ADaisyifyoudo

I don't post much here but do occasionally stop in and see what's happening. I have to admit that after the first few months the new to recovery threads weren't as relevant to where I was personally - occasionally I would post a response but didn't find that there were many people talking about what it was like several months in.

I certainly am glad I don't drink anymore. It was heading in a bad, bad direction, although I never hit "bottom" I could certainly see where things were headed and it wasn't good. I am much healthier (quit smoking too), run all the time now, and although my ice cream consumption has increased I figure that's a small and healthy trade off. It's not terribly difficult anymore either, just something I don't do. Most nights I don't even think about it, even with alcohol in the house (my partner still drinks).

I do on occasion miss participating in all those social rituals that revolve around alcohol. No more taking a friend out for drinks after a rough day at work, or spending the first warm day of the year on the deck with a G&T. And I haven't had that wild and crazy party fun that I used to have since I quit drinking. You know, laughing at silly things, dancing too exuberantly, telling funny stories. I go home from parties early, get in bed before midnight most nights, and get up early and go running.

It's also impacted what I want to do with my vacations. I love to travel but there are certain destinations - Caribbean, for example - that just do not sound like all that much fun anymore. Drinking was definitely part of the mystique.

I don't kid myself though and ever think that I could go back to drinking and just be a "normal" drinker. I hit my lifetime quota and that's that. And I think I am OK with it.

So, a lot of positives, and a few negatives. I will say, though, I had hoped that it might be the source of some of my depression and unfortunately that's still around. Probably started drinking as a way to self medicate in the beginning. It's a bit disappointing that it didn't solve that problem and unlike some others here it wasn't the alcohol making me crazy. I'm still crazy even without it. I have tried insights-based therapy and CBT therapy and am still working on finding a non-pharmaceutical solution. My depression isn't bad enough that I need daily medication to function. But it's sometimes not all that much fun.

So, the weather is here, wish it were more fun, I guess. I'm doing fine, nothing terrible going wrong and no impending relapse or anything. But some days, it's just kind of, well, meh. My Mom died a few months back, and I didn't fall dramatically off the wagon or anything.

Anyhoo, if you have any great advice to share, please feel free. Hope everyone is having a good night out there, and that those of you in the early days of recovery hang in there, it was a tough road those first weeks and months but worth it for sure.

Peace.

eJoshua

Sorry to hear of your mom passing. How about talking to a therapist about your depression or looking into meds?

ADaisyifyoudo

eJoshua, I have talked to a therapist and actually seen a psychiatrist for evaluation. General consensus is that my depression is intermittent, and relatively mild. While the psych said he'd be happy to prescribe an antidepressant if I wanted, I am really reluctant to go onto meds if I can find a non-pharmaceutical way to address the mood swings. And my Mom's death seems like the kind of thing I need to feel sad about, maybe without benefit of smoothing over the feelings with an SSRI.

If I got to a place where it made it difficult to function, do my job, take care of my daughter, get up in the morning and go for a run, I'd certainly consider it. But short of that I am trying to find other solutions. Thanks, though.

katrinka

It seems to me that you should be feeling a lot happier Daisy. Have you seen a doctor? Maybe some mild meds would help your depression. Congratulations on 11 months, that's fantastic!

Scolova

I like that and very much the same belief for myself.

Congrats @ 11 months! and you sound very solid in your sobriety.
I was still a drunk, big time, when my father died and even though I had already gone from hangovers daily to having DTs daily I kept right on drinking harder and harder. I sure hope you can get out of the depression, I know how debilitating that can be and so hard to break free from.

eJoshua

Sure, I think I know what you mean. There is difference between depression and grieving though, so don't feel like you have to punish yourself. Hang in there, don't forget that someone's always here to listen if you need to post.

MentalLoop

I could have written your post myself. I feel the exact same way about where I am, and current SR posts. I run or do some form of cardio every single day, and have been trying to deal with my anxiety and depression through non-therapist prescribed CBT techniques. I have to say that at least on that front, I feel that I have been hugely successful - not that I have solved world hunger or peace, but I am definitely far better off than where i was. Removing alcohol was definitely one component, but by far exercise was the largest. Checkout a book: Exercise for Mood and Anxiety: Proven Strategies For Overcoming Depression and Enhancing Well Being - at minimum read chapter 2, and you'll be roped in.

If this is already known to you or obvious just ignore, but if you have sustained cardio work-outs of at least 30mins, the chemical reactions that occur (endorphins, et. al.) put your mind in the perfect position to deal with issues. I run first thing every morning, and spend a good hour after that reflecting on many of the anxieties I had the night before. Kind of like a post mortem while my brain can do it unemotionally. Has worked miracles!

Zencat

Sorry about your moms death. My mom recently died, I take an SSRI, no 'smoothing over the feelings' for me. Felt like a piece of me died too...hella painful really.

recoverywfaith

Sorry to hear about your mom and how you are feeling.

I think 11 months of sobriety is awesome and pray you can come up with some solutions to your mild depression.

There are some in recovery that take sober vacations...maybe that might be some nice travels for you in the future?