Will you think about it forever?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 221
Originally Posted by Pigtails 
I guess I'm the only one who still struggles with cravings and with thinking about alcohol.
Not all the time, but sometimes. And I get what you mean about obsessing about NOT drinking. I feel that I am either thinking about drinking, or thinking about not drinking/recovery/sobriety, all the time. To be honest with you, I start to get really tired of it and other times it really scares me, like I start to think I'm seriously crazy.
Reading everyone saying how it's so easy for them now makes me feel especially crazy. I know drinking isn't an option but I feel like a freak of nature for having these thoughts and not being able to deal with them. When I go to AA and try to work the steps, it does get better, but to me that is still thinking/obsessing about NOT drinking. I just wish I could be normal and not have to have alcohol affect me this way, or not be crazy, or whatever.
It seems to me that people who are here posting on SR are either thinking about drinking, or not drinking. Like, the people who come here and post about recovery are still thinking about NOT drinking, when they post. They do this instead of drinking. This helps them, and/or helping others helps them, and I get that and am glad that they are here, but honestly I wish *I* didn't have to be here, I wish I could just go about my life and not have to think about alcohol in any context at all!
Maybe it's just where I'm at right now. Sometimes I feel great but other times it's quite depressing. (And I've been having some stressful times in general so that probably has to do with it). I'm not trying to depress you, just share and honestly answer your question. I am definitely not trying to discourage you away from sobriety, because drinking is certainly not the answer, but, I don't know what is, honestly. I have tried therapy, not drinking on my own, not drinking as part of AA, and I guess it's just something I will always have to deal with, either thinking about drinking, or thinking about not drinking, maybe forever like you ask. But at least I'm not drinking. :-/ I guess I just have a really obsessive personality.
Not all the time, but sometimes. And I get what you mean about obsessing about NOT drinking. I feel that I am either thinking about drinking, or thinking about not drinking/recovery/sobriety, all the time. To be honest with you, I start to get really tired of it and other times it really scares me, like I start to think I'm seriously crazy.
Reading everyone saying how it's so easy for them now makes me feel especially crazy. I know drinking isn't an option but I feel like a freak of nature for having these thoughts and not being able to deal with them. When I go to AA and try to work the steps, it does get better, but to me that is still thinking/obsessing about NOT drinking. I just wish I could be normal and not have to have alcohol affect me this way, or not be crazy, or whatever.
It seems to me that people who are here posting on SR are either thinking about drinking, or not drinking. Like, the people who come here and post about recovery are still thinking about NOT drinking, when they post. They do this instead of drinking. This helps them, and/or helping others helps them, and I get that and am glad that they are here, but honestly I wish *I* didn't have to be here, I wish I could just go about my life and not have to think about alcohol in any context at all!
Maybe it's just where I'm at right now. Sometimes I feel great but other times it's quite depressing. (And I've been having some stressful times in general so that probably has to do with it). I'm not trying to depress you, just share and honestly answer your question. I am definitely not trying to discourage you away from sobriety, because drinking is certainly not the answer, but, I don't know what is, honestly. I have tried therapy, not drinking on my own, not drinking as part of AA, and I guess it's just something I will always have to deal with, either thinking about drinking, or thinking about not drinking, maybe forever like you ask. But at least I'm not drinking. :-/ I guess I just have a really obsessive personality.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks for explaining Anna. I am one of the ones whose problems/issues definitely don't go away once I stop drinking... in some ways they seem more amplified. I do want to look at my recovery as an overall change in my life/lifestyle but so far sometimes it is just a struggle to not drink and stay focused on the task at hand. I'm not saying they're "cravings" per se... I don't even really know what that means... like, I rarely think "I want/need a drink right now," nor do I really sit and reminisce/fantasize about the smell or taste of alcohol etc. There is definitely an aspect of having known a life of being the "party girl" and always escaping my feelings/myself by going out and drinking, and so it's quite a change to stay at home or not do those things, and I think sometimes it's about mourning old habits/things I thought I wanted/who I thought I was. But what it often is is this feeling that I am just crazy, and nothing will make me not crazy, so why not drink to get away from those thoughts?! But then I think it through and realize that drinking just made my problems worse, not better, and that it's not a healthy way to deal with things, so I just have all these crazy thoughts and nothing to do with them. It's not that I want to drink but more that I wonder what I *do* want or if I will ever feel satisfied.
