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What would you say to a chronic relapser?

Old 04-30-2012, 09:05 PM
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:06 PM
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Hmmm... What would I say. Rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed the AA path as laid out in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. I'd almost say never because everyone I know who has done that, has recovered. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it (are you?) then you are ready to take certain steps (are you ready?).

If you are an alcoholic of my type, the meetings may keep you dry for a while, but the meetings, like your sponsor are only human, and the fact for me is that I was beyond human aid. I had to find a power greater than myself to solve my problem - this is the spiritual solution to alcoholism, and the way to do that is take the steps, quickly and thoroughly with a sponsor who has also taken the steps.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:39 PM
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I'm a chronic relapser...I know that I need to quit, but I really don't want to. I would honestly enjoy drinking my life away if i could. I need to want to quit and maybe you do too. Who are we fooling anyway?
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:59 PM
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I was one big walking relapse. I don't think anyone could have said anything to me that would have been all that useful. I had to want to quit drinking bad enough to commit to a life of recovery and all the lifestyle changes that came with that.
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Old 04-30-2012, 10:08 PM
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Originally Posted by RyanRyan View Post
I'm a chronic relapser...I know that I need to quit, but I really don't want to.
Think about this Ryan....I used to think that I didn't want to quit too...You know what was holding me back?....Fear...I was scared I'd fail....Again. I was scared I'd succeed....Then what would I do? Live without the only thing in my life I was good at?....It was pure fear that kept me drinking...Then I got to the point that the fear of dying was greater than the fear of quitting...That's when I dragged my ass through the doors of AA...And I was terrified.....And I haven't had a drink since.
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Old 04-30-2012, 10:28 PM
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Sapling you are so right. I've even said that myself, drinking...it's the only thing I'm truly good and that's sad and also not true, it's just easy. When I hit 10 days I got scared. I started seeing a different person and it scared the #### out of me. I used dumb excuses to fail this month. Like when my next door neighbor showed up with a beer just to chat. If I quit what would I do then. I'm not gonna say no and look like a fool or tell him sorry but I'm an alky and can't drink cuz I'll end up passed out again. Who would do that? It's like I was too scared to admit that I have a problem to others...that really scares me. I appreciate your words Sap!
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Old 05-01-2012, 03:08 AM
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Obstacle...something that impedes progress or achievement

I always liked this line about fear I heard a guy in a meeting say....Fear is just an obstacle we put in front of something to keep us from rationalising it....Once I removed those obstacles in front of quitting....Failing...See...He can't do it!....Succeeding....I won't have any friends...Life will be boring.....What will I do with all that spare time?...Will people like me if I'm not drunk?...Once I got all that bulls!t out of the way...I could go about the business of quitting for good.
Now I could rationalise this serious problem I had....I had to quit...And never drink again. I'm an alkie but I'm not a dumb person.....I'm going to take the path that I see the most people having success with. There are a lot of ways people quit for good and I applaud them all....I want the one that works for the most people for the longest periods of time. That happened to be Alocholics Anonymous. I need to go to a meeting. Here comes Fear with a capitol F. What if I walk in there and people laugh or sneer at me because I'm an alcoholic?....What if I know somebody?....What if I'm too stupid to make it work?...I've screwed up everything else in my life....More obstacles...I didn't have alcohol to remove them...All my life I used alcohol to remove the obstacles in my way....I had removed obstacles with the worse obstacle out there...Alcohol. The only way to remove them was to do it....So I went...More bullsh!t....None of those things that I feared happened...All of a sudden...I'm openminded...I'm thinking with no obstacles in front of me. I listened....I tried things I thought would never work...But it worked for others...Why not me?...And these nice people helped me do it. And I'll be damned if it didn't work. The one thing that did more damage and scared me more than anything in my life...Was gone.....And for once....Basically since I was a little kid...I'm happy.

I wish you the best Ryan....With changing your life...It can be amazing.
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Old 05-01-2012, 04:26 AM
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I say this: What is your plan for continuing to use alcohol?

Any answer that starts off with I want to, or I need to, or I should, or even I must is not going to work, it is just not enough.

The plan that starts with the words I will is what is needed.
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Old 05-01-2012, 04:33 AM
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:10 AM
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I guess I'd say what I told myself.

"Sober life is undeniably better than drinking life. If you're not enjoying sober life, you're doing it wrong."
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:43 AM
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Try something new.

I had a lot of relapses and I would always run to 12-step meetings. But for me, that was the easy, soft way. I wanted someone to tell me how to become whole. It took me a long time to admit that I needed one-on-one help, that I needed encouragement, and that I needed to be able to be completely honest with at least one other person.

For me, I had to walk away from the 12-step model and really commit to therapy. I had to dig deeper and more actively into understanding my behavior. Even my shrink was not sure since he had recovered in a 12-step program, but he saw that for me the program had become counterproductive. He just did not know what else would help me.

Then slowly, things changed. It was like waking up.

