I need to vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 3
I need to vent
I'm new here. My alcoholism is destroying my life and I want to stay sober but I cannot seem to do so. I met a beautiful woman and I ruined it for vodka. In the past year I have had two ovi's and three other incidents with the law that involved alcohol. She broke up with me a month ago... It was a horrible break up. The more I drank the more possessive, obssessive, controlling and abusive the relationship got. Is that really who I am?? Or is it the alcohol??? Can I blame the alcohol??? I would drink untill I passed out... I would drink untill I pee'd my pants. I was sober for 21 days after the breakup and on saturday I drank three 5ths of vodka... Now I am back at day one!!!! What do I have to go through to relize that it is killing me and ruining my life??? I went to a concert over the summer and ate 15 hits of lsd and was running around in front of 30,000 people completely naked.... Why do I take everything to the extreme??? And why am I so dependent on others for my happiness??? I'm almost 30 years old and I feel like I have nothing... I am trying to stay sober again, I did slip. I have been going to AA but I feel as if I just do not fit in there. I live in the city so the only meetings I can make it to is filled with people that are older and most of them have no teeth. I'm always like I quit drinking... Never again. And then I end up right back there. I do not know. I am very depressed and lonely. I almost had a month sober and now I feel as if I am right back where I was. When I do heal from this breakup, and I do get sober, and I do get my life back on track. I have no idea how I will even begin to start a relationship. All my relationships have revolved around alcohol. How do I love myself?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I just want to welcome you.
Every journey starts with a single step.
Read, read, read.
You have a difficult but oh so worthwhile path ahead.
You are on the road.
There are some very wise and kind people on here.
If you go to the "forum" section, you can click on some permanent posts called "stickies".
That would be a good start.
Try to give AA a chance. The company alone is helpful.
There are many programs that can help. Support is vital.
We tend to isolate, and our addiction likes it that way.
Don't. (isolate)
There is a book in AA (go to a meeting and pick one up, couple of dollars), called "Living Sober". It is good.
For stopping, there is a helpful ditty.
Do not get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
(HALT).
Simple but Brilliant!
Read, and get help. First steps to a new life.
Every journey starts with a single step.
Read, read, read.
You have a difficult but oh so worthwhile path ahead.
You are on the road.
There are some very wise and kind people on here.
If you go to the "forum" section, you can click on some permanent posts called "stickies".
That would be a good start.
Try to give AA a chance. The company alone is helpful.
There are many programs that can help. Support is vital.
We tend to isolate, and our addiction likes it that way.
Don't. (isolate)
There is a book in AA (go to a meeting and pick one up, couple of dollars), called "Living Sober". It is good.
For stopping, there is a helpful ditty.
Do not get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
(HALT).
Simple but Brilliant!
Read, and get help. First steps to a new life.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hi MyHeadHurt. Welcome to SR.
I'm 31 and live in a relatively rural area of Wisconsin. Most of the people in my AA group are significantly older than i am and several don't have a full head of teeth. In fact, the only thing we have in common is the driving force in my life for the last 8 years, alcohol. That's enough in common for me. Also, i go to those meetings and listen to the toothless oldtimers because sometimes the stories about how they became toothless and rough are a reminder to me to stay on the straight and narrow. Just like here when i read about someone deciding to try to moderate their drinking and falling right off the wagon. I read and reread those posts as a warning to myself that one is too many and not worth the risk.
Stop looking for what you don't have in common with your fellow AAers. Concentrate on the one thing you do have in common. The big thing.
I'm 31 and live in a relatively rural area of Wisconsin. Most of the people in my AA group are significantly older than i am and several don't have a full head of teeth. In fact, the only thing we have in common is the driving force in my life for the last 8 years, alcohol. That's enough in common for me. Also, i go to those meetings and listen to the toothless oldtimers because sometimes the stories about how they became toothless and rough are a reminder to me to stay on the straight and narrow. Just like here when i read about someone deciding to try to moderate their drinking and falling right off the wagon. I read and reread those posts as a warning to myself that one is too many and not worth the risk.
Stop looking for what you don't have in common with your fellow AAers. Concentrate on the one thing you do have in common. The big thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome to SR!
