Blowfish

Hi all. I'm on day four of total abstinence from cigarettes and alcohol and I'm really jonesing for both hardcore right now. I've been using the nicotine lozenge and an e-cig to help with that, but I've got the house to myself tonight and my AV is like - "go get a twelve pack and a pack of cigarettes and watch netflix!"

I know its completely ridiculous, for one thing I have to open the store in the morning. But this happens when I know there is no one around to judge me. I don't want a hangover. I don't wanna cave on cigarettes. I'm actually having a good time at work and throughout the day now. But damn if there isn't a part of me that just wants to blow it all.

Just kind of a rant that I needed to get off my chest. Been going off and on for a few months now and I want to hang in there now.
-Jesse

Dee74

I think the early part of recovery is the toughest...if you can remember why you're doing this and get through it, you'll find following weeks a lot easier....

Whatever dialogue you have going on in your head - the drinking plan needs you to make it happen - it needs your legs to go to the store, buy the beer and cigarettes, drive back, and your hands to open them, raise glass to lips, pull on another cigarette....

decide right now not to do that, Blowfish.

I used to spend days watching movies and drinking and smoking...now I just watch movies - the enjoyment is no less - it's actually more because I have no nasty after effects from a night of watching movies

D

suki44883

It's a good thing that you recognize the AV for what it is. Nothing but your addiction trying to trip you up. Don't give in. You are at a point where the rubber meets the road. What you do now determines how adamant you are about sobriety. You can beat that AV voice down by just not giving in. You are stronger than the AV. It is nothing but lies.

artsoul

There were times in the beginning when I had to set little goals - like staying sober for another hour. Reading on SR really helped, too...... nothing worse than sitting around with all those AV thoughts running through your head.

The cravings always pass. Think about how you want to feel in the morning. Get something to eat/snack on. The thoughts are going to come and go - it's how we react to them that matters. Listen to the sane part of you!

Blowfish

Thanks guys. Yep, its just the lizard brain screaming at me. I'm hanging in there. It's time for intelligence to prevail, and become less of a "need machine". These forums are a big help for me in times like these, and I really do appreciate you all.

ACT10Npack

What is AV?

suki44883

AV = addict/alcoholic voice

Blowfish

AV - Addictive Voice

Its the thoughts that we get in our minds that say "You need to drink/smoke/use now!" Its the enemy of recovery.

There is a program called Rational Recovery that helps to identify AV and how to deal with it.

Terminally Unique

You do realize that e-cigs and nicotine lozenges are just different delivery devices for nicotine, right? You may not be smoking cigarettes, but you have zero abstinence from nicotine. It is like switching from marijuana joints to a bong. At worst, you are keeping the addiction alive and well. At best, you are drawing out the withdrawal longer than you need to. Chinese water torture comes to mind.

Blowfish

Point well taken. However, as long as I'm not smoking I'm ok with that. Smoke causes damage. Nicotine does as well, but not on the same level. Not even close. Increased heart rate comes to mind.

I must say though, the real reason I am not smoking cigarettes is that I've found my drinking is directly related to my smoking. The two really do seem to feed each other in my experience, hence abstinence from cigarettes, as originally said.

Terminally Unique

I wasn't sure if you were using AVRT, or just using the lingo, but I responded to someone else who was being annoyed by the AV a couple days ago. Recognition is important, but you also need to maintain the separation.

See this post:

• Annoyed by the AV :

This older post is relevant as well:

• AV Chatter :

If you haven't done so already, I recommend that you read through the AVRT discussion thread in the secular connections forum from the beginning. It may clarify some nuances for you.

OCDDan

If you think about drinking long enough, your AV will put the keys in your hand, walk you to your car, and then drive you to the store. Someone here on SR told me that (in so many words), try to think about something else if you can.

Scolova

I switched to vaping nicotine back in Nov. 2010, I should've quit completely, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't believe that nicotine is the worst part of smoking cigarettes and still buy a pack every now and then, but there is no doubt that alcohol is the route of death in the drink. I don't feel the need to chain smoke cigarettes like I once did and I don't; wake in the middle of the night gasping for breath, coughing morning-noon-night nor have the smoker's-stench.
I have think of quitting alcohol as (not completely, but) different, the thing I crave, at it's core will kill me. Maybe nicotine will be the death of me one of these years or maybe I will finally snuff it out all together, but for now cessation from the smoke will have to do.
Wish you the best Blowfish... I've gone through many trying times (as with most of us) dealing with the voice's attempts; the optimist, the pessimist & the opportunist. Takes time, but rejecting it quickly and sternly and moving on to something else has helped me the best.

Blowfish

Thanks for all the support. The beast has retreated once again
I have done the crash course on AVRT and believe that I understand it pretty well, but yeah I suppose I am essentially just using the lingo at this point. Either way it is helping to personify the urge so I can deal with it.

On a sort of side note. are there any Marc Maron fans here? I listen to his podcast and have followed his stand up comedy for years. He talks openly about his sobriety sometimes, which I find encouraging. He is 16 years sober and hasn't smoked a cigarette in a decade. He does however still use the nicotine lozenge, and he is the reason I decided to try it. I only knew about the gum before hearing him talk about the lozenge, and I honestly have tried and didn't like the gum.

Don't get me wrong, I don't wanna still be sucking on nicotine candy 10 years from now, but if it means I'm not smoking (and by extension not drinking) then it is still better imo.

Terminally Unique

The free AVRT crash course is 28 flash cards and takes 15 minutes to go through, but the book, at over 300 pages, is far more comprehensive. I recommend you get yourself a copy and read it. It you buy a used copy, it will cost you less than pack of cigarettes, even with shipping. Purplecatlover posted about this last week.

• The RR book :
  
  
• These threads are great, but...

Blowfish

Thank you, TU. I will definitely get the book and read it.

Terminally Unique

The addictive voice is just words and images in your head. As Dee pointed out, it can't move arms and feet, much less drive a car to the liquor store. If you make the mistake of getting into a debate with the AV, it might convince you to do such a thing, but it would still be you doing the driving.

Scolova

I need to finally put a copy of AVRT, plus 'Under the Influence' in my cart on amazon, been putting that off for almost a year.

(side note) Just watched one of his videos on youtube - Marc Maron -Cracker Highlights (2008) Pt.1 - YouTube, ironically it's on GuinnessTV channel there. :-\
Thanks, I've seen him before but didn't catch his name.

OCDDan

I should have read his post a little more carefully because i never would have counterdicted Dee, sorry about that Dee. I didn't really mean the AV could actually do those things, it just tells you to do them, but i guess i thought that's a given.

Dee74

No worries Dan - the AV is not exactly my concept so I don't feel contradicted by someones interpretation of the AV

D