I apologize for I fear I'm not making the most sense today. I'm rambly. And I don't mean to hijack Bayliss's thread. I just want to get to this place of contentment that I hear about and sometimes I have it but other times I'm even more all over the place. I want it to be about a new life rather than just not drinking but I do still obsess about the alcohol (or lack thereof) part of it.
I apologize for I fear I'm not making the most sense today. I'm rambly. And I don't mean to hijack Bayliss's thread. I just want to get to this place of contentment that I hear about and sometimes I have it but other times I'm even more all over the place. I want it to be about a new life rather than just not drinking but I do still obsess about the alcohol (or lack thereof) part of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Dispatches
I know a lot of people from intensive outpatient and meetings that constantly have cravings. I had cravings as soon as I was discharged from rehab, hell I relapsed the day after. The fact that I haven't had cravings for a week is a blessing. I dunno why I haven't, and I know for a fact that the obsession will be back at some point. I'm 3 weeks sober and still very early in recovery, maybe I'm just embracing how it feels to be sober and that's why?
Congrats on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
PigTails, have you read the AA "promises"? They do come to pass.
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
The Spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
All the best.
Bob R
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
The Spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
PigTails, have you read the AA "promises"? They do come to pass.
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
The Spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
All the best.
Bob R
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
The Spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
All the best.
Bob R
Thanks for posting.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I'm not an AAer but I actually love the promises....well parts of them. Many of these things happened for me when I gave up alcohol for good.
Yep
Yep
My favorite....yep!
Nope. Not for me. I was doing for myself what I could do all along, but just didn't know it.
Anyone, even nonbelievers and nonAAers, can realize the beauty of these things in their lives when they leave alcohol behind forever.
We are going to know a new freedom...We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Anyone, even nonbelievers and nonAAers, can realize the beauty of these things in their lives when they leave alcohol behind forever.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 221
Originally Posted by Pigtails
Yeah, for quite awhile I was mainly happy to be sober, and excited to be embarking on something new, but then I fear that wears off and now that it's not "new" or "different," it's not exciting anymore and then I'm stuck with my same old self. I mean I do still have periods of happiness and amazement at how great life can be sober. And overall I know that things are so much better for me sober. But I definitely still obsess about not drinking, or think maybe one day I can drink "normally," and then remind myself that I can't etc... it gets exhausting. :-/
Congrats on your sobriety.
Congrats on your sobriety.
I'm anxious to face that, I know the honeymoon will be over soon. I wonder how I will feel in a few weeks/months. Working the 4th step I think will be a tough time, but I feel like I'm ready for it.
I have a battle going on in my head every now and then. I say to myself "maybe I don't need to work this program anymore, and maybe I can just drink and smoke weed socially" Neither were my d.o.c but I often used them at parties. I didn't think about it until recently, but I realize I have to give up partying, and I really don't want to. I was pretty isolated the last couple years but if I drank I would go out.
I went through a long W/D from opiates and during the really tough times I would fantasize that I was going to go use to get some relief from the W/D. It was risky but I swear it made me feel better.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by Anna
Actually, for me, recovery has nothing to do with 'not drinking' anymore.
Recovery is a term I would use to express how I live my life.
Recovery is staying in the day, putting aside my ego, listening to my soul (my inner voice) and following the path it's encouraging me to choose. Recovery is about being kind and compassionate to the people I meet on a daily basis, and trying to let go of frustrations and upsets and move on.
So, I am not thinking about 'not drinking'. I am thinking about how I want to live my life, to live the best life I can.
The reason I continue to come to SR is because reading the posts here helps me to keep my life balanced and on track. I hope that once in a while I can help someone here, because helping others is a gift of recovery to me.
Recovery is a term I would use to express how I live my life.
Recovery is staying in the day, putting aside my ego, listening to my soul (my inner voice) and following the path it's encouraging me to choose. Recovery is about being kind and compassionate to the people I meet on a daily basis, and trying to let go of frustrations and upsets and move on.
So, I am not thinking about 'not drinking'. I am thinking about how I want to live my life, to live the best life I can.
The reason I continue to come to SR is because reading the posts here helps me to keep my life balanced and on track. I hope that once in a while I can help someone here, because helping others is a gift of recovery to me.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by Anna
Actually, for me, recovery has nothing to do with 'not drinking' anymore.