Stick around and keep reading and posting, this place can really help you. And don't give up on AA, you can gain a lot of wisdom from those "toothless old timers."
There are a variety of AA groups. If you live in a big city I'm sure you have a few colleges around, there are groups that cater to the college aged crowd. Also, in my experience the groups are different in suburbia than they are in the city, you might want to shop around a bit.
Stick around and keep reading and posting, this place can really help you. And don't give up on AA, you can gain a lot of wisdom from those "toothless old timers."
There are a variety of AA groups. If you live in a big city I'm sure you have a few colleges around, there are groups that cater to the college aged crowd. Also, in my experience the groups are different in suburbia than they are in the city, you might want to shop around a bit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome and glad yer seeing theres a problem. there's a high probability that you, like myself at one time, dont really understand what alcoholism is. one thing to understand is that being sober is more than not drinking. thats just a dry drunk.
alcoholism is a much more deeper problem than just drinking. it effects the mind as well as the body.
what worked for me? desperation like i had NEVER experienced before. the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality.
it was the day after an amazingly insane blackout. the next morning when i woke up, my fiance told me what i had done and said the night before. i didnt remember a thing, but i believed it. heck, it wasnt the first time! then she said," get out! get the F*** out!!!" i knew she had had enough and i didnt argue. i packed some clothes and left. i was still drunk at the time, but as i dried up that day, the 4 horseman set in and i was in total shock. but one thing was different this time: i finally admitted to myself that alcohol was the problem and i had to do something about it.
so, there i was, trying to figger out what to do! thoughts of things i had tried in the past kept popping up, but i knew that none of them worked. one thing that kept popping up was AA, which i was ordered to go to by a judge a few years earlier.
welp, i narrowed my choices down to 2 options: go to AA and do what they say or kill myself.
lots of old farts with no teeth at the meetings. didnt really know how i could learn anything from them. welp, found out there was only one way they became old farts with no teeth: the pain of reality exceeded the pain of drinking and they got into AA, got sponsors to guide them through the program and teach em how to live one day at a time.
i put my trust in those old farts with no teeth and did what they told me to do. i got a sponsor who should have received combat pay, got a big book and started doin what it said. at 1st, i was only giving this AA thing 90 days, and if it didnt work, i was gonna kill myself.
when i got 90 days, in, i knew something in ME changed. didnt know what it was, but i thought i liked it, so i decided to stick around.
gettin sober was a bugger. it took a few months before i made it one whole day without even thinkin about a drink. but now staying sober is simple. not always easy, but simple.
every second has been worth it and a blessing! i owe it to God as i understand him, the program and the fellowship. we alcoholics have 3 choices: locked up covered up, or sobered up. glad i took the sobered up one and hope you will too.
your 1st relationship you should be concerned with is the relationship with yourself and a higher power. i was told no relationships for the 1st year and i am proof it is a terrible idea to get into one.
please!! for you!! get back to them meetings, get a sponsor and work the program! what you were tellin us is nothing new.many, many of us have been there. yer not a bad man, yer a sick man, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. but there is a solution IF you are wiling to do whatever is necessary. and the good news is, none of it will hurt ya and none of it is illegal!!!!
alcoholism is a much more deeper problem than just drinking. it effects the mind as well as the body.
what worked for me? desperation like i had NEVER experienced before. the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality.
it was the day after an amazingly insane blackout. the next morning when i woke up, my fiance told me what i had done and said the night before. i didnt remember a thing, but i believed it. heck, it wasnt the first time! then she said," get out! get the F*** out!!!" i knew she had had enough and i didnt argue. i packed some clothes and left. i was still drunk at the time, but as i dried up that day, the 4 horseman set in and i was in total shock. but one thing was different this time: i finally admitted to myself that alcohol was the problem and i had to do something about it.
so, there i was, trying to figger out what to do! thoughts of things i had tried in the past kept popping up, but i knew that none of them worked. one thing that kept popping up was AA, which i was ordered to go to by a judge a few years earlier.
welp, i narrowed my choices down to 2 options: go to AA and do what they say or kill myself.
