or doing something I regret. My past shame turns into present and future hope. And then I honestly no longer want to drink.
And when I see other people drinking I have to remember that they are facing their own demons too. Maybe they have a problem with it, maybe they don't, but I am not them and I know my own issues and my own goals. I have changed a lot about my life so that I'm not constantly tempted and now I rarely even think about going out to drink like I used to. And I may have to change more about my life-- ideally I wouldn't really like to hang out with people who drink a lot, but, right now soemtimes I do and I just try to limit my exposure to it and balance staying their friend or loving them with doing what I know to be right for myself.
Sorry this got so long, but I just wanted to pass on the tips and tricks I use to stay sober. I am so happy and glad that I don't drink anymore, although ironically I can't say I don't often wish I could go have a drink!! It's a strange paradox but overall I am much happier and my life is much better, and that goal is what keeps me going in this direction. And you can do it too. Feel free to PM me any time. Best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by Spinach
That's great at what time in the early days did you start to have more confidence that things were going well.
So pleased for you. Do you find good things happening as a secondary consequence for you?
John.
So pleased for you. Do you find good things happening as a secondary consequence for you?
John.
In the first week or so I was on a pink cloud of feeling happy about not drinking and determined to stay stopped. (This was after several false starts.) I went to AA and found some good friends/support system so I was beginning to see there could be a new way of life for me and more happiness. But then I started feeling emotional while dealing with life without alcohol and things were up and down for a while. I would say that between two and three months I started to feel like, okay, I can do this, and after my three month chip I felt pretty secure. That is not to say I don't still struggle with it because I do, and at certain times I am rather surprised I stayed sober! But right now for the past week or so I have felt pretty good about not drinking. It seems more second nature, or like a habit... I'm a non-drinker now and that's okay. But until a week or so ago my sobriety felt very fragile and vulnerable and I had to keep it as my first priority or else I felt I would slip.
As for your second question, yes, my life has improved drastically in so many ways other than drinking. I had been working at a company I didn't like and wanted to start my own business but instead of taking action I just lived miserably and tried to drink my problems away but instead I created more for myself. About two months into my sobriety I said okay, I'm changing everything for the better, and I left the company and started up my own business. So far it is doing great and I am so much happier career-wise.
I have also been working at other goals like getting into shape... but this a recent thing because I really think for the first 6 months I had to concentrate just on not drinking, but now I am using those tools to avoid sugar and bad foods, and to consistently work out etc., and I feel great physically. I feel I'm starting to carve out the kind of life I want to live, even though I'm not there yet, and in fact still have a long way to go, I am making more progress than I have in YEARS, especially since I wasted too many of those years being wasted and escaping into alcohol rather than actively doing what I truly wanted to do with my life.
I hope this helps answer your questions, feel free to ask more or to PM me. Best wishes!!!!
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