Recovery is a term I would use to express how I live my life.
Recovery is staying in the day, putting aside my ego, listening to my soul (my inner voice) and following the path it's encouraging me to choose. Recovery is about being kind and compassionate to the people I meet on a daily basis, and trying to let go of frustrations and upsets and move on.
So, I am not thinking about 'not drinking'. I am thinking about how I want to live my life, to live the best life I can.
The reason I continue to come to SR is because reading the posts here helps me to keep my life balanced and on track. I hope that once in a while I can help someone here, because helping others is a gift of recovery to me.
Recovery is a term I would use to express how I live my life.
Recovery is staying in the day, putting aside my ego, listening to my soul (my inner voice) and following the path it's encouraging me to choose. Recovery is about being kind and compassionate to the people I meet on a daily basis, and trying to let go of frustrations and upsets and move on.
So, I am not thinking about 'not drinking'. I am thinking about how I want to live my life, to live the best life I can.
The reason I continue to come to SR is because reading the posts here helps me to keep my life balanced and on track. I hope that once in a while I can help someone here, because helping others is a gift of recovery to me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: directly above the center of the earth
Posts: 71
Bayliss,
I had a great experience this week. I was at a conference and my hotel room was called "happy hour" so my roommate and friends could drink cheap (they don't have any problems).
I skootched aside a group of bottles and glasses to set my water bottle down, did something else for a minute and then grabbed the bottle to take a drink. I had to smile as I noticed that all those things were alcohol and I hadn't even registered it...
Good times!
I had a great experience this week. I was at a conference and my hotel room was called "happy hour" so my roommate and friends could drink cheap (they don't have any problems).
I skootched aside a group of bottles and glasses to set my water bottle down, did something else for a minute and then grabbed the bottle to take a drink. I had to smile as I noticed that all those things were alcohol and I hadn't even registered it...
Good times!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
Thanks to everyone who posted and don't worry Pigtails - you didn't hijack the thread, lol. I am interested in reading everything anyone has to say about this, in depth or not.
That is pretty awesome NoTears.
I don't really struggle with intense cravings - I don't argue with myself whether I am going to drink or not. I am done with it. I guess at times I sit there and think what it would be like if alcohol were still a part of my life. How the night would go...what conversations I would have with the boyfriend or friends...things like that. But what is the point. Drinking ends in regrets, shame, guilt, embarrassment, so on and so forth.
I think I think about it a lot because I am early in my sobriety, am on here A LOT and read as much as I can on it...so naturally it would be on my mind.
Just like if I read about cake all day and went on cake forums. Lol. Naturally cake would be on my mind.
I am working through this. I am optimistic!
Thanks again everyone! Keep on chatting away here, I am most interested in reading more.
That is pretty awesome NoTears.
I don't really struggle with intense cravings - I don't argue with myself whether I am going to drink or not. I am done with it. I guess at times I sit there and think what it would be like if alcohol were still a part of my life. How the night would go...what conversations I would have with the boyfriend or friends...things like that. But what is the point. Drinking ends in regrets, shame, guilt, embarrassment, so on and so forth.
I think I think about it a lot because I am early in my sobriety, am on here A LOT and read as much as I can on it...so naturally it would be on my mind.
Just like if I read about cake all day and went on cake forums. Lol. Naturally cake would be on my mind.
I am working through this. I am optimistic!
Thanks again everyone! Keep on chatting away here, I am most interested in reading more.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Bayliss - Because alcohol is so pervasive through Western culture, I believe it's reasonable to assume most recovered alcoholics will face some manner of alcohol-related "thoughts" on a continuing basis. And I should clarify that by "thoughts" I don't specifically mean "cravings".
That being said, I believe over time you'll find both the quantity and quality of your alcohol-related thinking to evolve from voluminous-unto-annoyance to hardly worth mentioning. It seems that in the early stages of sobriety, "not drinking" can dominate one's mental faculties as intensely as drinking.
That being said, I believe over time you'll find both the quantity and quality of your alcohol-related thinking to evolve from voluminous-unto-annoyance to hardly worth mentioning. It seems that in the early stages of sobriety, "not drinking" can dominate one's mental faculties as intensely as drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
Thanks Ranger.
I would have to agree with what you're saying and this is what I am thinking is what happens to a lot of us over time within our sobriety.
