New Friends
 

I was responding to another thread, and then realized I was writing much more than planned and would have ended up hijacking the thread.

I have completely cut myself off from my friends since I quit drinking, just over 3 weeks ago. I didn't really plan to do it, but since I am not drinking, I don't go to bars, and that is all I did with my friends. It really made me come to the conclusion that I don't really have many "friends". I don't have someone to call up and talk to about all of this. These people that I considered to be friends would not understand and I only hung out with them to drink. We had an occasional dinner now and then, but always followed by drinks. I know there are a select few that would still hang out even if I wasn't drinking, but I am not ready to face that yet.

People that I have met along the way that don't drink, and probably would have been great friends, I have pushed away. Why would I want to be friends with someone that doesn't do the one thing that was fun for me? So, my next step is to get in contact with someone that clearly wanted to be my friend and hang out without drinking but I always had an excuse. That is what I want and need in my life right now.

I have not even told my friends that I quit drinking and I get an occasional invite out now, but not many. Only one person has asked me how I am doing and inquired about why I am not hanging out anymore. That is only because he knows what happened to make me want to stop. I know for a fact that I have a tendency to push people away and not let anyone close. Sarcasm has always been my best friend. I have a good idea as to why I do this and I feel that I am making positive changes in my life for me to change this in the future. Staying sober is now at the top of that list.

:thanks

If I didn't have SR, all of this would be inside of me and no one to share it with!

Have you considered AA to meet other sober people?

Thanks for the post! I also didn't hang out with non-drinkers since there "wouldn't be anything to do" so I thought the world revolved around drinkers, only!

Love & hugs,

I did the same thing....I don't miss my drinking buddies...Funny thing is...I don't think they miss me...I'd probably only harsh their buzz anyway. I have a bunch of friends now that I have a blast with...Alkies that don't drink.

I am attending AA. I actually meant to include that in my post. I go 1-3 times per week. I have met and received phone numbers of a few people, even one lady around my age that I could see myself being friends with. I have yet to get a temp sponsor, just soaking everything in and getting used to it I guess. I am keeping an open mind about the program, but I still have my reservations. Right now I am doing a lot of research on many different topics and methods. I do love the AA meetings to have a group of people I can meet with face to face that are going/have been through what I am going through though.

Welcome ph3314. First off you'll always have people on this forum who understand where you are coming from. I'm only on Day 10 of sobriety but hanging out here is giving me so much hope and strength.

Like you I too have friends who I spent my time drinking with, and those relationships are undergoing transformations. I'm sure many of them won't survive my quitting. In fact, sad to say, most of my best friends are drinkers too, although I don't know if they could be classified as alcoholics. I told one friend that I am an alcoholic and he just laughed and acted as though I was being melodramatic, or attention seeking. So I backtracked a bit and said I'm off the booze as I want to get fit for a 10k run I'm doing in July and that I'm trying to lose weight (all of which is also true). It's hard to know what to say isn't it? I'm just taking it as it comes at the moment. I have a tendency to be a people-pleaser so I am reminding myself that stopping alcohol is me looking after myself, and everyone else can deal with it. But I won't lie, it's hard...

Keep us posted on how you're doing!

Give her a call...See if she wants to have coffee after the next meeting.

I Had such a great day today! Went to play tennis after work, then home to freshen up a bit, not much unfortunately for others in the room, then straight to AA.

I was contemplating things tonight on my way home from tennis. It was such a fantastic time and felt great afterwards. The best thing is, I am not going to wake up hung over and feel bad all day. Maybe a little sore...hahaa. I love that sore feeling after a good workout though!

I know playing tennis was fun before, but it is nice to have that realization that there are many things in life that are going to be fun and bring joy that will not cause harm or make me feel bad the next day.

That same guy probably rushed home and was burning the internet looking for a definition of what an alcoholic is...I got some strange reations from my ex-drinking buddies when I quit...They're still doing the same thing.

Glad you had a good day ph3314...

Hey PH,
So refreshing to hear that honesty is infecting your life choices and thinking.

After all we are who we hang out with for the most part. As far as AA for friendship not

so sold on that although much support is given and recieved there. We are not the

most healthy balanced people in my experience but we are getting better.:ring

To have friends, you must be a friend. Call someone in AA and ask how they are and then really listen to what they say. You'll be amazed.... :)

Really?...It must be you....I have made a lot of friends in AA...Good friends. A lot better friends than the ones I had.

Great post.....when you find a group of friends that are living life on the same terms you are, you'll ask yourself why you haven't started this life sooner.

Yes it is me. There is a big difference in my hang out buddies and the friends I have in AA. AA has helped me to move out in the "real world" and conect thier a bit more. My AA friends are different relationship basis and are not what I consider fast friends. The relationships move much slower for me in AA. It is a fellowship of the spirit.

It can be a fellowship of the spirit and a fellowship of the BBQ at the same time.

There are lots of opportunities to meet new friends, especially when you pursue activities you really enjoy, such as tennis.

I was lucky enough to get into a voluneer position at the outset of my recovery. I met some truly awesome (sober) people there and thoroughly enjoyed what I was doing.