Too young to have such a strong destructive addiction
 

Hola Amigos!

Obviously I'm here because I need help. I'm a 25 year old single woman. Successfull in life so far, college graduate, successfull career, nice home, nice cars, nice everything. Except for the demon inside me. Behind all of this cover up of smiles, and everything is ok additude-- everything is NOT ok.

I had my first drink when I was 14, haven't stopped since. Did my parents approve, hell no.... they belittle me and berate me and scold me for my behavior. But what do I do, I walk away slowly with my built up rage and take it out on the bottle. I drink alot at home, alone. I'd rather drink alone than make a fool of myself by binge drinking in front of my friends. I litterally stopped going out with my friends because I was afraid of how I would act, the fear that I wouldn't be able to control myself. Then I would talk myself into going out and putting a strict drinking limit... did it work... no. I knew and my friends knew that I couldn't handle myself and thus began to lose them one by one.

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. My drinking more than his created 90% of our problems. I was the reason for most of the arguments, "why do you drink so much?", "why do you get like that?", "why?" I can't say why, all I know is that I felt a void inside, I didn't feel pretty enough, not funny enough, not out going enough. I depended on the alcohol to bring out the other side of me. That other side of me is an alter ego who runs herself of whom I have no control over. Its scary. "your a different person when you drink." Damn right I am, and its not a good different, depends who's perception it is. Im a drunks best friend and a sober persons nightmare.

It took me years of denial to finally admit. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! I'm scared... seriously... I'm terrified. I wake up with no recollection of the night before, how stupid I made myself look, or how the hell I drove home. My drinking got so bad that I've ended up in a hospital once, totaled my car, another time my breathing became irregular, shaking, aches, you name it --withdrawl to the worst degree. Did that stop me... for a couple days it did at least. Than the sense of guilt and embaressment set in and I head straight to the bottle to kill those emotions. I thought that I would taper off my habits with age. I have become more mature, but with maturity comes my misconception of socal drinking and HAVING to have a drink at social gatherings.

So fast forward to the present. What realization have I had that FINALLY has pushed me over the edge to where now have decided to take more aggressive steps dispite living through every negative result of addiction since the age of 14?

The fact that its a problem and its progressively been getting worse. That and I have a pain in my bottom right side underneath my ribs. Obviously, alone I have attempted hundreds of times to stop and have always relapsed. My mind is too young to waste to this disease. I put the bottle down April 23, 2012. I think about drinking constantly. I went to the store today to buy tea to calm my anxiety, and I passed by the liquor aisle a couple times... and here comes that little voice--Hey!! just one more, and my alter ego fighting to pull me towards the alcohol. I walk away... buy my tea and come home. Any other person not facing the demon of addiction may think its all in my head or that this is crazy.... no.... Its alcoholism and it does not discriminate.

So I find my self on this site searching for support. It helps to know I'm not alone. Cheers to a new start! --> with orange juice of course :)

well if you commit to stopping drinking, then 90% of your problems will go away, keep reading here, you'll find tons of support, welcome to SR youngmind

Welcome youngmind!

Age doesn't seem to matter when it comes to alcoholism..... Back in the "old days" (when I grew up - ha!), there were no treatment centers - there just wasn't much awareness or education. It's great to see that it's changing now - the sooner we get sober, the better!

I became a solitary drinker, too, and found myself planning things around my drinking. Thinking about getting sober terrified me, but I found this place and a little hope started seeping in. I don't think I even realize how miserable I was until I got sober. I'm glad you reached out today - we're here to support you!:ghug3

Welcome to SR YoungMind.

I can totally relate to your post 110%. I too, am 25 years old, have everything I want and need, only get the best of the best, etc.
I can also relate to the fights that you had with your ex whilst drinking - fortunately my relationship isn't abusive and the bf is very supportive.

Like Dan mentioned, once you quit drinking, your problems will cease.
When I quit and was sober for just under 2 weeks I didn't fight with the boyfriend at all. I finally opened my eyes and realized what is important in life and it doesn't involve alcohol. Of course it is trial and error (as I did drink last night) and I do know how difficult it is to ignore your beast but it is possible.
Are you going to AA or working something else like AVRT?

