How come i cant quit ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: san diego
Posts: 1
How come i cant quit ?
To the newcomer
I am writing to the newcomer now so, this is to you. I started my career in drugs and alcohol back in 1980- (a career of destruction ) drug use and alcohol use. I will use drugs because alcohol is a drug to be straight. My story is horrendous, you probably would not believe it if I told you, and all I will say about it is, I should be put in a locked ward forever for my behavior. I want to tell you that the most important thing you can do if you are new is to get a sponsor, someone you can trust. Here is where my issue comes in with AA in general. You will be told, hurry up and get a sponsor, work the steps and go to meetings. That is all fine and dandy, but do not rush with a sponsor. Get a temp sponsor, while you are looking around. my point is- if you do not trust them, you will not listen to them, and if your not going to take some direction, then your wasting your time. Ideally, you find someone who is ethical, like you to the point you have other outside interests like fishing, and you look up to that person, that they are congruent. You are about to get on a journey that is going to blow your mind- ( in a positive way ) and you do not want to flying without a pilot. If you are a real alcoholic, addict, then you will need a “clear head” to bounce ideas off of- especially in the beginning. I will say, I rushed into it and grabbed the first guy who I though would be right because he was big and loved fishing. Well, I found out a month later that he just got out of the psych ward 3 months ago and he is actively psychotic. So here I am, soaking wet behind the ears, on the edge of death and relying upon a psychotic sexual deviant man who was lying and was not sober at all. That is rare- but the point remains, be careful who you connect with and never ever believe that that person can help you with finances or jobs or anything else. All they do is share thier experience strength and hope, and direction for you. I do not want to scare folks- just want them to think about who they are going to to get help. If you watch someone for a couple of weeks, talk to others, you will get a reasonable feel for that person. They do not have to be perfect either. Just good sobriety, not nessessary long either. Many will say you need a sponsor with 10 years. Wrong. I have seen people with 2 years more effective than with 30 years. One last thing. If your sponsor does not let you talk, if they are the ones who never shut up, have to tell you what to do and do not spend more time LISTENING, than talking, then you may want to find someone else. Too many alkies cant shut their piehole and all they want to do is brag and talk. New members need someone to listen to them. Find someone who will listen.
Never forget, your not a bad person trying to get good, you are a sick person trying to get well..... I will promise you this, if you work the program, do the steps, you will be a different person having done them. That is a fact. I tell my sponsees to try step 11 right away, start practicing that one now... Also, dont read the first 164 pages of the big book, read the stories first, find someone in the back of the book that you can say- “thats me”, try that one.
Sobriety is good and you deserve it. Welcome to the world of recovery, it is the best ride youll ever take and the destination is - well, why dont you just do the steps and then you tell me where you ended up? Ok?
I am writing to the newcomer now so, this is to you. I started my career in drugs and alcohol back in 1980- (a career of destruction ) drug use and alcohol use. I will use drugs because alcohol is a drug to be straight. My story is horrendous, you probably would not believe it if I told you, and all I will say about it is, I should be put in a locked ward forever for my behavior. I want to tell you that the most important thing you can do if you are new is to get a sponsor, someone you can trust. Here is where my issue comes in with AA in general. You will be told, hurry up and get a sponsor, work the steps and go to meetings. That is all fine and dandy, but do not rush with a sponsor. Get a temp sponsor, while you are looking around. my point is- if you do not trust them, you will not listen to them, and if your not going to take some direction, then your wasting your time. Ideally, you find someone who is ethical, like you to the point you have other outside interests like fishing, and you look up to that person, that they are congruent. You are about to get on a journey that is going to blow your mind- ( in a positive way ) and you do not want to flying without a pilot. If you are a real alcoholic, addict, then you will need a “clear head” to bounce ideas off of- especially in the beginning. I will say, I rushed into it and grabbed the first guy who I though would be right because he was big and loved fishing. Well, I found out a month later that he just got out of the psych ward 3 months ago and he is actively psychotic. So here I am, soaking wet behind the ears, on the edge of death and relying upon a psychotic sexual deviant man who was lying and was not sober at all. That is rare- but the point remains, be careful who you connect with and never ever believe that that person can help you with finances or jobs or anything else. All they do is share thier experience strength and hope, and direction for you. I do not want to scare folks- just want them to think about who they are going to to get help. If you watch someone for a couple of weeks, talk to others, you will get a reasonable feel for that person. They do not have to be perfect either. Just good sobriety, not nessessary long either. Many will say you need a sponsor with 10 years. Wrong. I have seen people with 2 years more effective than with 30 years. One last thing. If your sponsor does not let you talk, if they are the ones who never shut up, have to tell you what to do and do not spend more time LISTENING, than talking, then you may want to find someone else. Too many alkies cant shut their piehole and all they want to do is brag and talk. New members need someone to listen to them. Find someone who will listen.
Never forget, your not a bad person trying to get good, you are a sick person trying to get well..... I will promise you this, if you work the program, do the steps, you will be a different person having done them. That is a fact. I tell my sponsees to try step 11 right away, start practicing that one now... Also, dont read the first 164 pages of the big book, read the stories first, find someone in the back of the book that you can say- “thats me”, try that one.
Sobriety is good and you deserve it. Welcome to the world of recovery, it is the best ride youll ever take and the destination is - well, why dont you just do the steps and then you tell me where you ended up? Ok?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Great post....I do agree that speaking with others that have been around about who you are considering as a sponsor first is key...It could have saved you from the fruitcake you ended up with. Welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Johnny - deep and profound analysis of the sponsor process. I only say this next part in jest and not to minimize the magnitude of your point. Thinking about your psychotic sponsor, I'm reminded of the movies where the crazy psych ward patient tries to pretend he's a doctor to visitors, that everybody seems to believe until the orderly says "ok tom, time for your medication"..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I saw a guy that talked about the Book and the Steps...And I still asked three or four other people about him....Nothing bad said...I asked him to be my temp sponsor...It worked out and he's my sponsor today.
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