I guess yesterday I was just a little irritable and annoyed by the "drinking" thoughts.
It is sad how our culture embraces alcohol so much.
It is everywhere. It is the typical beer after a hard days work with the guys. It is the staff cocktails after closing a deal. The glass of wine when going over for a dinner party. The margarita's when on the beach with girlfriends. The bailey's with coffee on holiday's. The ice cold fruity drinks on hot days on the patio.
It's funny because a few weeks ago thinking about these things would bother me...not so much now in the sense that I don't crave it.
It is just annoying to think of it.
But I understand what you are saying.
I agree with you.
I would have to agree with what you're saying and this is what I am thinking is what happens to a lot of us over time within our sobriety.
I guess yesterday I was just a little irritable and annoyed by the "drinking" thoughts.
It is sad how our culture embraces alcohol so much.
It is everywhere. It is the typical beer after a hard days work with the guys. It is the staff cocktails after closing a deal. The glass of wine when going over for a dinner party. The margarita's when on the beach with girlfriends. The bailey's with coffee on holiday's. The ice cold fruity drinks on hot days on the patio.
It's funny because a few weeks ago thinking about these things would bother me...not so much now in the sense that I don't crave it.
It is just annoying to think of it.
But I understand what you are saying.
I agree with you.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
I know i will think about alcohol in some way forever. My goal is to not glorify it. My goal is to treat it as an allergy. Just like a lactose intollerent person has to avoid dairy or someone with a shellfish allergy can't eat lobster, i can't drink alcohol. It's a shame i have to miss out on something that i find enjoyable but it's not worth the suffering it causes me or the health risks.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Bayliss, it is a joy to be talking about this next part of your journey now. Congratulations on your progress.
Your memories of using alcohol sound like glossy advertisements written by a Mad Men copywriter. This is the Alcoholic Voice at work here, Bayliss - be aware of this. Your internal alarm should be going off and waking the neighbourhood when these thoughts arise.
For me, a beer or two with friends around the bbq was bracketed with some serious predrinking and then passing out right after dinner. Witty banter with co workers at a bar was followed by the embarrassment of trying to find legal transportation home. Mimosas and Bailey's at breakfast (ey yi yi) were the sad attempt to deal with another hangover, the nausea and pounding head from the night before, and the beginning of another day of alcohol abuse.
Those tableaux are so much more satisfying now without any alcohol. A sober BBQ allows me to reconnect with old friends in new ways, and even lets me entertain instead of making a fool of myself and embarrassing my family. Business functions are now business opportunities, and a breakfast without a few eye-openers and hair of the dogs is now the beginning of a fresh brand-new day without any limits or constraints.
Staying sober means being mindful of these images and what they mean. It means replacing them with positive plans for the peaceful, serene life you know you deserve. And Bayliss, you deserve peace and serenity as much as anyone else.
Your memories of using alcohol sound like glossy advertisements written by a Mad Men copywriter. This is the Alcoholic Voice at work here, Bayliss - be aware of this. Your internal alarm should be going off and waking the neighbourhood when these thoughts arise.
For me, a beer or two with friends around the bbq was bracketed with some serious predrinking and then passing out right after dinner. Witty banter with co workers at a bar was followed by the embarrassment of trying to find legal transportation home. Mimosas and Bailey's at breakfast (ey yi yi) were the sad attempt to deal with another hangover, the nausea and pounding head from the night before, and the beginning of another day of alcohol abuse.
Those tableaux are so much more satisfying now without any alcohol. A sober BBQ allows me to reconnect with old friends in new ways, and even lets me entertain instead of making a fool of myself and embarrassing my family. Business functions are now business opportunities, and a breakfast without a few eye-openers and hair of the dogs is now the beginning of a fresh brand-new day without any limits or constraints.
Staying sober means being mindful of these images and what they mean. It means replacing them with positive plans for the peaceful, serene life you know you deserve. And Bayliss, you deserve peace and serenity as much as anyone else.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS
It's a shame i have to miss out on something that i find enjoyable but it's not worth the suffering it causes me or the health risks.
IMHO, contented sobriety is more than being "OK" one is no longer taking up residence at a weding reception's open bar. Contented sobriety is attaining a level of acceptance and perspective that allows one to be rightfully thankful that a commutation has occurred and s/he doesn't have to live like that anymore.
From one fellow inmate to another, rejoice Friend!
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