Congratulations on 7 days of sobriety (I think I counted that right, lol!).
And vent away on here as well...ArtSoul said it well; we are here to support. :)

It's really a breath of fresh air... I do appreciate the honesty and open arms... I am not on any program or attend any meetings but I am open minded... I don't know how this works :( by being sober does that mean not even 1 drink!!! Smh. Dumb question but honestly that's on repeat in my head.

It's probably been proven millions of times, that just one drink will never work, probably a thousand of those times was me alone..

Welcome aboard...If you're like me...One drink means 15....I can't remember ever having one drink.

only if there was just one drink left in the fridge and you were too drunk to go get more.

Saddly I agree. I do this to myself all the time. I know the answer, but I can't face the truth...

For me...Getting honest with myself was the first thing I had to do....I rode that denial wave for way too long.

Youngmind, take an interest in yourself and your recovery. There are many many options to quit the booze. I find that AA, and a relationship with a Higher Power of my understanding work best for me. If you dont take that first drink, you wont get drunk. Choosing the sober life, was by far the best decision I ever made. Best wishes to you.

welcome youngmind. I too am close to your age - 26 - only on day 10 now, so new to this too. Hope you find this place as useful as I have so far!

I'm definatley taking in all the positive feed back and read other posts. I know there is a way out of this. And the fact that I'm not alone is helpful. No booze in my cabinet or late night... just one more drink so I can go to bed. Life is short, but youth is even shorter. And hiding in my home with the bottle isn't the way to enjoy life. Sigh....

Addiction is stronger than the mind. I understand why it is called a disease because like meningitis, it physically attacks the brain, but instead of infecting it, your psyche is literally switched around.

While it isn't an excuse, realize you are sick and you need help. We are here to help anytime, but you may need to go further than that if you truly feel the need to change your life.

Hi youngmind. I'm 31 and i too got to the point of not even knowing who i was with or without the drink. I'm 54 days sober which is my longest period of sobriety since i realized that i have a problem. So far, AA and turning my problems over to a Higher Power have really helped. I'm spiritual, not religious, and AA hasn't been preachy or off putting to me. Medication and therapy are also helping. Remember that when you were drinking you would do whatever it took to drink so in recovery do whatever it takes to maintain sobriety. Utilize every tool out there. Therapy, medications, groups, SR, journaling, meditation, exercise...anything. go out of your way for sobriety! Good luck and welcome to the fold.

Loudog430.....It is a disease. Never thought of it like that. That explains a lot. My mind has been racing all day. I put juice in the cabinet... :/ I wondered in circles looking for my keys that I had in my hand... The whole time I'm thinking stay busy... Stay busy.... I was dying to run and get a bottle!!!!!

I got sober just short of my 18th birthday. I would of never made it to 25 if I'd of kept drinking. Realizing you have a problem is a beginning. Stopping that problem is the challenge. I couldn't do it on my own. Lucky for me the courts dents me to AA, then rehab. Alcoholism is one of those diseases that doesn't go away. Drinking alcohol is just one of the symptoms. If you want to stop, pick one of the methods and give an honest effort.

Hey youngmind!! Welcome to the site!! It was a pleasure to read your story... not because of the bad stuff in it but because of all the good that's in there too! You have come to terms with a major problem that many people ignore until it kills them! While giving up alcohol is by no means easy to do... it can be done as many people here will attest to. For me coming up with a plan and getting others involved with my recovery has been very important! I look forward to reading more posts from you soon!

Welcome......and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for -- along with a whole lot of helpful stuff you didn't know you needed to know! ;)

I never fared well for long when fighting that voice. For me, encouragement and so forth didn't = success. AA was/is a big help in that area......especially if you find you can't or won't likely fight it for long.

Welcome to SR youngmind :)

It's great that you're doing something about this now. I'm 30 and I remember having a book about alcoholism around 25 and not doing anything about it :(

This is a great place for support and information x