zanzibar

Hey ProblemDrinker. If you were looking for a question that would trigger a response from everyone on the forum, you found it. And I think everyone is going to give the same answer. The only reason your wife says she has no problem with this is because she is ready to support you in any way she can, and realizes it has to be your decision. Not that she actually agrees with it. Good luck and hope you make the right decision.

Sapling

No need for what?...And I'm not seeing you as the enemy...Why don't you just do a search for threads with "moderation" in them and see how it's worked out. Save yourself some headaches...I've said it before and I'll say it again...If moderation worked we would have a forum here with moderation success stories....I don't see one.

m1k3

A question you might want to ask yourself, what is so important about drinking?

If your doctor told you you could never have bagels again would you be on a public forum trying to determine if you could have a bagel or two in moderation?

Just a thought.

ProblemDrinker

I get the message everyone.

I'll do my thing and see how it goes.

All the best and thanks for the advice!

Sapling

Keep us updated...You could be the one!

ProblemDrinker

Of course there will be no success stories on here with moderation Sapling...

For the very reason of the nature of this website and the views of 99.99% here. If there were any success stories, people would know better than to post them here with the potential to tempt others who are living a happy and sober life.

Everyone is different, and there is a wide ranging scale for everything and everyone.

I shouldn't have posted my question here. Apologise if I offended anyone.

ProblemDrinker

I sense there is an emphasis on 'the'

lol

JimJim

Hey ProblemDrinker,

I would remember the reasons why you gave up the alcohol to begin with and reached out to a recory forum. I know you said 'it would be nice to have a few'. Do you think you could enjoy the event without the booze? For what reasons will it be 'nice to have a few'?

I have been off the booze for a couple of weeks now and feel much better for it. I too have thoughts of just having a couple this weekend for instance. Recalling the reasons that brought me here will prevent me from doing so. I have read a few posts here of people who have thought they can moderate, take a drink and regret it.

I understand we are all individuals here though and must walk and think out our own path and what/who we are and can and can not do. Good luck! What ever you decide.

suki44883

I don't believe you offended anyone. We get this question quite often. It's just that it seems your mind was already made up before you even posted the question here. Most people already know what they are going to do, so I'm not sure why they seek advice in the first place.

Most of us have been where you are. Desperately wanting to be able to drink like non-alcoholics. We tried and tried to moderate, and while it may have worked for a while, it just doesn't last forever. At some point, we were right back drinking as much and as often as before. Then, we have to start all over with sobriety. IF we are lucky.

While it's true that everyone is different, most alcoholics are pretty much the same when it comes to drinking. One is too many and one thousand isn't enough. Good luck, though. I hope it works for you.

eJoshua

I dunno man, I've never met anyone that had a real drinking problem and was able to cut back to moderation. I think we've all tried it before and failed, which is why we are all so critical of your plans. If people on here seem confrontational on this point it's because we've all been there and we hate to see others hurt themselves by chasing that high. I don't know if you drank like I did, but of you did then I can guarantee that trying to moderate will only prolong your suffering.

Whatever you do, we'll still be here and you're always welcome here. Good luck!

Sapling

I don't think it offends anybody...We care about people here...Save them a little misery if we can. I think moderation is just another form of denial. We have to do what we have to do to learn...You weren't the first and you won't be the last.

Eliasson

I was a member of MM, too. Suffice it to say it didn't work very well for me. I actually don't have much doubt that you WILL be able to moderate this weekend. I can do it, too, sometimes. It's what will happen next week, or next month, that worried me most. A lot of us are able to moderate at times, but if you are truly an alcoholic, this will not last too long. And "when I could control my drinking, I couldn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed my drinking, I couldn't control it". But you are right, despite everything we can say, you will have to figure this out for yourself.

ProblemDrinker

Good point.

I'll be doing it as a controlled experiment almost - hopefully with emphasis on the control bit.

If it works - great, if it doesn't I know it never will and I will return to total sobriety knowing there is a good and happy life as a non drinker.

Either way I'll be better off than not ever knowing.

It could even be seen as a final 'confirmation' that sobriety is the only way forwards. At the moment I'm not 100% sure that it is the only way for me.

This test will prove that.

Thanks again guys. I'll let you all know how it goes (if that's ok!!)

eJoshua

Can I hold you to that?

Also, how do you define success in this experiment?

doggonecarl

That kind of promise, and my failure to keep it, time after time, kept me mired in my addictions far too long. I just hope that after the next absolutely last blackout session you have, something horrific hasn't happened.

Terminally Unique

Your question is fine, ProblemDrinker, but I'm with artsoul. The fact that you would need your wife to look over your shoulder and keep track of drinks does indeed say a lot. My view in general is that problems don't cause addition, but rather, addiction causes problems. That you have addressed "other areas" does not mean the drink problem is gone. If you have good reason to stop temporarily, then you also have good reason to quit for good, and it doesn't matter if you are a hard drinker, real alcoholic, fake alcoholic, or what have you.

I do know that some people manage to return to moderate drinking after a period of debauchery. I also know that such people don't need to learn to moderate from a recovery group or a recovery forum, or have their wife count the drinks. They just do it. All this said, while my stand is essentially hard-line on this, I have no stake in your life, and at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our choices. I would suggest that you re-post in this thread in about three months to let others know how your experiment went, though.

Contrary to what some people say, or what South Park may depict, you don't always go "out of control" right away. Usually, you manage to have a few, and nothing bad happens. So, you try it again, and maybe nothing bad happens the second time, either. Soon enough, though, your tolerance starts to go up, and you start getting drunk again. How long this takes depends on the person. So, be sure to set yourself some good, and very precise definitions for what "success" and "failure" mean, and don't keep moving the goal posts.

JustARide

Based on this, your experiment isn't really going to prove anything. Because like you said, 90% of the time you are okay. So if you are okay this time, like you are 90% of the time, that doesn't prove anything in regards to eradicating the 10% that you have problems with. If you are alright this time you might be the next 9 times as well, until you hit that 10% again. See what I'm saying?

JustARide

But I can relate. I'm still telling myself that I will be able to enjoy alcohol like a normal person at some time in the future. Possibly after getting rid of all of the baggage...the self esteem issues, the poor self image, the anxiety issues...maybe after finding things in my life that are real important to me. But it could just be a trap. In any event, I'm not testing my luck anytime soon. But if you attempt to...well...good luck.

midgetcop

If members at SR seem of one-mind when it comes to moderation questions, it's because most (if not all of us) speak from experience.

I know I do. And I've been in your shoes more times than I can count. I wasn't an everyday drinker, and I didn't need booze in my system 24/7 to stave off DTs or anything. But when I began to drink, if was pretty common that I didn't have an 'off' switch, and down the rabbit hole I'd go.....

Even if you're successful in your weekend experiment, what does that prove? That it's 'ok' for you to begin to drink again? How long until the drinking becomes a problem again?

There *will* come a point where you'll become sick of the mental obsession. Trust me, life is much easier when alcohol is completely removed from the psyche, and you'll experience a sense of freedom I bet you never thought possible.

Either way PD, I wish you the best for this weekend. Let us know how it goes.

soberbythesea

This. Why do you need those 2 glasses of wine? Why not just leave them?

If you NEED alcohol in your life, you're an alcoholic and shouldn't be drinking any quantity of it. And if you don't need it, then why bother?