Zookeeper79

Hello,

I've tried quitting a million times but I always slip back. I get in these really dark moods that nothing can snap me out of. These moods are unbearable and may be attributed to bipolar/depression. Anyway my quick fix is beer. I have decided my mental state is out of my control so I feel helpless. Drinking is the only thing that provides relief, comfort and a sense of well being. Not sure what to do. Any feedback would be appreciated.

-zoo

Praise7

in patient until you get past and learn how to work through the darkness

instant

In the end I found that running from discomfort brought me more discomfort and led me deeper into the struggle. My moods, emotions and reactions were all over the place for six months when I stopped drinking. I was in a place however where I no longer wanted alcohol as part of my life, whatever I had left of it. In retrospect my addiction went to the core of my being and withdrawing from alcohol takes a long time and left me raw.

Alcohol is not as far as I am aware a medically recognised treatment for emotional disorders. Seeing a professional may help you.

I am nearly 12 months and only recently am I thinking I can now truly experience what being relaxed and having periods of joy is like.

It takes what it takes.

MWarren

Hello Zoo,

For what it's worth, you're not alone. My emotions are all over the place. I'm either crying or raging. There's this electricity running through me that is driving me mad.

I read some posts last night and two things stayed with me.
Be kind to yourself and
I won't allow anything to come between me and my sobriety.

I keep repeating them over and over, and it give me courage to get through the next hour.

Best of luck!! Hang in there, I'm hanging right beside you!

Zookeeper79

Thanks for the feedback. I just made it a month and a half without drinking. When I broke down you would have had to physically restrain me to prevent me from getting more.

Sapling

For me...Those dark moods and depression you mention....Was all that alcohol provided me. You might be surprised if you cut it out of your life.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

I found eventually that alcohol actually exacerbated the moods.

Alcohol may work for a time but it's a very poor mood stabiliser zookeeper, and it will stop working...and bring a lot more problems into your life than it solves..

My advice is to see a medical professional about your depression.

D

Zookeeper79

I'm in such despair that I don't think any words of encouragement will help me. Just very sad.

Sapling

It's not a great place to be...I think most of us have been there...You know what's causing the problem...What you have been trying hasn't been working...How about trying something else?

TigerLili

I think most of us felt that way when we reached our rock bottoms. Definiely go see a dr and find out how much of your dark moods ARE in your control. Appropriate medication and therapy makes a world of diffrence to mine. I no longer get the terrible, suicidal lows I used to routinely get while I was drinking, before I discovered recovery and sobriety.

sugarbear1

I'm confused. You have a month and a half, but somehow don't know how to stay stopped. What's really going on?

Taking5

I'm with Dee, time to see your Dr.

Zookeeper79

I fell off the wagon...again. Thanks guys and gals.

john44

I feel exactly like you. You are not alone.

Sapling

There are ways out of this...Takes a little effort...But it's worth it. How does a new life sound to you?

artsoul

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Zookeeper. Have you been getting any treatment for your bipolar disorder? Alcohol is only going to make any mood disorder harder to handle - it made my depression 100 times worse.

This place has been a huge help to me - we all need support from people who understand. Keep reading and posting!:ghug3

Zookeeper79

No treatment so far. A psychiatrist tried putting me on some new form of lithium called Abilify but I'm not interested in a pill everyday. Plus, I don't know what the long term side effects could be.

On another note, I had horrible withdrawals last night. Sweat buckets. Feel like ramming my head through the drywall. I have no patience at all with the wife and kids. Seems like I could lose it over very small things. Barely keeping it together at this point.

sugarbear1

pills and alcohol don't mix. try staying stopped from drinking and see how life is. return to that psychiatrist and try to work out a plan for your sanity.

I wish you well,

hypochondriac

What's your drinking history Zookeeper? I'm currently trying an experiment to see if the majority of my depression problems were actually caused by alcohol. It's a long term project but I have been drinking everyday from a young age so I think it needs a good few years to test it. If you haven't been drinking everyday then you probably will need to get some help managing the depression/bipolar issues but alcohol generally makes everything worse.

I really feel for your situation, it's not a nice place to be and it's very difficult to see a way out when you're there. The key is to stop drinking and get as much help as possible staying that way and then you can work on everything else in a more productive way than drinking.

Glad you're here x

Sometime

Is it so much hassle to take one pill every day if it's going to cure your bipolar/depression?

Pills are thoroughly tested to be safe before before being available to the general public (by prescription). That includes long term side effects. Why don't you take it and see how it affects you individually rather than reject it?

I take an anti-depressant that was invented in the 1950's and is widely known for it's bad side effects. These include dry mouth, to the point where you get cavities later in life. Quite sever constipation, it's just hard stools, it's not that bad. Practically zero libido which means I hardly ever initiate but I still get aroused. All of this I'll gladly have for no depression without any hesitation. One pill a day is all it takes and it's saved my life.

What I'm trying to say is, with the utmost respect, is to re-think your view on medication and you might be pleasantly surprised at the impact it could have on your life. Good luck to you on your sobriety anyway!