Challenged1

I apologize in advance for a much needed vent...but I'm going to explode if i don't get this off my chest

Today is day 26. In my first post on day 7, I shared that I was given an ultimatum by my bf whom I live with that if I ever drink again...it's over and he wants me out. I just moved back here 3 months ago at his request. He hated not having complete control over me. When I had my own place, he was there 24/7 and I drank heavily and constantly. There were no ultimatums, no "I can't be with an alcoholic"...nothing.

By the time I moved in I had scaled my drinking down to twice a week, an all time record in the 2yrs we have been together. I chose to do so on my own, his ultimatum may have scared me into instant sobriety but I am sober today because I choose to be.

My sober reality is that I live with a brazen, controlling, hypocritical, compulsive liar. I struggle with this immensely as I trudge down this path of sobriety feeling sabotaged. Perhaps I am being a martyr but as I sit here sober and see that everything is a farce, it's hard to swallow...especially without a gulp of wine

I have gone to a few AA meetings, which infuriates him. He tells me I don't need it, that I'm doing fine, that I don't need to hang out with a bunch of drunks. Yet everyday he asks me if I have been drinking. I go to an afternoon meeting and pick up my daughter from school and come home. He thinks I am having an online love affair here on SR

The obscenities, the door slamming, the infantile behavior, the isolation, the side deals, the lies, the lack of confluence...it sucks

So as I sit here planning my great escape, not the bottle....I need to learn a coping mechanism. Have any of you been in horrible circumstances while going through the recovery process? How is your life different today?

Sapling

I haven't been through anything like that...It's hard enough quitting with support....I wouldn't stick around very long in that nightmare. Best of luck to you.

candie

Whether you're sober or drunk, you don't need to put up with a control freak like that!!
I hope you manage to gain strength to leave him, through being sober x

bryangt

You need people around you who support your lifestyle & support you. This happens all too often when one partner gets sober, the other partner, for some reason or another gets upset by the changes and somewhat tries to sabotage the efforts being made. You need to evaluate your situation and make some changes or it will only get tougher for you ...sad & sorry to say...Good luck--keep on going.

sugarbear1

Maryland has an Abused Persons Program, other states or jurisdictions have their own domestic violence resources. Look up any in your area and see what they have available. Ours have classes and other resources to help.

I wish you all the best,

hypochondriac

I've been in a controlling relationship before and I admire you for your grasp of the reality of the situation.

I think your coping mechanism should be to carry on what you're doing (AA, sobriety) without the negative influence that this person is bringing to your life. If my experience is anything to go by they will try to sabotage you.

*hugs* and good luck x

Zube

Alcoholics have a difficult time being controlled, whether in recovery or not. Ulitimatums NEVER worked for me, whether by my wife, my job, the court system, etc.

They still don't.
Zube
Sober since 11-21-10

laurie6781

Verbal and mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse and sometimes worse. How about giving your local Domestic Violence Center a call and see what help they can offer you.

That man is a 'control freak' and will keep doing what he is doing until he wears you down so far that no matter what he says you will jump to do it.

I applaud you on your 26 days, and seeing the 'reality' so quickly. Continue your forward progress, go to your meetings, find a sponsor that you can discuss some of this with on a one on one basis, come here to post and vent and let us know how you are doing, as we do care so much.

Love and hugs,

JustBreath

I am sorry you are going through this. I too think that it's hard enough to go through recovery without someone trying to control you.

I wish you the best and remember it's your world, own it...

Challenged1

Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement. Yes, there is no doubt that I am in an abusive and codependent relationship. It's a long story how I got myself into this mess but it was alcohol induced....imagine that. I will report back, just wanted to give you all a shout out of my appreciation

Now off to pick up my precious daughter from school