Since the approach I was taking to recovery was not working (after many, many, many years), I had to actively try to find my own path. Honesty, service to others, connection to something larger than myself, and rigorous self-examination are the core of my recovery. I had to try something new and find these principles for myself.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:54 AM
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What would you say to a chronic relapser?
................................Keep Drinkin................................
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
Obstacle...something that impedes progress or achievement

I always liked this line about fear I heard a guy in a meeting say....Fear is just an obstacle we put in front of something to keep us from rationalising it....Once I removed those obstacles in front of quitting....Failing...See...He can't do it!....Succeeding....I won't have any friends...Life will be boring.....What will I do with all that spare time?...Will people like me if I'm not drunk?...Once I got all that bulls!t out of the way...I could go about the business of quitting for good.
Now I could rationalise this serious problem I had....I had to quit...And never drink again. I'm an alkie but I'm not a dumb person.....I'm going to take the path that I see the most people having success with. There are a lot of ways people quit for good and I applaud them all....I want the one that works for the most people for the longest periods of time. That happened to be Alocholics Anonymous. I need to go to a meeting. Here comes Fear with a capitol F. What if I walk in there and people laugh or sneer at me because I'm an alcoholic?....What if I know somebody?....What if I'm too stupid to make it work?...I've screwed up everything else in my life....More obstacles...I didn't have alcohol to remove them...All my life I used alcohol to remove the obstacles in my way....I had removed obstacles with the worse obstacle out there...Alcohol. The only way to remove them was to do it....So I went...More bullsh!t....None of those things that I feared happened...All of a sudden...I'm openminded...I'm thinking with no obstacles in front of me. I listened....I tried things I thought would never work...But it worked for others...Why not me?...And these nice people helped me do it. And I'll be damned if it didn't work. The one thing that did more damage and scared me more than anything in my life...Was gone.....And for once....Basically since I was a little kid...I'm happy.

I wish you the best Ryan....With changing your life...It can be amazing.
Spaling... your post made me remove an obestacle today of a small struggle that could have become a big one.. thank you
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:50 AM
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I was a chronic relapser and I listened when my friends and counselor told me not to give up - to try again until I 'got it'. So I kept trying and now I've got over two years sober! NEVER GIVE UP!
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Old 05-01-2012, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by miamifella View Post
Honesty, service to others, connection to something larger than myself, and rigorous self-examination are the core of my recovery.
That's the 12 steps in a nutshell.
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:01 PM
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Same as Least, I thought I'd NEVER get it but kept trying and coming up to two and a half years sober.

I personally found relapse prevention strategies helpful, hope this isn't a plug but I found Terence Gorski's writings useful, there are some excerpts online.

Finally realized also I couldn't do this on my own, got myself a counsellor I could talk to and gain some objectivity when my thinking was going astray.

There's that thing they say - insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results? That's where I was at.
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Old 05-01-2012, 08:51 PM
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I work with a guy. He has every reason to get and stay clean and sober. He gets a few weeks up to a few months together then relapses, hard. He must stay clean to keep his career, but every time he gets things on track to re-enter his (well paid) line of work... Bang, he goes back out in a dangerous and catastrophic way. He may finally burn all his bridges and end up on the street.

I work with another guy, not his sponsor, but in a support role... Wears a suit and tie to work, got a couple of years together, got remarried, all that... Ends up in jail last month, super extreme DUI.

Both these guys relapse over and over. The consequences are huge.

I have emmense respect for this illness, malady, insanity... It's not a simple matter of wanting recovery, I honestly believe they want it. Their bottoms are low and hard.

I believe that they are, in fact, constitutionally unable to get honest with themselves, like there is this wall built up around them... They say the right things, go to meetings, therapy, all that... No significant mental issues that I can see... But they never have that light in their eyes you see in someone recovered and speaking from their heart. They talk the talk.

I truly believe that until they can see that life will get better, not how, not what they think, but to just trust that it will... To build on whatever glimmer of hope that flickers and go with whatever life brings... They will not recover.

What are they afraid of?
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:39 PM
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I have a friend exactly like that Mark...Great guy...Get's a few months...Bang...There he goes.....Been doing that for 10 years.....Won't do his fourth step. I was talking to him after a meeting one day and I told him..."You're constitutionally incapable of getting honest with yourself"...And he looked at me and just said..."I know." Maybe one more trip to jail or waking up on the streets one more time will do it for him....I don't know.
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:05 PM
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I would say this:

"You already know what life is like WITH alcohol in your life. You already know where THIS road leads. ...

Why not see what your life is like without alcohol? Why not find out where THAT road leads?...

What if it leads to a place more wonderful then you can imagine, and you never even bothered to find out?"

That is what I told myself and what I told others as to why I was stopping drinking. It worked / works for me.
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:07 PM
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I would also say: "What are you going to do differently?" Because when that was said to me (on SR) it really made a huge difference.
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