Did I have a seizure or something?
 

Just before I woke up today, I was in a semi-conscious state. I felt anxious, and I didn't want to wake up just yet because I knew I'd just feel the anxiety, so I tried sleeping some more. I had drank about a fifth of vodka the night before.

Suddenly, my head started shaking uncontrollably for about 2-3 seconds. I opened my eyes, had a glance at my bedside table, and I saw the exact same vision of that table very vividly for about 10-15 seconds. I tried to move my eyes around, but I couldn't see anything but that table, no matter what I did. I thought I had lost my sight. This wasn't a dream. When my head started shaking, I was completely conscious. The first thing I did after that episode was to pour myself a drink, purely to reduce the risk of a(nother?) seizure. That's pretty bad.

I keep putting this off. I've said I'm done procrastinating, but this episode was scary. I don't know what I'm waiting for... I really, really have to go to the hospital before it's too late. Really. I've reduced my benzodiazepine consumption down to 6% in three weeks, from an average of about 8mg Klonopin / day that I have consumed in the last ~5 months. Terrified of how it will pan out, especially because I don't know how to make the doctor understand, but wish me luck. I've been suicidal, but I've realized now, I don't want to die. I want to get better. For the love of God, please.

Sounds like you could have. I experienced something similar when I had a seizure. You should probably go see a doctor. I had mine even after drinking the next day to prevent it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Polaroid
Your choice to live or die. Typing and not going and getting help ASAP is another step of never waking up. I will be sorry to see you go, but realize it was your choice. I will keep you in my prayers.

Head to your closest ER now!

It sounds like you need to be in the hospital, Polaroid. It's tempting to put it off for another day and then another week, but as you know, it will only get worse. Don't listen to all the fear and shame thoughts - just do it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I hope that you go to an ER and ask for help.

I'm glad that you are motivated to stop drinking and live a sober life. :)

Please go to the ER Polaroid. Be safe.

D