OCDDan

Like I've said on a few threads, once I accepted the fact that alcohol will just return me to a degregated state, and I honestly felt that I never want to drink again, the cravings have stopped. Not to get too complacent, because that has happend to me, but now i can work on the reasons i drank (social anxiety and others). Even tho I'm only on day 11 or so this time around, the recent periods of sobriety and falling down have taught me a lot. I don't feel like you start all over when you fall, you don't lose everything, you gain knowledge and reinfore your will to get sober. I think you have to sincerily know, in your heart, that drinking is not what you want to do again, ever, let go of the "someday maybe" it will never be an option, or at least not a viable one. Dan

Tuitiefruitie

So what changes that makes you drink after you decide drinking is never an option? That's what scares me. That decision to go ahead after being sober for a period of time. Do you know what pushed you? Do you think you can stop it again? Is there a different approach you are going to use? These are the things that I think about constantly. Did these things bother you too?

OCDDan

Exactly, that's the whole point of my post, once you accept the fact that you can never drink again, it gets easier. Until now, I have never accepted the fact that i can never drink again, that is the difference. No amount of social anxiety can make me drink again, I have finally, after 42 years of drinking, realized this. Tuitiefruitie, are you sure that you can never ever drink again? if you don't know the answer, then that is your answer. So to answer the one question "do you know what pushed you" Yes I know the answer is that in the back of my mind, i was still planning a drink in the future, that is no longer the case.

Tuitiefruitie

Thank you! Your answer was very helpful. Yes, I do know I can never drink again. I'm glad you know it, too.

Terminally Unique

This is something that I keep trying to tell people, but which I haven't quite figured out how to get them to believe. I'm not even sure it is possible to believe until you've experienced it, but having lived in the purgatory of indecision for a long time, I do know this. As long as you feel that there is another drink "out there" in the future with your name on it, then you will yearn for it all the more. Once the detox is over, it takes the anticipation of gratification of desire to truly cause cravings. It might cross our mind for a bit, sure, but we do not really crave what we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will never have.

OCDDan

Thanks TU, I'm finding this "no cravings" quite liberating

MarylandRick

Congrats OCDDan. You are describing what for me is the definition of the first step. Admitted we were powerless over (what ever your affliction) and that our lives were unmanageable.
Acceptance, surrender, etc.

It can be difficult to articulate, at least it is for me, the feeling of relief you experience when you truly surrender. But those of us who have experienced it know exactly what you are talking about Dan. It was like a light switch was flipped......an ever so slight shift in my thinking and it made such a huge difference in how I felt. Drinking was no longer an option and like that....the obsession was removed.

For me this lead to a spiritual awaking as descibed in the Big Book and I am so grateful for the experience.

Congratulations, stay vigilant.

desertsong

I agree with TU, once you leave the door open that there is always the possibility that you'll drink again, you just might. In AA we say "one day at a time," which is true (i.e. I work my sobriety one day at a time and don't let myself get bogged down by the past or the future), but I also know that I will never drink again. Sounds like a bold statement, but I just don't see it happening. There has been a true psychic change in me and the desire to drink has been removed. It just isn't an option for me anymore, and that has brought me enormous freedom. BUT I also know that I have to be vigilant. What you said about complacency is true ... every time I've relapsed, complacency has been at the root of it. I stopped working a program, stopped going to meetings, stopped doing the other things that were helping to keep me sober, and then what do you know ... I was drunk again. No big mystery why it happened.

So glad to hear you're doing well, Dan. Stay on top of the ball and you'll get there.

Terminally Unique

It is the "should I or shouldn't I drink" inner debate that causes the white knuckling, struggling, gnashing of teeth, etc. It is unfortunate that some schools of thought encourage doing a cost-benefit analysis every time you see a beer, one craving at a time, rather than doing one single cost-benefit analysis and just being done with it. One way ends the debate, and the other keeps it going forever.

Davestwincam

I agree OCD, I have been drinking steadily,(but not always heavily), for over
30 years. I've tried to seriously quit the last 2 years. The many relapses do
teach us something about ourselves every time. I guess I am at the point where I'm not only arguing with the cravings but also with the fact that I need to quit for good. I know I will eventually win these arguments because I have such a strong case not to ever pick up again.