lushly

Hi everyone I have been on this sight for over a year and it is an important part of my recovery. I was in the Miners for those of you that know that thread. I realize that this sight does not give medical advice and I would never expect anyone to diagnose. My question or seeking info is this. Last year when I was at a point in my drinking I had suicidal ideations. I sobered up for 8 months these death thoughts went to 0 and then have been struggling since the first of the year with alcohol relaspe. And guess what?. here come those self hate/ end it ideations. I just wonder if anyone has shared this experience in addiction. I am so lost in it right now that I know that I am not being exactly clear. I have been sober 3 days. (()) lushly

changeschoices

I'm not an alcoholic, but I know when my ex was drinking heavily, he had thoughts of killing himself. Because alcohol is a depressant, and also because the drinking created so many problems, he fell into shame, guilt, and despair and could not see a way out.

Suicidal thoughts are serious business. You should call your doctor immediately. People can go from having thoughts of suicide to actually attempting it within hours. Please get help now!!

CatsPajamas

We have some terrific information and great links for those who are having dark thoughts. It's good to have them nearby if you find yourself talking with someone who says he or she is thinking about it as well:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html

Dee74

I moved this from FF
some good advice here - glad to see you back (((Lushly)))

D

regeneration

Yes. It's the reason I decided to stop drinking. Had suicidal ideations for years.

Stopped a month ago and they've dis-appeared completely. Real eye-opener. Obviously, if anything changes I'm straight back to my doctor's for medical advice. I thought the drinking may be causing the issues for me but was never certain as could stop for some days but not long enough to make a difference.

Good to see you posting, getting sober again, make sure you get the support (medical and otherwise as needs be). Look after yourself as you deserve it.

eJoshua

It was a real comfort to me, when I got sober, to realize that a lot of the craziness I was living with disappeared when I got sober. It wasn't me that was crazy, it was the alcohol making me crazy.

Bamboozle

The only thing I can suggest is talking to your doctor and making sure that the people who are close to you know what your mental state of mind is--communicating with others is so very important. I get suicidal thoughts now and then, it comes with the depression. I had depression at least a year before I started drinking and, darn it, it never went away.

I'm close to my mom...I let her know when I'm not well and she knows to call for help if I should get bad.

sugarbear1

Lushly, please seek medical help!

You are loved, Lushly!

Zencat

A lot of good advice above by others.

I have and I know how extremely difficult it is to live like that. If you have a mental health care provider, contact them immediately. If not, do strongly consider getting in contact with one.

Aside from my addiction I have a mental illness. Knowing how to put CBT and DBT into practice has become almost mandatory for my daily mental health betterment. But as you might know, none of that is of much use when chronic relapse is a serious problem.

I hope you can get into a treatment center to help you stabilize in sobriety/mental health.

least

That's what I was going to say. Most of my troubles were the result of my drinking and when I got sober those troubles soon faded into the background. I still have problems to deal with but have not felt suicidal for a long time now and boy does that feel good.

ReadyAndAble

Hey there, lushly. The others said it all. Just wanted to add that it's good to see you. It really is amazing how by solving just one problem, we end up improving a whole bunch of other things.

soberlicious

Yes, I have. It's easier than many think to go from ideation to planning to acting on it.

Sapling

Just the way I was living I was killing myself....And I knew it. I got to the point that I'd rather die than keep living like I was living....I didn't think there was a way out....Then I found a way out. Now I'd rather die than pick up a drink...Because I know right where it will take me.

lushly

Thank you Dee for moving me to the correct recovery thread. I am being careful today to stay around people and not pick up the drink. I know that it is part of the addiction progression, but it is darn scary. I Thank you for your input. I love this site.
Lushly

instant

Lushy good to see you back. I am from the June 11 thread. In the end I was in a bad place with myself when I was drinking. In retrospect it seems that self loathing, resentment, and general dissatisfaction and unhappiness are part of the deal. I was having regular thoughts about suicide before I stopped, in the context of the struggle and feeling trapped.

I hope you find a way to get something solid going again- perhaps join a new daily support thread- it was certainly a godsend for me, and I know you were really active in the group you were in.

quitforme79

Yes lushly...I have been there. I only had SI when I was drinking. Amazing in a scary way how much this chemical can skew our thinking. I attempted twice w pills while in a wasted state and am so grateful I woke up the next day alive. Therapy helps me a lot. Do you have one you can speak to about this?

lushly

I do have a therapist and group and AA. I have it all in place. I just need to not pick up the drink and I have programed my brain and thus body to want so badly. The cycle always ends up the same and yet.... addiction is crazy for sure!