lots of old farts with no teeth at the meetings. didnt really know how i could learn anything from them. welp, found out there was only one way they became old farts with no teeth: the pain of reality exceeded the pain of drinking and they got into AA, got sponsors to guide them through the program and teach em how to live one day at a time.
i put my trust in those old farts with no teeth and did what they told me to do. i got a sponsor who should have received combat pay, got a big book and started doin what it said. at 1st, i was only giving this AA thing 90 days, and if it didnt work, i was gonna kill myself.
when i got 90 days, in, i knew something in ME changed. didnt know what it was, but i thought i liked it, so i decided to stick around.
gettin sober was a bugger. it took a few months before i made it one whole day without even thinkin about a drink. but now staying sober is simple. not always easy, but simple.
every second has been worth it and a blessing! i owe it to God as i understand him, the program and the fellowship. we alcoholics have 3 choices: locked up covered up, or sobered up. glad i took the sobered up one and hope you will too.
your 1st relationship you should be concerned with is the relationship with yourself and a higher power. i was told no relationships for the 1st year and i am proof it is a terrible idea to get into one.
please!! for you!! get back to them meetings, get a sponsor and work the program! what you were tellin us is nothing new.many, many of us have been there. yer not a bad man, yer a sick man, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. but there is a solution IF you are wiling to do whatever is necessary. and the good news is, none of it will hurt ya and none of it is illegal!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
I was a wreck when I came to sr. It was the first place I came and I lived on it for a while. There is a whole new you waiting for you to meet.
Some great experience here. One day at a time, One breath if need be.
Welcome
Some great experience here. One day at a time, One breath if need be.
Welcome
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Welcome to SR, MyHeartHurt. My heart hurts for you. Relationships are my trigger, whether they are good or bad. They are a tough one. But, I think you hit the nail on the head with your last question: How do I love myself?
I'm glad you are here. I hope I'll see more of your posts, and can be of help to you. In the meantime, keep going to the meetings you can make it to, and don't drink.
3 fifths of vodka in a day and 15 hits of acid are astronomical amounts. You are lucky to be alive. And, you should probably consider detox. I'm not sure of your means, but if you have insurance, I've heard good things of Bethesda Norths program (in/outpatient), and the Lindner Center, in Mason. If not, I know there are other resources and programs around. But, you have to want it; to want to get sober and to want to live. I hope you do. You have my prayers, friend.
I'm glad you are here. I hope I'll see more of your posts, and can be of help to you. In the meantime, keep going to the meetings you can make it to, and don't drink.
3 fifths of vodka in a day and 15 hits of acid are astronomical amounts. You are lucky to be alive. And, you should probably consider detox. I'm not sure of your means, but if you have insurance, I've heard good things of Bethesda Norths program (in/outpatient), and the Lindner Center, in Mason. If not, I know there are other resources and programs around. But, you have to want it; to want to get sober and to want to live. I hope you do. You have my prayers, friend.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Those old people are a reflection of you in the future. Smoking and drinking affect our health and may not show up until several years later. Are you ready and willing to stop hurting yourself now?
There are several programs available, try searching them out. See a doctor and withdrawal safely. Work some kind of program of recovery. Drinking was a large part of our past, not drinking is only the beginning of a new life.
Whatever you do, do it well!
There are several programs available, try searching them out. See a doctor and withdrawal safely. Work some kind of program of recovery. Drinking was a large part of our past, not drinking is only the beginning of a new life.
Whatever you do, do it well!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 3
Thank you all for the responses... Today turned out to be a better day then I thought it would. Although I still had those depressing moments fighting back tears. I have not slept in 40 hours now and that sucks but I guess I am too tired to be sad right now 
. @ Tom, thank you I know the feeling of not remembering what I did, hurting the ones I love... And thank you too lofty.... All my drug use is astronomical.. I am sober today . Hopefully I am sober tomorrow! But yea.. today
. @ Tom, thank you I know the feeling of not remembering what I did, hurting the ones I love... And thank you too lofty.... All my drug use is astronomical.. I am sober today . Hopefully I am sober tomorrow! But yea.. today
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